At first she's interested, now she's not

[Nomadic Intent]

Apologies for the length.

 

After weeks of lurking here and reading other's problems, i vowed to try and not add my very own baggage in account that everybody else here needs help...

 

But today was another in a list of many failures.

 

I've recently had to move to a new city for a job. I don't know anyone here, and the people i work with are all tied down with families and are 10+ years older... my interests are radically different and thus i found myself constantly alone in a strange city.

 

I quickly befriended my daily coffee shop staff, and they took even more interest in me when they found out what i do for work (film production). I took a particular liking to one of the baristas, she is one of the most stunning person i have ever met.

 

Even stranger is that i would bump into her randomly whenever i was in town. About 3 or 4 times. I joke that she's gotta stop stalking me. Each time it happened we spent some time with each other, talked about everything, and thus she got to know me better than her co-workers. I got to find out that as gorgeous as she is, she's an even better person. (small town farm girl, loves life.)

 

It was one of these meetings that she asked me out for a Thursday night. Of course i say yes.

 

I see her at the cafe Thursday morning to get my daily coffee. She tells me she can't wait for tonight. I remind her i work extremely long hours, and it might be late when i leave work. She says no problem.

 

So 7:30 pm rolls around i finally manage to get off work. I call her and let her know i'm on my way, only to have her cancel. Turns out her sister surprised her with plane tickets for a surprise visit to her parents farm.

 

She also said i didn't call her early enough to let her know how late, and that she had an early flight in the morning. She also sounded mad and was eager to get off the phone.

 

She says 'we'll do something next week'.

 

So next week rolls around, THIS week. I see her again, and i ask her if i can again attempt to take her out. She says yes. But later today i get a txt message: Her application for an apartment was approved, and she could move straight in. So she cancelled the date so she could move.

 

Only problem was, she didn't reschedule like the first time. Just a simple 'i'll see you around!'

 

I can't seem to figure out this girl. I mean, a girl won't ask a guy out unless she's interested, right? Also, her reasons for cancelling seem legit, but not offering a reschedule after the second cancel?

 

I feel like i shouldn't even ask the third time? I always kept a 2 strike policy, but never met anyone like her before.

 

And does the fact i leave this city in a couple of weeks deter her? Why did she ask me out in the first place?

 

She's mentioned she wanted me to meet everyone she knows as she thinks i'm the sweetest guy in the world. (her own words) but now she keeps flaking.

 

Can anyone help decipher her behaviour? Is it worth a 3rd strike?

[DanDee]

To be honest, I've read this over three times I really am struggling to understand her behaviour. Flaking the first time is fair enough but the second time is pretty rude to me, especially when she's the one suggesting these dates. And saying how great you are. Maybe she simply likes the attention of someone persuing her?

 

All you can do, if you're that eager (but possibly willing to be hurt again) is ask her a third time. If it happens again, cut your losses and move on.

[joebobthomson]

Just sounds like bad timing to me. I would give it one more shot, because it sounds like she's worth it.

 

If it doesnt work out this time, then back off and don't worry about it.

[Nomadic Intent]

To be honest, I've read this over three times I really am struggling to understand her behaviour. Flaking the first time is fair enough but the second time is pretty rude to me, especially when she's the one suggesting these dates. And saying how great you are. Maybe she simply likes the attention of someone persuing her?

 

I called a friend of mine back home and he said exactly the same thing. Gorgeous women like her like to feel wanted, to be pursued. Thanks Dandee.

 

I honestly thought she was above that, that's typical city-girl behavior i've experienced all my life.

 

Thanks Joe bob for the input. I have decided to give it one more try, and even though i am running out of time (leaving in 4 weeks) i will let it marinate for a couple of days with no contact.

 

Still, the complete 180 degree spin she did is still baffling. But yes, she is definitely worth it.

[DanDee]

I called a friend of mine back home and he said exactly the same thing. Gorgeous women like her like to feel wanted, to be pursued. Thanks Dandee.

 

The way I see it (because I do it myself I'm afraid) is that attractive women have the pick of the crop. Therefore it's almost a test to see how much she is wanted by the guy. How far he is willing to go corellates to how much he wants her as a whole person.

 

Or simply she might not feel anything other than friendship for you and likes to play you to feel some power over a guy. I hope it's the first one.

[Hikapo]

You have fallen into the trap of beauty infatuation. This girl likes attention.

 

Pretty Girl asks you out, and flakes on you twice.

