In two minds as to ask for child support or not?

[rebeccafisher2]

I split with my ex a few months ago, and we have a 18 month old baby together. He is in NC with me and hasnt seen the baby for two months now.

The last time we spoke he was spiteful and then just said he didnt want to talk to me again.

 

I make OK money and have worked out that I will be alright without child support. i am not rich by any means at all, just that I can cover the bills and food etc every month. Part of me doesnt want to start asking for financial support from him (through a lawyer I guess)

 

Does anyone empathise with this? I kind of want no contact, and definitely dont want him to feel like he is being so nice to me to give me money. I cant explain very well, I guess it would just feel good to me that I raised my son myself without his help financially as he is not around emotionally for him anyway.

 

I imagine a lot of you would think definitely get child support in order, but is there anyone that understands that I dont want a link to him or just that I dont want his money??

[Shortpants]

I can understand where you are coming from, not wanting to have any dealings with a spiteful ex. BUT he is the child's father and has not only a moral, but legal obligation to contibute to the care of that child. I know it seems easier to just let things be and not ask him for anything as you say you are fine financially... right now. What happens if you get laid off, or have an accident that leaves you not able to work? Plus the future expenses that will come that you are not taking into account right now such as college, etc.

 

I do TOTALLY understand not wanting anything to do with this guy, even moreso since it seems he wants nothing to do with being in the child's life. But, the big picture is that this really has nothing to do with you and more to do with the support of the child. Period. I would stop thinking with your heart and start thinking with your head and make sure you are looking at the big picture of how he SHOULD be supporting his child, even if he wants nothing to do with him/her.

 

Stay strong Rebecca, take care of yourself and that little one!

[FrenchFries]

I hear you, but he should be supporting the child financially at bare minimum. Communicate with him through a lawyer.

[avman]

I can understand your position. Though you don't technically have to have a link to him in order to get child support. All of that can be done through the county agency in many cases.

 

While you may be able to get by with the money you make, what if something unexpected happened? Or how about using the child support and creating a savings account for college? Or saving up for possible medical expenses or braces later?

[metrogirl]

I understand this. I walked away from my abusive ex when I was 22 and had 4 children. In all these years, I have never asked the courts to intervene and give me support.

 

He didn't make decent money. He had a kitchen job making 10.00 an hour at best, hardly not enough to support himself, I wasn't going to get but a few dollars from him. It wasn't worth the time or the hassle, for me anyway.

 

He didn't really show much if an interest in his children after we broke up. He went to Mexico with family for awhile and then came back to California only to leave again for a few years to Nebraska. I doubt the courts would have been able to collect money from him with all his running around the world.

[BellaStranger]

I definitely see where you're coming from... I'm also very independent and would like the idea of being able to go it alone. But child support is the very least he owes you (I think I read your other thread and I don't like this guy at all). I don't know where you live, but in the UK the CSS will evaluate him and take his payments from his pay check and pay them directly to you- you don't have to have any contact!! If you don't really NEED the money- why don't you pay it in to a savings account for your son? Or use it as an emergency fund? Don't turn down something you could need one day out of pride- tempting as that is!!

[BellaStranger]

I doubt the courts would have been able to collect money from him with all his running around the world.

 

This is a good point!! Don't get bogged down with chasing him for it! If he truly refuses to man up and pay up then you are lucky to be in the position to be able to wash your hands of it and get on with enjoying your life with your baby!!