She broke up with me...

[Buddha5254]

and said she felt like I was a friend. That hurt so bad. We had only been together for 3 months, but fell in love very quickly. She wrote me a sweet letter to tell me that she was in love with me. She pushed to make it official and be gf/bf. Two weeks ago she told me she wanted to get jobs and move to Seattle. Then last week she decides she cant handle a relationship. With a good guy.

She always felt weird smoking and even drinking in front of me. Even though I didnt care....I drink too! You told me you were impulsive. I ignored all the red flags you put up, because I was falling hard fo you. You always said that a challenge for you in this relationship is that nothing is wrong. * * * ??? Just because all of your past bf's have been douch bags doesnt mean you have to expect that treatment from me.

Im a good guy, why the hell did you break up with me? I could go on and on but I have to quit wasting my time being depressed over being dumped by someone with so many issues that have nothing to do with me.

[misssmithviii]

There's a word for people like this... (UGH I've been trying to remember the word for years literally...) for people who have this near-mental-disorder where they cannot be happy in a relationship without the ups and downs, frequent conflict and making up... they're basically addicted to it.

 

Hopefully somebody can remember that word, my godmother used it to describe many teenage girls and boys when I was younger and warned me about it then... especially because her oldest nephew was like that.

He'd fall in love, go crazy about the girl - then get bored and want conflict so he'd start random fights, then the girl would eventually leave him and that pain would almost quench him.

 

That's why I believe so many women have a hard time actually staying in a relationship with a good guy - it's like foreign territory unfortunately, and it's gotten to the point where they need the conflict. I think your ex is/a textbook __________ (whatever that word is grrr).

 

You don't deserve that

[DanDee]

^^ I know what you mean! Can't think of the term either.

 

I just don't think she wants to settle down, with anyone. Being with a bad guy instead of a decent one like you, offers no chance to form a good healthy long-term relationship. Perhaps she's scared of having one. Or gets bored easily. But yeah, you deserve much better.

[TheJerseyKid]

I feel for you man. Although my situation lasted a bit longer, and I wasn't always perfect, I put up with a lot of stuff in my last relationship. I overlooked a lot of stuff, went out of my way, and flat out treated her better than any other boyfriend shes had. I was her longest continuous relationship (shes 26, me 24) and the only one that was close in length they pretty much hated each other for years after (he was a friend of mine at one point.) We on the other hand ended completely amicably, no hate, or major issue. Though I did have slightly more closure, I'm in the same boat wondering why this happens. Given the amount of history and stuff I know about her and her past, and what she knows about me, it's going to be extremely difficult for her to find someone she can have the same type of connection we did. Not saying its not possible, but its not likely, at least not fast. Sure, she'll move on and date other guys and find guys shes attracted to, and maybe even find one she likes. But I know some day, probably when I least expect it, I'll come to find out that shes pretty damn sorry for ever letting me go, and in your situation bud, I think you will too. If not (due to the much shorter length of your relationship) you are much better off not being with a type of person that can flake out on you like this. Sorry for the partial hi-jack, just wanted to share some similarities.

[LilyJane]

I think the term may be histrionics. I had a boyfriend like that, and oh god, three years later, I am still ignoring him, and he's still creating drama over the month-long relationship.

 

But to the original poster: I am really sorry for the situation you are in, and I totally understand how you feel. The best advice I can give for the future is to keep a better eye out for issues like this, and don't be surprised if the other person invents events that never happened.

[misssmithviii]

I just read the definition on histrionics and while it is a close relation, this "disorder" is more centered on needing the conflict in order to be happy in a relationship, being addicted to the adversity in the relationship and needing to cause it for a up and down experience.

 

But thank you I really wish I could remember the word.

[Buddha5254]

Hey thanks for the support everyone. Im just trying to dig myself out of this depression. My appetite has been crap....I havent been eating healthily (or much at all) for 5 days now. I went to a counselor today, but overall I feel terrible. To top it off I start a new job two weeks from today, and I dont know how the hell Im going to pull that off. I HAVE to get out of this rut! I am realizing how effed up she is now, but I still miss her! I wake up in the morning and she is the first thing I think of. It sucks so bad.

[shuttlefish]

Yeah, it's going to suck for a while, but then it will get better and then it will be a memory, a learning experience, a growing experience and part of life.

 

Sympathies, you will get through this though. Each day will get a little better. Don't dread your new job - it might actually help get your mind off things.

[misssmithviii]

shuttlefish is right, things will be difficult for awhile but you can get through it ;]

[Beginningandend]

Hey thanks for the support everyone. Im just trying to dig myself out of this depression. My appetite has been crap....I havent been eating healthily (or much at all) for 5 days now. I went to a counselor today, but overall I feel terrible. To top it off I start a new job two weeks from today, and I dont know how the hell Im going to pull that off. I HAVE to get out of this rut! I am realizing how effed up she is now, but I still miss her! I wake up in the morning and she is the first thing I think of. It sucks so bad.

 

Tiiiiiiiiiiiime is on my side...yes it is!

 

Sorry, love doing that. Anyway!

 

Time will indeed improve the situation, and starting the new job could actually be a great advantage. When you start, really dive into it! Put a lot of your focus into your new position. Why? Employers like that but the more focus you put into your job, the less focus you will have for thinking of her.