how to get over a breakup that was COMPLETELY a blindside?

[cookiedough1]

Back story:

I was dating a great guy for just the past 3 months. He broke up with me 2 days ago because he realized that he was still in love with his ex gf that he broke up with almost 2 yrs ago. He saw her about 2-3 weeks ago and they both had strong feelings for each other. He told me that he tried to forget the feelings but he hasn't been able to.

 

Yesterday, I find out that he is going to fly down to Texas to meet her, tell her that he loves her and see if there's a chance. I'm terrified of seeing him next week and him telling me that they are back together. I don't understand my purpose in all this..and I can't help but feel like a victim.

 

I don't want to do anything...I miss his personality and conversation so much. I don't know how to get over this. I don't understand the lesson learned. I just feel like I got screwed so bad. He pursued me for months before we started dating and I had no inkling of these feelings he had for his ex. He himself didn't know until a few weeks ago, according to him.

 

help

[uncomfynumb]

I'm sorry that you are hurting but there is not a damn thing you can do honey but let it go. And why are you seeing him next week anyway? You have no problem playing second fiddle? Where is your self esteem?

 

Lesson learned? Ask more questions I suppose and be thankful it was only three months and not three years.

[Juxtapoz]

Ugh, what a doosh! As hard as it is, walk away from him now. Do not meet him next week.

[cookiedough1]

I will see him next week because we have classes together

[Kraegorn]

The lesson learned is once you know it's really over, it's time to let go. These things happen way too fast, when everything seems fine and dandy, you turn around for a sec, to look before you -- things are not what you thought it was, he isn't the person you thought he is. The relationship didn't go as expected. Then reality sets in and you're the one alone - or is that just another illusion? You have people around you to talk about it, and ENA to vent all things you can't say in person. You are not alone.

 

You were avoiding him for awhile until he caught up to you, what made you give in? Sometimes you have to follow your intuition.

 

To be quite honest, I'm not a fan of those that live for the chase.

[cookiedough1]

The lesson learned is once you know it's really over, it's time to let go. These things happen way too fast, when everything seems fine and dandy, you turn around for a sec, to look before you -- things are not what you thought it was, he isn't the person you thought he is. The relationship didn't go as expected. Then reality sets in and you're the one alone - or is that just another illusion? You have people around you to talk about it, and ENA to vent all things you can't say in person. You are not alone.

 

You were avoiding him for awhile until he caught up to you, what made you give in? Sometimes you have to follow your intuition.

 

To be quite honest, I'm not a fan of those that live for the chase.

Kraegorn,

 

I was not avoiding him for awhile...I did not know about him seeing his ex and the feelings that it stirred until 2 days ago. In those 2-3 weeks after he saw his ex, he did not act or say anything at all differently..I honestly had no idea. This is why it was such a shock.

[Kraegorn]

Sorry, I meant that in response to "He pursued me for months before we started dating"

[cookiedough1]

I was afraid to give in because we go to school together, have lots of mutual friends, and I was adamant about making sure I was emotionally available before dating him (I got out of my last serious relationship in 2008 ). Ironic, now. Furthermore, we were in different countries for a month during this time period, so that delayed us dating even though we have pretty much talked every day since last October.

[Kraegorn]

I see... I don't blame you for feeling like a victim. His motives never made much sense; as to chase you so long and get re-acquainted with an ex. Although, it's not the negative emotions that get us through the rougher times in our life.

 

There's not much to do now, except cope with the problem by beginning the process of healing. Then face him on his own terrority when you do meet him. If he has any sense of shame, he'll give you the space you need, and won't bother you. You have to remain positive as long as there is some lesson to be learned in life, as you questioned earlier. There is always reasoning behind what seems to be madness.

 

At least he didn't do this behind your back, and it's only been three months (which *can* be a long time in my book, especially the first few infatuated months). It's not as bad as you may think/feel. As feelings and thought are loosely connected together.