some kind of self-sabotage?

[cntrofthestorm]

so today was a really good day as far as thinking about my ex goes. he hardly crossed my mind! i even have a tiny little "crush" (haha i sound like i'm 5) on this guy... it's very tiny and mostly i think my body/mind's way of helping me move on because i've hardly talked to him and i don't really know where the crush came from haha

 

but anyway, so i was hanging out with friends and i suddenly realized that i hadn't thought about my ex hardly at all and that i didn't feel very sad today but then instead of having that make me feel good, i felt sad! and then i for some reason had to go through the break up all in my head and since i don't look at his facebook, i looked at all of his friends to see if anything was there and read these forums and reminded myself that i was supposed to be going through a break up. and i just don't know why i did that. thankfully after pulling myself into that hole i got out of it quickly because i've been really busy and have some really awesome things to look forward to this weekend but it still just makes me sad to think that i'm so close to moving on. i guess i don't really want to.

 

i guess it makes sense that i would feel sad; i'm not the one who wanted to end things. but there is nothing i can do on my own to fix things so there is no other option other than moving on. idk it just annoying. does anyone else have this kind of problem?

[Sanesoul]

It's hard to give up your grief. You feel it is wrong in some way to give up something that is so close to your heart, so you feel the need to relive it.

 

I am that way with my mother's death. It's been 24 years, but I still grieve, and feel awful when I forget about it for a little while.

 

It's different from a breakup, but the same. In time, you won't feel the need to keep it close to your heart and will let it go.