Ok.. Just thinking out loud

[Mun]

Tristesse plays hard to get .. It can't do any harm the way Tristesse says is ok too. As long as SHE is the one asking to see you Craig.

 

Being a little out of reach always has the effect of the person wanting you more( when they really care)and I think she does so go for it.

[craigblitz]

Hahaha what are the odds that I pass her on the way. I was going east and she was going west. I am sure she didn't she me but I seen her.... awwww it just broke my heart kind of......lol It makes me sad that she is traveling 5 hrs to see a friend but couldn't come 30 minutes to see me when I am in town Sometimes I feel there is hope and others I just realize that she doesn't love me. Plus having my son ask about her tonight every 5 seconds doesn't help.

 

I went against my better judgement and sent a text telling her to have a save trip and have fun while she is down there. I hope when she drives past my town where I grow up she thinks of me for at least a second. She did text back and said hope you and your son have a fun weekend. I kind of took that as she is not going to call when she drives through... that makes me really sad and pissed you come all the way out there and won't take the time to get a cup of coffee with me... Hell maybe she will, I am just expecting the worst......

 

I am realizng though that I am a good person and I do have a lot of love to give to someone. My goals and direction have not changed at all. There is going to be someone who appriciates what I have. We will see.... Thanks again everyone for the words. I can not play hard to get because she will be driving through where I will be on Sunday so if she ask I am going to jump on it

[tristesse]

it breaks my heart to hear your story it must have been so painful seeing her drive by….. I'm sorry…. But stop obsessing and make yourself busy this week end… you should not see her even if she wants to see her. Why don't you tell her you had to get out of town for business or something…so that way it doesn't look like you're avoiding her "last minute" but also it will make her wonder a little and she will be for sure disappointed . Also I really think you should AVOID mentioning her name in front of your son. You don't want him to think about her because you don't want your love life and your chase in finding the one interfere in your child's life and growth.

I know how you are right now, trust me I can just imagine how badly you're dying to see her. But try to stay strong. Your hear is beating, you can't stop wondering where she is now, what she's doing, if she's thinking of you, if anything reminds her of you…. But you want o stay STRONG remember….. But if you think you can't and u must see her then…. You do what you need to do, but take some time and evaluate this for a second truly….

hugs

[Mun]

I still think that if she asks to see you and you go that you should (depending on how the conversation is going)ask her " so have you had any thoughts about the break up ?" and see what she says. If she gives you a negative response like : I still think we can't be together. I would cut all contact. Why be rejected over and over? Unless you want to just be her friend.

 

I say this because she has been the one looking for you and texting you, calling. Maybe she is ready to bring it up, you will know.

 

Good luck !

[craigblitz]

I know you are right Muneca, but I think if she does ask to see me I am just going to let this meeting be fun and casual. I think she does think about me and stuff, but that is natural. I have said from day 1 I can not be her friend and that is what is happening. When we frist broke up I sent her an email laying my complete emotions on how I feel on the line and still have not got the courtesy of a reply from her or anything. Myabe she is confused, or the simple truth she does not love me. Then she needs to leave me alone. I have been doing so good, but then last night I could not sleep because I kept wondering if she would text or call to let me know if she got in ok.... yeah nothing. I am just done. I hope she doesn't call on Sunday, I have to move on. As pathetic and horrily lame as this might seem, I was watching Nick with my sone last light and a show called Ginger or sometihng was on. Anyway, they showed this butterfly and if you hold it too tight you will crush it, but if you let it fly there is a chnage it will come back to you. Well I am opening up my palm for her to fly and see where it takes her. I just do not want to be apart of that journey, might be rude but it is best for me. I still wish she would give some closer as to why she broke up, after 3 years I feel I am entitled to that, but maybe I am not. I am sorry I sound pissy, but I am a little.

