i'm BAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!

[Weirdmartian]

So...

 

If you followed my other posts, you know there were problems in my relationship.

 

Well, it ended 3 weeks ago, and now I'm trying to wrap my head around it.

 

It was a good break-up, there were tears from her part, but a week later we skyped, and I was just an annoying, clingy, insecure idiot! So I went into NC.

 

A week later, she wrote me this email:

 

Hey Weirdmartian

 

How are you? How was your last night at the bar - did you have fun? I'm sorry we didn't get a chance to talk before I left Antigua - I had to make a carpet of sawdust for the the school for semana santa, so was busy the whole weekend!!

I'm on a roadtrip now with [newlover], [girlfriend1] and [girlfriend2]. We rented a car monday morning, and arrived at Flores up north. Tomorrow we head on to Tikal to see the Maya ruins - it's gonna be great!!!

Thinking of you.

(and love you still). Love [theEx]

 

 

the last part was definitely meant to assuage my concerns from our last skype, which makes me feel like an idiot. Cwap.

 

Right now, I don't feel like writing her, but I want to keep my options open, and so does she, when she gets back in 3 months.

 

I am not over her, really, because I still miss her, but I'm moving on, and I want to reverse the needy clingy tone I used last time.

 

She only checks the net once a week or so. Should I reply? I'm not interested in manipulating, but if I write anything, I want it to increase attraction.

 

I really feel like I'm in a HUGE mess I don't know how to clean up, so i don't know if to leave it, or take baby-steps.

 

 

Is it too soon to reply? Should I even?

 

If so, what? My natural instinct is to be happy for her, and tell her to enjoy herself. But I wonder if that just doesn't encourage her to forget me, when I want to reignite her attraction.

[iBroken]

How do you know she is with "New Lover"?

 

I read your previous posts and there wasnt anything there about another man being in the picture?

[Sanesoul]

I wouldn't reply, especially since she made a note of telling you that she is with her "new lover".

 

She's moving on, so should you, and I think if you keep this back and forth contact, it will do you no good.

[mca1975]

my honest opinion is that you should not reply, I think she is feeling very guilty and is making contact in a bid to stay friends but you cannot do that. stay away x

[Weirdmartian]

NewLover is a guy she met over there - they started out friends, but feelings grew. last time we spoke, 3 weeks ago, she said they were just friends. 2 weeks ago I got confirmation they got together (I FB search the guy, found him, saw a pic of him and her where the body language is too obvious). She doesn't know I know. I don't think she cheated. I think a few days past before anything happened, but of course, I'm not sure.

 

This is the reason, I think, she broke up. She felt bad about being with me, when she had lost her feelings for me, while she's out traveling, when she had feelings for this other guy (I mean, spending every day with same group of people could do that to you).

 

When we spoke, she said she wants to keep in touch so that when she gets back, we might get back together.

 

so, I want to keep this option open. I myself have begun seeing other women, but in 3 months, I might still be open to her if I'm still single.

[epson391]

You cant wait around for her while see is out exploring other people out there, what I have learned from my ex is that if there not willing to stay with you the first time then they never will change and you will always have to worry about her doing it again.

[Weirdmartian]

Perhaps a timeline would help:

 

Note: neither of us are the type that like to stay glued to a screen... only because I live in a crappy climate do I check it as much as I do. And she's out touring central and south america, so a lot of time outdoors.

 

19 jan

She leaves

 

08 feb

we skype for the first time. Goes really well, I can really tell she misses me dearly.

 

Feb

We skype a few times. I can tell the convo is not as good as the first time. She's out a out with her friend, so I don't here. Her friend tells me later she has missed me terribly.

 

Mar

She arrives in the new place and is now on her own. She makes new friends, and hits it off well with one of them.

 

10 Mar

We skype, she tells me it's very hard for her.

