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Rebound but not really, advice?

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Hi all.

Short backstory, I've been in a relationship for 6 years (first love, for us both) and then dumped her thinking I could find someone better.

Now, a year later she's dating a new guy. They've been dating and yes probably also been in a relationship for about two months now.

After hearing about this and dating other women I've really come to understand my BIG mistake.

She was my PERFECT fit. I so intensly regret ever letting her go.

Every single women I've come accross during my time out with her has come accross as not even worthy of taking the place she had in my heart and mind.

And now, when she's taken and don't want me back I feel like I've made and have to live with the biggest mistake I ever could've and will do in my whole entire life.


So I got myself a rebound......

A girl I knew and used to have a teenage-crush for before I met my ex.

(It turns out she had a crush on me too)

Everything went very smooth, we kinda upped from dating to being in a relationship very fast.

So now I've been with her for a little less than a month.

Thing is this...

1. I'd go back to my ex in an instant. Even now that I have this new girl.

2. I find so many annoying things about this new girl but I realize they are all annoying because I keep thinking "ex wouldn't do it like that, ex would understand, ex is funnier" etc.

Catch is that actually I don't really think I'd find those things annoying if I truly would've gotten over my ex and then started dating this new girl. In fact I think we'd make a great great couple. We have so much in common and she likes me for who I am and appreciates my weird sense of humor etc.

3. I have since today initiated a total NC with my ex.


What do you folks think?

Is this a path to total insanity and a world full of hurt or does the possibility exist of both rebounding and falling in love?

I fear that the constant comparing will make me dislike her and possibly ruin a could've-been-good relationship.

What would you recommend?


After reading this forum I also have this intense feeling of wanting to "fix" myself.

I mean get active, working out and generally feel like the-next-time-i-meet-my-ex-she-will-realize-what-she-is-missing-and-start-to-doubt-her-new-relationship-and-eventually-want-me-back.


Another factor is this (and I know this really shouldn't be a factor...); I am 27. I want to be married and have kids when I'm 30. I feel like time is running out...



Sorry if it's incoherent and rambling but I'm so lost right now.

Best scenario ever would be if ex breaks up with him.

But I don't see that happening, she even told me today, when I stupidly asked her, that yes she's pretty happy now...............

Or perhaps bettery yet... That I truly fall in love with this new girl and we live happily ever after.



Anyways..... crap....

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Hmm. The reasons you may be seeing annoying things about this new girl that you are dating is the fact that you are not over your ex, and you are regretting your choice to end things.

I think the fact that you based your decision on the break up is because you could find someone better is a bit shocking.. but that was your decision and sadly you are going to have to live with the regret of making a decision based on something quite silly in my opinion.


It is not fair to this girl that you are dating now, you need to be honest with her and tell her that you are not over your ex and you would just like to hang out and spend time together, but you do not and can not handle anything serious.


You go on to say that you want to better yourself, in efforts your ex will see that you are bettering yourself and come back.. wrong reasons for bettering yourself.. you should want to do this so you make YOURSELF feel better, not in some effort to make someone come back to you that you broke up with because you wanted to see if there was anything better out there.


In my opinion I think that its okay to spend some time with the new girl, just as friends, and you need to work on you.. and your emotions.

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It's so tempting to beat yourself up to a bloody pulp when you think you've blown a great thing. I've done that a zillion times. Thing is, you can't afford to do that. It's a form of self-pity, and that will sink you faster than the Titanic.


Lots of people make big mistakes their first time out. I'm sorry that this one has cost you someone you once loved deeply. But if she's moved on, I myself would consider that case closed. Even if she were still single, getting back with you, the person who dumped her, would have a lot of baggage attached to it I'm not saying you were bad for dumping her. Like I said, a lot of us make mistakes on our first time around the dating/relationship circuit. Chalk it up to experience and get on with your love life.

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