 

Thanks for hearing the rant

 

Craig

[tristesse]

Hey,

Believe it or not but last night I couldn't sleep either. I think we get so involved with each others pain that somehow we all see from each others pain and learn. Well I was thinking about you and how you must feel since your ex was in town. Then I put myself in your shoes and imagined what would have happened if my ex was on town. How would I feel? What would I do? I my body was just shaking. And you know how angry I am at him and how in my case, the best would be to not see him, well even me I think I would have died if he didn't have tried to see me…. I was crying thinking about this scenario. But then I thought why would I have felt so much pain…. Is it because I would have wanted to see him and hold him? To tell him I love him? Or just be beside him? Or for him to tell me something? And the more I thought the more I realized that YES….. Because if I was to see him and to not be able to hold him, to kiss him, to feel the same intimacy we shared for four years would just be horrible…. I can't even picture how weird it would be… but also it would kill me to not see him…. Oh the whole night I went through this…. So in some way I was relating to you and gosh I can just imagine how terrible last night was for you.

Another reason why it hurts I think it's also because my them wanting to see us, it gives ud a feeling of security again, felling cared and loves. It's hard for us to imagine that a person we love so much and with whom we shared such a deep and loving relationship could just not feel anything towards us anymore. But it's not that they don't …maybe some people just fell out of love… maybe for some love doesn't not conquers everything. I don't know what it is…. I was thinking last night that it's destiny and our destiny is set we just don't know about it… but then I freaked out because I thought " what if my destiny , our some people's destiny is to live through pain? How can u change your destiny if it's preset. Anyway… I'm blabbing here a lot now…. I miss him terribly today… T's hid graduation day and I had a whole party organized…. I had called all his friends, I wanted to surprise him so they would all show up and we would all go to the beach today and it's such a beautiful day too… Oh I was so excited for this day and I know why now… It was like I was getting a second degree myself… I had done so much work. I had done so many projects for him. And it feels like it's more mine the his….lol Well, he didn't even care to go himself to it … I think I have to start letting go….I know, I know I say that every day… but god it's heard! I miss him, miss him, miss telling him my stuff, miss hearing about his stuff, miss being with him, holding him, miss doing things with him … I miss him so much that it kills me…….. And then I WONDER If he does to? But I know it doesn't matter what he thinks…it shouldn't but It does…. Somehow it does matter to me… somehow I'm having trouble letting go……3 days ago was our 4 years anniversary! And I kept quite about it… but I'm so sad! Deep inside me, I was hoping a note, something…….. but nothing………. It's just so inhuman to think someone could pretend to love you so MUCH for SO long……….

Anyway…. I want to hear what happened ….did she end up calling ot text messaging again?

[craigblitz]

No she is in Cincinatti and I am in Pittsburgh. I will be in Columbus tomorrow and she will be driving through so if we are going to see each other that is when it will be. I am not holding my breath. To get to to where she was going she had to drive throuh my town where I grew up. I thought maybe she would think of me and call, but nothing. I am so f ing sick of thinking of her. From what she has done she has given me clues that she might be ready to see me or talk then nothing. WTF is that all about. Am I looking into stuff wrong. Why in the hell would she want to know where I was, why the text messages. I TOLD HER I AM NOT GOING TO BE HER FRIEND. I refuse to settle for second place and me accepting that is what I will be doing.

 

Tritsee..... I wish there was something I could do to take away your pain. I truly feel for you. How after all those years could they just say F-IT and not care. I am not sure, but I do know you have a huge heart and some guy is going to ttreasure that someday. I guarantee that.

[craigblitz]

Well I got the text message a couple of mintes ago asking if I would like to get dinner tomorrow with her... I text back and said sure depending on the time. I am going to do my absolute best to make sure we have a great time and nothing more. I will let her steer the conversation if any about the relationship. I am willing to bet dollars to nickles that I will find somethings out just after the dinner. To be honest I am stoked she asked, that means she has to have at least thought of me once........ sweet sweet sweet.... Ok pray she doesn't back out on me... She just texted again and asked if my son was going to be with me... I answered if she would like that I could make that happened. I wasn't sure what to say. Maybe she wants him there to ease the tension, maybe she just misses him and not me, maybe all these things who knows. So I said whatever she prefers I can do.

 

What do you guys think?

 

She just said that is ok but thanks.. Thanks for what...hmmmm...lol Hhaha my mind is racing...Hahaha.... I really hope in 20 years I can read all this stuff and laugh.. I feel like I am 12 years old going on my first date or something....lol

[Mun]

I think that means ..don't take your son..have a nice adult date/conversation with her. Have a good time!

