taco_224 Posted April 7, 2010 Share Posted April 7, 2010 I'm really beginning to lose hope as to ever developing a proper sexual relationship with a girl. I feel so goddamn ugly and rejected, like i'm damaged goods or my face was a birth defect. Nobody ever wanted to go out with me, and people on the internet keep telling me I'm "average." Who really wants "average" anyway? Can I pretty much just forget about ever having love at this point? How come all my friends are able to do it, but I can't? What's really scaring me is my sudden downturn. I developed rather unusual and severe bouts of self-abuse where I close the door to my office, turn on the radio, and just bang my head against the desk until it starts bleeding. I don't know why I do it, I just feel relief from the emotional pain after I'm done. I just feel like I deserve to be punished for looking the way I do. I want to take a shotgun to my horrible face and just blow it apart forever so I never bring an ounce of misery to any girl's day again just by being seen. I'm afraid to tell anyone because of two reasons. One, that nobody will take me seriously. Many people don't believe me when I tell them that nobody will ever want me because of the way I look. I only told one close friend, who suggested I may have something called "dysmorphic disorder" and that "it's all in my head." I'm getting tired of people telling me that it's "all in my head" and to "quit feeling sorry for myself." And two, I'm afraid some lawyer or cop will throw me in the psych ward instead of getting me *real* help. I've read about laws regarding commitment and it's really discouraging me from seeking help about suicidal thoughts. I feel like I'm better off trying to sort things out myself so I don't get committed. I don't want to live the rest of my life struggling to fulfill a baseline need that everyone else seems to do effortlessly just because I don't look normal. I don't want to die...but I don't want to live like this either. I just want someone to take me for who I am, regardless of looks, but nobody is willing to do that. I don't have much friends either, and I think it's just the way I look that is driving everyone away in every scenario. If something doesn't change, I will kill myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sff123 Posted April 7, 2010 Share Posted April 7, 2010 maybe try thinking about it as you have nothing to lose so you might as well act like you're confident even if you're not . a lot of it is how you act so just try to be a good bluffer, act confident without giving signs that you're insecure (aka over doing it) and people will give you a better reaction no matter how you see yourself. After you get a positive response you'll start to actually believe your act more and actually have real confidence Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sff123 Posted April 7, 2010 Share Posted April 7, 2010 like if you're seriously thinking about killing yourself then what does one or 2 negative reactions going to matter , so therefore you have nothing to worry about Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
taco_224 Posted April 7, 2010 Author Share Posted April 7, 2010 The issue of being lonely is a different one for a different day. I just want to learn how to shrug off these constant thoughts of failure and suicide. They scare me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sff123 Posted April 7, 2010 Share Posted April 7, 2010 ok well first of all the idea of failure is dependent on the fact there is some actual goal to life which is only reinforced by people who are afraid that they will fail if they think independently. Think of yourself as an explorer , the rules are being discovered and invented by you and make every step based on what you currently know and how you think you can best satisfy what you think makes you happy (don't worry about what other people think). if what you really want is the approval of others then simply make it your goal to learn what they like and become that but dont take it too seriously. Just think of it as a game and later on you might discover there are other things you care about more so you shouldnt think you've failed at life if you've simply screwed up a time or 2 at whatever goal you're currently preoccupied with Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flyoffthewall Posted April 7, 2010 Share Posted April 7, 2010 That really stinks. Sorry that you are in such a bad place. I recommend that you do seek help from a therapist or call a suicide hotline, if for no other reason than to vent or to find out whether being committed is really a danger in your circumstance. I have a history of depression, and while I haven't experienced self-abuse and do not know much about commitment laws, I've shared thoughts of suicide in the past and have found that most therapists are used to hearing this and will not flip out. You don't mention your body type. One thing that you can often do to fight depression and negativity, and, perhaps, improve your chances of meeting someone, is to exercise regularly. Doesn't have to be joining a gym -- could be buying a cheap exercise machine at a garage sale or getting a Wii. Have you thought of doing something like that? Most of us can't do much to change the way we look, but at least most can control personal health and fitness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simply Posted April 7, 2010 Share Posted April 7, 2010 well banging your head on a desk isn't gonna make you look any better. But I know how you feel. My brother is a club promoter, most of our friends are models, or guys who have some serious game with girls. I on the other hand, am far from it. I'm losing my hair, maintaining a decent weight is very hard for me to do. If I didn't work out i'd be 500lbs by now. I lost my job, I have bad teeth and a double chin is starting to form. So what is one to do? well....exercize is a good start. Even if your already in decent shape, working out is a mood enhancment, try it, if your not already doing it, it brings out the inner confidence, thats what gets me by with this issue. Killing yourself is just BS and you know it. There are ways around everything, find out what exactly it is that you hate about your looks, and fix them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whattodo12 Posted April 7, 2010 Share Posted April 7, 2010 It really is how confident you appear. I know a good looking guy that I can tell is depressed and doesn't have confidence, and I never see any girls around him. I understand its hard to be confident if your not comfortable with yourself. Do the things you like and are confident in and that confidence will show. I am comfortable with basketball and sports, so while I play them I am confident. If its hard for you to think of something your confident or comfortable with, then join something new: organization your interested in or sports club. Your bound to become comfortable in this new activity and confidence will come. Possibly this confidence will carry over to other things you do.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Not_Fair Posted July 2, 2010 Share Posted July 2, 2010 I totally get you man. trust me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sand dollar Posted July 3, 2010 Share Posted July 3, 2010 Nobody really falls in love with looks. It's the soul that matters and you soul is not average. Just give yourself a chance and let people know you. You will find that you are at least as loveable as us all. I have NEVER fallen in love because of the way someone looked. So don't worry over that. Just be yourself,be around people and love will come. Go to 12 step or support groups where peopel really get a chance to know you. You might be surprised how many will love you. It's easy you'll see .Love is already there for you,just find it. PM if you like Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wheatgrass82 Posted July 3, 2010 Share Posted July 3, 2010 oh my god you are a total babe just from your personality... i mean i may be a sucker for big softies like you but babe... stop that nonsense with the head banging... i have been there though so i know.. you feel like you are going crazy... i have been known to do similar things... i've punched myslef in the face before becos i felt so ugly.. i've known ppl in your situation.... but i tell ya.... having bad thoughts and banging your head aint gonna help. Firstly... looks is nothing. I have never gone for looks. the amount of ppl who say to me... what is a girl llike that doing with HIM??!!!! well... i cant tell ya... personality is everything. but even more so is self esteem. make that your only goal.... cos with that you will conquer the world... look at donald trump. he is one fugly dude.... but you never even notice that do ya?? or half of the comedians in hollywood are totally weird lloking too... i could go on but i think you get the gist. ps... see a therapist if you can afford it. otherwise.... laugh more... you're awesome man xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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