confused

[Jae87]

This is a long one (and confusing): sooo prepare yourselves

 

I was in a relationship from the age of 14-21. Long story short, met the guy too young, was in a controlling relationship, and didn't figure out that it was an unhealthy situation until i was 21. At that point I had felt like I wasted 7 of what were supposed to be the best years of my life (high school and college). That guy is now out of my life. So I spent the next 2 years of my life avoiding relationships. Met this guy while in school (when i was 21), who quickly became one of my best friends, only problem was we were extremely sexually attracted to one another. Neither of us wanted a relationship, so it all worked out for the next year and a half. I guess you could call it "friends with benefits" for lack of a better term. We both have always been very honest with each other. I didnt want a relationship because of my past, and he didn't want one because he is terrified of commitment and "relationship status". I would still go out and date other guys, and he would back off and allow me my freedom. He would tell me how he was interested in other girls, but he never dated or did anything with them. Im very close with all of his friends, and they would always tell me how they would go out to clubs/bars and he wouldn't even go up to another girl, and when they would ask him why he would say "because I care about Jae" I never believed his friends when they would tell me this, (I always figured they were messing with me), until about a month ago when I decided to nonchalantly ask him indirectly about his relations with other girls, and how he felt. Come to find out, in the year and a half of him and I, he really had never so much as touched another girl, and then he admits how jealous he would get when I would be dating someone and how much he misses me when I don't talk to him or see him for awhile. Since then we have talked everyday (a few times a day), and have become even closer than we were before. NOW, here is my current problem, he says he still isn't ready for a relationship, but I feel like we are practically in one, and I have completely fallen for him. Do I stick around and see how it goes? or do I tell him we can't continue things because he doesn't want a relationship? I don't want to feed into his commitment issues by not making him commit, but I also don't want to lose him because he does mean a lot to me.

[turnera]

There's no reason you can't still go out and date people. You're too young to be committed. You have a lot of living to do, and he should, too. If it's meant to be, you'll stay in touch.