[craigblitz]

Thanks muncea..... I will have good time. Thanks to thos board I am going into it confident and knowing what not to do!!!! Sweet

[tristesse]

good luck keep us posted but DON'T TAKE Your son!

hugs

[craigblitz]

Ok the update:

 

The good : The company, the food, the laughs seeing her. She had a great time. I had a great time. It was soo good just to sit and laugh with her. She didn't want to go home so she asked if she could see my place in Columbus so we came back here for a while. Then I said it was time she got going she still has a 3 hr drive. We got some ice cream and showed her where I work when I am in Columbus. All in all a very positive night. I was leaving without giving her a hug and she gave me one, and would not let go. It was nice.

 

The not good not so bad. : Just talking to her as a friend and nothing more not being able to tell her I love her, but thanks to this board I stayed strong. At the same time she has to be thinking of me a little or she wouldn't have asked to see me tonight. She told me she misses like Dylan like crazy. And told me her next weekend off and she would love to see him. I said that might not be a good idea but we will see.

 

The bad : A really nice ring I bought her she didn't have it on. She had some other ring on her hand, but I kept it together and didn't say nothing about it. It did bother me a little ok maybe a lot, but so be it. I am sure she took it off because it reminded her of me too. If it didn't mean anything then she may have kept it on. I think it might be over over, but then I think I have to look at things long term and this was a good step.

 

Where I am... I did great, I have come a long way. I am really trying to look at stuff with the big picture in mind. She has some feelings for me no doubt will they grow to a relationship.... who knows, but I am going to enjoy tomorrow and the next day regardless. I do love her, and want to love her but don't need to. She asked if I would like her to get my mail while I am gone and I told her no. I told her that I have it taken care of.

I still wish I had some answers as to why she broke up, but I guess I really do not need to know. She does seem bitter towards guys she made a comment that she doesn't want to talk to anyone with a penis... I laughed but then was like why the heck do you hate men... I didn't dump you. Then thought maybe a guy recently hurt her, but that is a slippery slope and left that thought.

 

Anyway, if someone can comment and maybe let me know what they think. Do you think there is hope, did I handle things ok and so...

 

Thanks all. Good night all in all.

[Mun]

I think there is tremendous hope! It sounds like a great night. You did all the right things ( I would say) and she behaved very well too. I think you can expect more dates like this one, great of you to not tell her "I love you" because you are not at that point right now. You're both going to have to work your way back to that one.

 

Don't look too much into the other things like the ring and such. She may have tucked it away for safe keeping.

 

A hug where someone won't let you go is incredible !

 

All in all it sounds like you both had a great time together, and isn't that what we all want?

 

You might want to keep your son out of it if you think it might be confusing for him to to see her, but if he keeps asking for her then the opposite might be true. In that case you can set up an outing with her that centers around him, short and fun.

 

Love

[craigblitz]

Thanks, it was a good time. In fact she even called me when she got in and thanked me for a great time and told me it was a lot of fun. That was nice becasue I do worry about her. I also realize that muneca and tritsee might be very right and lay really low for a while because I do not want her to get in that comfort zone of me just beingg a friend, so I am going to have to stick to my goal of not contacting her.

 

Another thing that happened last night, her Grandma had a small heart attack, she is ok, but I sent her a little flower arrangment and a get well card at the hospital. I didn't tell her about it becasue I didn't want her to think it was done for the wrong reasons. The fact is I love her grandma and it scared me so I followed my heart and sent something. My ex then later called and asked how in the hell did I get something sent so fast on Sunday. I told her it was no big deal. She said she was drilling her mom (who was with her grandma) on what the card said and stuff. I really hope this is not percieved in the wrong way at all, like I said I really do love her family to death and thought it was the right thing to do.

 

Again I can not thank you guys enough for all the sound advice. There is no doubt and I mean no doubt I would have done soo many things wrong if not for this board. All in all great time.

[tristesse]

Nice you did goo dto send the flowers.....

Oh I am so happy for you...I wish my situation as like yours...I miss him SO much~

[craigblitz]

Well it has its pluses and minuses. Sometimes I think this would be soo much easier if she would just go away 100%. Tritsee.... I wish there was some magic words and ideas or something I could tell you. You have to start believing that he will regret this someday. He does think of you, he does care, but like I have said he has made a decision now he is going to have to act and support this decision all the way.