 

17 mar

First mention of newlover. I ask a little about him (dumb, I know). We break-up when she tells me it's gotten really hard, and she has a hard time feeling anything for me. I make the decision for the both of us. She wants to see what happens, when she gets home, she says she still loves me, bla bla bla.

 

18 mar

We chat, it goes fine.

 

22 mar

We skype, goes * * * * . I come off needy, insecure and clingy. She says she and NewLover are just friends...

 

well.. whatever they are, the next day, they get together.

 

I don't really blame her. I suspect she acted the way most women would.

[Weirdmartian]

I'm not waiting! I'm really trying to meet other women, but it's gonna take time before I meet someone worthwhile.

 

If she shows up, and i'm still single, i'm not interested in turning her down point blank.

 

I'm not bitter. I mean, a whole lot can change in six months - it was probably always in the cards that we'll see what happens, when she gets back.

 

How many relationships last 6 months without the couple seeing each other, if they've only been dating 4 months before that?

[fLuiD]

(I FB search the guy, found him, saw a pic of him and her where the body language is too obvious)

 

 

When you can control the urge to do this, you are in a better place for contact with her. By the time you reach that point, you probably wont even want to be in contact with her. You are already setting yourself up for MAJOR headache down the road. Go NC and stick to it at least while she is over there. Don't let her give you a guilt trip either about not contacting her.

[Weirdmartian]

Really?

 

She said she was unsure we were making the right decision, but it felt best for now, and that she wanted to see what would happen when she got back home. Not burn bridges, so to speak.

 

I'm worried NC would burn bridges.

[o_hopeless_o]

i agree with most posters. do nc, if she wants to get together or talk nc wont stop her. she will contact you one way or another.

[Weirdmartian]

Hmm... ok... well, it's 3 months until she gets back (July 5), and I have no idea what she's got in mind for then.

 

I'm really not sure this is a good idea if I want to preserve a chance a getting back together?

 

Like I said, I don't want her to think I'm bitter, because I'm not. I'm moving on well enough - dating other women - however, I'm not totally convinced she and I are done for good - of course I miss her, but it's not like I'm dying here. Just that when she gets back, I hope she gets in touch and start to pick up where we left off. So... if NC improves the chances of that happening, good. If it doesn't, well... then that's not what I want (unless it is absolutely the right thing to do ie for me to just forget about her forever).

[o_hopeless_o]

if its that important to you, you can just let her reach out to you and you respond when you find you feel like you want too. there will be what if's in both situations NC or not. what if you go nc and she doesnt contact you cause she scared you wanted to forget her? what if its because she doesnt want a relationship anymore with you? what if you dont do NC and she moves on with this new lover of hers?

 

17 mar

First mention of newlover. I ask a little about him (dumb, I know). We break-up when she tells me it's gotten really hard, and she has a hard time feeling anything for me. I make the decision for the both of us. She wants to see what happens, when she gets home, she says she still loves me, bla bla bla.

 

now they are together or something? or a lil more then friends right?

 

so she goes out to whatever place shes at, meet new ppl and maybe hook up, then come back and POSSIBLY make a decision to try again? it sounds like "i dont have feelings for you right now but i may later if nothing else 'better' comes along, ill let chu' know when i get back if your worth it again. LOVE YOU!"

 

sorry i wasnt trying to be mean but thats just what it sounds like!

[Weirdmartian]

I think you hit the nail on the head.

 

You obviously illustrated what's important here.

 

Does everyone else agree?

 

Thanks for the feedback.

[Weirdmartian]

Like I said, I'm worried NC will really end any chances of getting back together. This is what I've planned on writing back (I used google translate):

 

Hey there!

 

Sounds like a great trip + roadtrip! Glad to hear that you are doing well over there! Make sure you don't miss anything!

At home I have been really busy, but I it's going really well. It is all very worthwhile

Have a wonderful trip in Central America, y todos los maravillosos lugares que usted va!

 

Cuidate mucho!

 

Is this too much?

 

Should I still just go NC?