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Why am I the one thats hurting?


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Recently my ex gf and I have been emailing each other back and forth. Its been going on for about a couple of months now. We have been really discrete about everything, basically just trying to reestablish a friendship. I know she has a boyfriend now but that wasnt bothering me and I was ok with it. I should say I am ok with it because even though I still have feelings for her, I could never be with this one again.

So yesterday she messaged me and told me she was jealous that I got to go on a trip. While we were dating she had the opportunity to go on the trip with me. So I messaged her back saying why are you jealous because you had the opportunity to go with me back then. I also took a low blow at her for something else. Basically I know that I said some mean things to her, but I have stuff like that on my chest that I would actually like to tell her that I am still bothered by it.

But so now she hasnt responded to that message and I am worried or upset that she hasnt. But since we are not dating she shouldnt take that to heart, right? Dont you think I should at least get a response back from that message? Or should I send her a message back apologizing?

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She made an innocent comment about being jealous because you get to go on a trip, so she's probably annoyed that you used that to bring up a sore spot from your past relationship. If you sincerely want to establish a friendship with her you should probably stop doing that and leave the past behind. You said that you've said mean things to her, so do you really think that she wants or needs that from a friend?


If there are still things that are bothering you about how the relationship went, maybe the two of you could sit down and have an honest and open heart to heart talk specifically about those issues to clear the air. Otherwise it will be difficult to establish a friendship if there's still some underlying resentment going on.

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Honestly? I would examine if it is a good idea to "try to be friends" - if there are still a lot of hurt feelings maybe its best to not communicate. Also, you mention "discrete" - discrete implies one of you is hiding this communication from someone else - her boyfriend? Anyways, if you have to sneak around, all the more reason to stop. If you were able to communicate openly, I would say you both had some healing and a platonic friendship naturally formed.

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I go with what greensleeves said. You're bringing up the past when you're trying to strike up a new friendship with her. You can either let her know you need to tie up lose ends and both of you can talk things out, or you can stop bringing the past up. Also, ask yourself why are you trying to be friends with her when you still have feelings? If you want to move on with your life, staying friends with her while still harboring feelings will just leave you stuck. If you genuinely want her friendship, you have to work yourself pass these feelings you have lingering for her. This means leaving the past behind.

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