Am I Dreaming

[elizabeth73]

I am a Dream Girl. I have been told this by every guy in a relationship. In regards to me wanting more then anything for the honeymoon stage to go on forever. I will never understand why am sees this as being a dream, an unrealistic fantasy or i get the your expectations are to high. Why is this? Is it so wrong to want a my man to keep the chemistry going as I do. A man who melts when he is touched my me, or is completely head over heals for me. I am always this way, i make sure that i do something everyday to make sure that my man is loved. ie, A lovely text, saying all the things i appreciate about him. A hug and a kiss when he gets home from work. kissing on him while sitting on the couch. Sitting beside while i watch him play on the x-box. Being spontaneous when it comes to making love. Buying new sexy, cute outfits. Rubbing his shoulders/feet/hands/back when they are soar. The more i do this the more he seems to back away. i am "overcompensating or really needy", if i ask for this back. I melt everytime i see him and fall in love every time he touches my shoulder, or hugs me, or kisses me. Why can't he feel the same way about me. I don't understand. He used to be like this all the time, but over time it is dwindling. It annoys him now that I try to touch him or kiss him, while watching a movie. As he says, "he can't watch a movie while i am around." If i make a move or talk him while he's playing modern warfare, I am ignored, he now gets this annoyed look on his like i am a burden. ( geez... didn't know saving the world on modern warfare was so incredibly important.) Instead of loving kiss when he leaves for work or comes home, i now get a quick peck. He says' "that its because he is more comfortable with the relationship now, so he doesn't feels he has to constantly be affectionate. I am not asking for constant affection, just with the same powerful felling there was before, like he did in the beginning. I feel like i have been duped, why would one lie about how they are and the way they are........when in reality they are not like that at all. i feel like i have had the wool pulled over my eyes. He say I should appreciate the things he does for me ( like buying me a fireplace, or flowers, o buying that car for us ( that was apparently just for me).Id rather have the affection. I cant hold a fireplace, hug a car or be caressed by flowers) I don't get me wrong i love these I mean don't get me wrong i love these things and appreciate them, but they are only things. He says, "now that we have had this fight (because talking about my feeling are a fight???), he feels he has to be more affectionate, because its all about Elizatbeth and if he doesn't do it we will have to have yet another discussion about it. so now the affection is fake, it is only being done to shut me up, rather then because he wants to. Am i really a dream girl, is asking for the affection i received in the beginning really asking too much from him? Is it really a fantasy to want the chemistry to last forever? Are my expectations to high? Confused and feeling slightly shafted.

[_Asti_]

I think he's using the "we're past the honeymoon stage..." excuse as a reason to stop trying and putting effort into the relationship.

 

Everything you described in terms of wanting for a relationship, is my relationship..still 6 years after being together. But its BOTH of us making equal efforts to keep things going and alive and fun. I still come home to flowers on the table, love notes written on the abthroom mirror, candlelight dinners on a tuesday night, weekend getaways, spontaneouis phone calls of "Wear a dress tonight..I'm taking you out..." breakfast in bed, calling into work sick to cuddle, watch movies and play video games together, treating each other to small little gift..etc..etc..We're special to each other and act accordingly.

 

Certainly doesn't sound like a fantasy what you're describing. But thats just me!

 

 

Have you told him that those things don't matter to you? How the way he acts makes you feel? I think any partner who cared would try and compromise and work at it. I know me and my guy's affection levels are different [he craves more...] but I really step up to the plate to meet his needs and make sure he's feeling the level of affection that he desires. If he's doing it just to please you, it will become work for him...and with time he will pull away further and you will become more and more unsatisfied. You need to figure out where you are comfortable in terms of expectations and what you will and will not settle for.

He may just not be a good match for you.

[d24]

No, I think you're needy and clingy.

 

Sounds like he's a normal guy in a relationship, getting by, having fun, providing for you, etc... Where as you sound like you're trapped in some happily ever after Disney movie where you just want to gaze lovingly into his eyes daily.

 

You're not on the same page, and if I'm being honest, I think you're stuck in the honeymoon phase because you're afraid of what a real relationship feels like. He's done the right thing on moving forward into a normal relationship, but you have not which will make you come accross as very needy. Work on yourself and your insecurities, don't complain about him.

 

Communicate with him if you need a more emotional/deeper connection - but realise you're going about it the wrong way, and need to mature a bit to get to the next 'phase' in the relationship. If he's not catering to your needs you can't blame him instantly - you need to give him the knowledge and the opportunity to do something about him. And remember, men can't/don't take hints, TELL him if you're missing something.

 

In turn, stop watching him play xbox, and either JOIN IN or get a hobby of your own. You'll thank me for it.

[blue-eyes]

I've so been there....

 

Because I've been through this I know how it feels, and yes you are being clingy and needy. Just as I was in past relationships. The honeymoon stage is over, but that doesn't mean he doesn't love you as much as he did in the beginning. You need to take a look in the mirror as I did. I realized that I was looking to a man to fill a void within myself. You need to find things you want to do. Don't sit next to him while he plays video games. Go for a walk, read a book, watch a movie, or better yet go out to dinner with some of your girlfriends. Don't allow your life to be consumed by him and his actions. It makes you miserable. That doesn't mean that you can't have those honeymoon feelings and that he won't again. Try reading Men Are From Mars, Women are From Venus, it explains why men withdraw and that if you give him time ALONE he will come back to you at a new level of intimacy. It's difficult. I know, because you are feeling unloved and unappreciated, but if you blow him off and do your own thing he's going to wonder what's up and his attraction to you will be renewed and you will get those honeymoon moments back. Just step back, give him space, and let him to come to you. Don't talk about your feelings or nag him in anyway. Concentrate on you and do your thing and leave him alone until he comes to you. It will be worth it.

[Chantal87]

No, I think you're needy and clingy.

 

Sounds like he's a normal guy in a relationship, getting by, having fun, providing for you, etc... Where as you sound like you're trapped in some happily ever after Disney movie where you just want to gaze lovingly into his eyes daily.

 

I totally disagree. My ex did this to me..it was all romantic and awesome for the first year or so..then he started to ignore me, quickly peck me on the lips, if I said "i love you" he said "thank you". I don't think you are being needy per say, you just want the same affection you give him and he returns it to you. There is NOTHING wrong with that. And I wasn't clingy either, I gave him his space, let him do his own thing but when it came down to watching a movie together we rarely if ever cuddled and the love just went down the drain and I left him. Not saying this is you, but I would talk to him about it, and dont take "the honeymoon phase is over" for an excuse. Thats b.s.

[d24]

i completely disagree, the honeymoon period only lasts while everything is new and exciting. from there you learn about the real person and you don't feel like any silence is awkward (for example), because it's just natural being with them. You can be yourself without the need to continually dote or woo.

 

leaving the honeymoon period and not saying "I love you" (or responding withh "thanks") is not systemic of this situation. There's bigger things in play, and in your case Chan, just sounds like he wasn't into you that much else he would have made the effort. I tell my fiancee I love her daily, and we're 4 years shy of that initial giddy 'honeymoon' period.

 

In short, be less needy/clingy and he'll thank you for it, mayabe not directly, but you'll see he's much more open with you. and you'll thank us for it because you'll get your life back by doing what you really want to do, not what will win you more love/affection in the hopes of increasing your own.

 

You want attention? Simple, tell him and ask for it and point him in the right direction. From here, it looks like he's done nothing wrong - just enter the real world and leave behind the notions of that Hollywood RomCom ending, this is real life not Disney