Possible long distance?

[Chantal87]

If you are seeing someone (as in dating but not making it official that you are bf/gf) once a week or less is it fair to hold onto them?

 

This guy ive been seeing recently moved an hour and a half away from where I live. I will see him one day on a weekend or less, and thats if I drive up to his place or he drives to mine to hang out for a few hours at the most.

 

I don't really feel that would be fair to me...I've been in a relationship like this before, always going there (but my old one was only a 20 minute drive) I really like him and want to spend time with him, I just dont know..should we just hang out when we can and date other people? He told me he likes me but I dont know what he wants out of this...

 

Should I mention this to him?

 

Dating sucks. I find a really great guy and he moves...

[sidehop]

How long have you been seeing him? I'd mention it to him and gets some answers. 1.5 hrs doesn't seem too far but it's not exactly close either.

[Chantal87]

It's not too far..but for one day a week? Its been since the middle of March..He invited me up on saturday to see the new place and spend the night and when I asked him what time he said 4pm..(he has the entire day off so I figured he would have wanted me there earlier than that to spend more time with me)

[sidehop]

I guess it depends on how serious this guy is, has he made any effort to see you? Is his life really busy that he can't make the time to even meet you half way?

[Chantal87]

well he just moved...like this past weekend. So I was thinking ill go to his house saturday and after that see if he says anything about hanging out again, and if he does suggest he come meet me? Should I just ask him if he wants to just keep doing this or if he is really interested in dating me..?

[geekgirl4]

Hmm, the 4pm thing could be that he's still moving things around his house. But things should equal out - ask him if he's interested in continuing this relationship and if so, how does he feel about switching weekends off in terms of driving? You drive over one weekend, he drives over one weekend. It's really not asking much to spend one whole day of the week with your special someone. If he can't do that, then it's not worth it.

[Chantal87]

Thanks Geekgirl.

 

He actually cancelled and switched it to the following weekend. Instead he suggested he would come here and we could go bowling or something...again. Seems like he wants to spend as little time as possible with me, but texts me alot? I will ask him though.

[Batya33]

My husband and I were long distance for almost half of our dating relationship (lived in the same city during the summer and sometimes for part of the year). We saw each other at least every 11 days for the weekend or a few days at a time and talked at least once a day, usually for 45 minutes. We lived about a 2-hour plane ride apart.

 

When we started dating we already knew each other (had dated many years ago) but knew it would be long distance and talked at length about how that would work. We were exclusive as soon as we started dating. If all those things hadn't been true - that we already knew each other, that we were exclusive and that we were very serious about making it work long distance - and had specific plans - I would never have started dating him because I was looking for a relatonshp with very serious potential. So was he.

 

Without serious effort to see each other on both sides I don't think it's worth it to be involved with someone long distance. 1.5 hours apart should make you able to spend mostly every weekend together, taking turns with the travel and maybe occasionally during the week. Texting is nice but I don't think that will do much to help you get to know each other.