I just dont understand this girl... she says she likes me

[RoadRage]

So finally this girl tells me at the end of last week that she liked me, (I had already asked her out like twice). She said she liked me, and really couldn't bare seeing anyone else go out with me, and she said that she didn't feel that with any other guy...

 

When I asked her out before like a month ago, I kind of thought she might like me- but she never actually has said it until now. Back then, she said she couldn't because she was really really afraid of getting into a relationship, and didn't like being dependent etc, and she said now she still has those fears and wants to take it slowly, and just see where it goes, and not head straight into a relationship.

 

Then we both leave on holidays, and she came back yesterday, and we met up again. We had a really nice night, but towards the end of it, the whole relationship topic came into discussion, and she said even though she liked me, and would probably regret it in the future, that she just couldn't go through with it.

 

She said she felt stressed and uncomfortable about the idea of being in a relationship, she said that she felt she would feel trapped, and that she would become dependant on me, and that she would lose her independancy, she said that she couldn't help but look into the future and think that because she wanted to go and travel the world that there was no point starting a relationship if it probably would have to end at some point. She said that she couldn't do it also because she was afraid that it would have too much of an impact on her future decisions - like where she would work, live etc.

 

She said that even though likes me if she was in a relationship with me it would stress her out, that she wouldn't feel like herself - that she would feel weird, and that she was afraid that once I discovered "what she was really like" that I wouldn't like her anymore.

 

She also said that she felt she just wouldn't have enough time to be in a relationship. She said that she was finding it hard to keep up her grades so that she could keep her scholarship, and that she would be stressed if she was in a relationship because she would feel like it would take up too much of her time.

 

I just don't understand. She tells me she likes me, that she'd be jealous if another girl went out with me, that she likes spending time with me, that I've gotten the furthest any guy has regarding going out with her, and she even was prepared to actually start dating me (yeah, that was the conclusion of thursday and good friday's chat)...but then her feeelings of stress etc and her fears etc were too much for her and that she couldn't go through with it.

 

argh! I don't understand! She's never had a boyfriend, nor has she ever kissed a guy, or been in anything ressembling a relationship. Why all these fears? What should I do? Any advice??

[dr_styles]

Why all these fears?

 

She's never had a boyfriend, nor has she ever kissed a guy, or been in anything ressembling a relationship

 

That pretty much answers your own question. Fear of the unknown. People aren't born knowing what a relationship is how to have one (or how to date as a lot us are suffering on), and seems to have the wrong idea what a relationship is about. She's even jumped the gun labelling this a relationship when you've barely even dated?

[sidehop]

I agree on the fear of unknown.

 

I would go really slow and see if she would open up to you more. She mentioned about you getting to know 'her' that may cause you to not like her in the future. It's possible she may have emotional and intimacy issues either from her childhood or some other experience to have reasons to be afraid.

 

Relationship still sounds like a possibility but you probably have to get to know her more over time as friends.

[RoadRage]

I agree on the fear of unknown.

 

I would go really slow and see if she would open up to you more. She mentioned about you getting to know 'her' that may cause you to not like her in the future. It's possible she may have emotional and intimacy issues either from her childhood or some other experience to have reasons to be afraid.

 

Relationship still sounds like a possibility but you probably have to get to know her more over time as friends.

 

But you see that's what I don't understand. I do already know her. I met her in the middle of last year. And I really gotten to know her well, spending one on one time with her etc, for the past 3-4 months.....

 

I dont understand why she fears that I will stop liking her when I 'see her true self'.... i know her really well!