Mixed signals

[CuZiNeeDYoU]

hey everyone, havent been on for a while... So contrary to what people told me to do I went ahead and laid in on the line with my ex. She actually seemed touched by what I had to say but told me that this was all happening really fast and that she wasnt expecting this at all. Shes also very busy in her life right now, she works 3 jobs and goes to college. So this week i sorta wrote her an email telling her that I didnt want to be strung along and that I just wanted us to get the chance that we always deserved but that i wasnt gonna settle for being plan B. I told her she didnt need to contact me again if she didnt feel that way but that i wasnt gonna play any games. So a day later she callls me to talk about random stuff. I was sorta surprised cause my message implied that she should only call me if she wanted to talk about getting back together. I dont know what to think, I mean she's always telling me stuff like you know im really busy with work and school i barely have time for myself.... she keeps telling me to let things happen on their own and that if we end up getting back together then fine.... but she isnt acting on those words. Everytime I tell her to forget it cause I cant keep living in such uncertainty she tells me something to get me hooked again like im sorry just give me time. One day she'll call me and the next day she'll ignore me on Messenger. Im thinking she's probably a little confused but sorta stringing me along... what do i do?

[getbiii]

lol please let me know if you find out what to do!

lol im in the same position as you!

[Crazyaboutdogs]

This woman has not been treating you right for a long time. This is just more of the same behaviour. She is not listening to you because you are not following through on wanting to be left alone. You keep running after her. You need to be firm and if you say NC if she doesn't want to get back together then you need to follow through with it and not be taken in by her sweet talk.

[bish0p2004]

I don't get it. I mean, all of the information is here on these boards and your situation seems similar to many others on here who are still in communication with their ex, but the ex is still in control.

 

She has other priorities right now, and you are not at the top of that list. If you don't mind taking a back seat to her multiple jobs and school, then keep doing what you are doing and stop stressing over it.

 

Personally, I think that even though she is very busy, she would make time for a guy who she really wanted to be with. If their was a guy that she was extremely attracted to, she wouldn't ignore him and she would be chasing him instead. Also, I'm pretty sure she was working three jobs and going to school when she met her rebound.

 

One last thing, you're going to push her away with your constant talks of getting into another relationship with her when she doesn't want one (at least with you) at this moment. Even more, you threatening to leave and not acting on it will eventually be seen as you crying wolf and she will become desensitized to it and either call you on your bluff, or see you as weak because of your indecisiveness and inability to stand firm.

[Brownstone322]

Great advice No. 1:

 

This woman has not been treating you right for a long time. This is just more of the same behaviour. She is not listening to you because you are not following through on wanting to be left alone. You keep running after her. You need to be firm and if you say NC if she doesn't want to get back together then you need to follow through with it and not be taken in by her sweet talk.

 

Great advice No. 2:

 

I don't get it. I mean, all of the information is here on these boards and your situation seems similar to many others on here who are still in communication with their ex, but the ex is still in control.

 

She has other priorities right now, and you are not at the top of that list. If you don't mind taking a back seat to her multiple jobs and school, then keep doing what you are doing and stop stressing over it.

 

Personally, I think that even though she is very busy, she would make time for a guy who she really wanted to be with. If their was a guy that she was extremely attracted to, she wouldn't ignore him and she would be chasing him instead. Also, I'm pretty sure she was working three jobs and going to school when she met her rebound.

 

One last thing, you're going to push her away with your constant talks of getting into another relationship with her when she doesn't want one (at least with you) at this moment. Even more, you threatening to leave and not acting on it will eventually be seen as you crying wolf and she will become desensitized to it and either call you on your bluff, or see you as weak because of your indecisiveness and inability to stand firm.

I suspect, though, that you'll ignore them and keep humiliating yourself, because I think you're seeking validation, not objective viewpoints.

 

And she's not "confused," by the way. That's a euphemism for "not interested."

[iBroken]

Great advice Bishop and crazy....you guys nailed it spot on.

 

Cuz, you need to take a step back.......many have said it on the board before.....if an ex wants you back, they will make it happen!

 

She doesnt seem to be making it happen.....there are no mixed signals here.

[Leveller]

And she's not "confused," by the way. That's a euphemism for "not interested."

 

I'm not one to generally disagree with Brownstone, a man I greatly respect, but although this might be true that 'confused=distinterested' which, in your case I agree, might not be true for all circumstances. I have been genuinely confused/torn both personally and professionally in my life. I have seen it many, many times with other people over many things - it DOES happen. Whether that 'confusion' is a blanket euphemism for some other state of non-equilibrium is another matter.