 

This girl is very immature. I am guessing she is between 18-24.

 

Move on buddy. Don't ever call her again. Get your coffee like usual, be friendly, but don't flirt with her anymore, or else you will be sucked into this whole BS that she pulls on you.

 

Better yet, find another coffee shop to get your coffee.

 

You have now seen some of the worse behaviors by pretty girls. There are more to come! Just be careful and don't get your emotions involved till you get a few dates from a girl.

[Nomadic Intent]

 

You have now seen some of the worse behaviors by pretty girls. There are more to come!

 

Its sad to say, but i've been in the dating game for almost 3 years now. And i've seen and experienced these behaviors first hand in many forms and extremities. So its nothing new.

 

And yeah Hikapo, you're right. She's only 23.

 

The way I see it (because I do it myself I'm afraid) is that attractive women have the pick of the crop.

 

Quite aware of that too. I read too many self-help books to dismiss the signs!

 

So i found myself headed to work extremely early today, and even though i wanted to avoid her over the weekend after her last flake, i decided to get a cup of coffee.

 

But after reading the reactions here and thinking about it, i decided to exude confidence, show her that i'm not least dissapointed with her last flake.

 

I walked in all smiles, gave her the complimentary good morning, and that was it. I spoke to her 2 other co-workers at great length, what plans for the weekend, movies to see, upcoming concerts - and completely ignored her. Only spoke to her again to tell her to have a nice weekend.

 

And lo and behold what do i get 15 minutes later after leaving the coffee shop? A txt from her, saying 'we should catch up next week. Haha it's only been cancelled like 20 times.'

 

What is it about this girl? It does feel like a trap. I'm aware of the cat string theory, is this it at play?

 

I like this girl and want to be something with her. But it feels like a game and i hate games. But are games a necessary evil these days? Like a form of screening for the gen x's?

 

I believe i should take up her last invite, and prepare another date with her. But i should be prepared for her to flake and brace myself for a dissapointment. What do u guys think?

[thatguyman]

silly games...as someone said above, I've seen this before...I would give her one more chance, and after that if she's still playing around, move on.

[DanDee]

You can always tell her you're annoyed, not aggressively but say that you're not sure what's going on or something of that effect?

 

Be strong about it and give out the vibe that you're no push-over. And ALSO that you have other options... perhaps bring up another girls name - even if it's made up.

 

But like someone else said above, the best thing you can do is move on. She sounds too immature and honestly, not even that much of a nice person.

[Hikapo]

Just move on man. She is trying to lure you back in.

 

But it seems like you want to give it another shot.

 

DanDee is right though, she is very immature and not a good person. Imagine how many times she is going to flake on you when you get into a relationship with her.

[biddo]

wow.... I mean I would give her a third chance, simply based on what you said, but how would you do it, you dont want to lower your value ie beg the girl to do it.

[Nomadic Intent]

you dont want to lower your value ie beg the girl to do it.

 

No way should any guy beg a girl for a date. Ever! I won't let myself demonstrate lower value, even if it came down to that.

 

i agree hikapo that it feels she's luring me back in. I'll call her bluff, and give it another shot.

 

I will send her a fun txt about a small town further down the coastline where its rumored to have the best pizza in the state, and see if she'll tag along. No lowering self value about that.

 

If not, as everyone else agrees to, i will cut the losses, and move on.

 

Thank you all for the support!

[biddo]

No way should any guy beg a girl for a date. Ever! I won't let myself demonstrate lower value, even if it came down to that.

 

i agree hikapo that it feels she's luring me back in. I'll call her bluff, and give it another shot.

 

I will send her a fun txt about a small town further down the coastline where its rumored to have the best pizza in the state, and see if she'll tag along. No lowering self value about that.

 

If not, as everyone else agrees to, i will cut the losses, and move on.

 

Thank you all for the support!

 

 

fair enough brotha, good luck with that n keep us updated./

[Shudder]

she's upset you're not paying her any attention.. once you do she'll probably go all flakey again.

[Nomadic Intent]

3rd and final flake.

 

What i didn't mention on this board is that she's recently ended her 2 year live-in relationship with her boyfriend. Then went straight out and asked me out.

 

Yeah its her that's been doing the asking out but i guess all the red flags were there. I know she needs some time to be alone, even though i kept ignoring the fact.

 

So after flake 3, i'm gonna shut off all communication with her for a while. I leave town soon anyway. So does she, moving back to her parents farm to get away from her mess here.

 

Thank you all for the support!