 

Hang in there...

[tristesse]

I know... I don't know which on is harder... no contact or contact.....

My mom and I were saying how courageous he is for making such a decision and sticking to it... but still I wished he did it differently … I miss having him as my friend and hanging with him and all… summer is killing me bec I remember all our plans fr this summer…sniff.

No one has any words to ease my pain….. Really I think god wants me to suffer a great deal….

I went to a "date" on Sunday…well we can't really call it a date because I made sure the guy understands it's not one. The guy was super nice….everything I should want….but I kept on thinking about my ex…all through the night…It was a bad idea going out,,,, but I thought it would help… nothing seems to help… as the wedding is getting closer…I find myself missing him more.. missing him because he use to be my support in life…I need him so much… I miss him and I am so sad that he's not going to take part of this whole journey with me…then I am mad because I know it was his decision to do this…… How can you hate and love someone so much and so deeply?

 

I think you will end up having your ex, telling you she regrets losing you… but u need to be patient…she's analyzing your relationship at this time I think…… I'm happy to see you're doing better at least!

[craigblitz]

HAHA Better is a whole other ball game... I still have strong emotions of missing her and stuff. And I am really do not think there is a change, but there is nothing i can do at this point you know. I have to take care of myself and my son. The same thing for you. You have to take care of you, the wedding is going to be hard, but stay strong. I will write you later tonight....

[tristesse]

This is what I was scared of...the wedding I hope to notthink of him a lot on that day...sniff sniff

[craigblitz]

The wedding will be hard, but start preparing for it now mentally, you know. Try to live in the moment for your sister and try to get into her happiness. Again just try to prepare.

 

Update: Nothing. The date Sunday has really got me thinking, as to why she broke up. She has given me no answers. We had a blast Sunday, but you know what we always had fun. A close friend of mine told she thinks that she just wants some time for herself, with me leaving it gives her that opportunity. That friend told me she still loved me (my ex's words). How can someone love you and risk loosing you. If all my ex needed was some time, I can handle that I can respect that, but those words have not been said by her. Also, the words I want to work things out have not been spoken. So who knows........Anyway, trying to have the best possible and I hope all of you with hurting hearts try to do the same

 

Craig

[tristesse]

hi,

I think she's confused and the reason she's not telling you she loves you is bec she wants to know for sure if you are the person she wants to spend her life with.... she's taking a risk .... a risk to lose you...but maybe she also thinks that ifit's meantto be it will happen..I would stay away and wait... but at the same time I would try to be better without her.... who knows maybe you wouldn't wnather... take this time to evaluate if also she is thetrue one for you.

You are a great man.... and her or someone else will one day appreciate your love so much

[craigblitz]

Ok totally stuck between a rock and hard place.... Her brother is in the hospital he has chronze disease. Anyway she text and tells me more bad news, etc.. etc. I text back damn that sucks are you ok? She writes back yeah just really worried I will call you when I know more. I write back and said call call anytime I am always here for you... (Stupid I know, I know), but it is true and it was what I thought was right...

 

Update in progress..... She called and gave me an update on her brother, at the sametime a girl I work with came and in and said hey we are going to go watch the game lets go. I said no I am chilling tonight. My ex was was like who is that, I said Jessica a girl I work with, she is like whatever you are probally doing her.....lol I laughed it off, she said is she cute, I said not really she is like ok whatever. We talk for a little more just BS stuff she then said ok have a nice night I will call when I know more. I said thanks, she said don't have too much sex with her.....

 

WTF where did that come from..... Listen she broke up with me..... Why am I the one who feels guilty about this???? BS i tell you..... Oh well...

 

Plus a woman at the bar tonight was telling me that she will never tell you why she broke up..... but she will regret it, but just move on... Damn it she is right, but there has to be some type of hope or she would not call....

[Mun]

Listen Craig, you have nothing to feel guilty about. She is the one that decided to break up with you. She didn't like the possibility of you seeing another woman or she would not have commented on it. Let her think about that for awhile( that someone else could take you ) She is risking losing you but probably didn't think about that at the time she broke up with you. At that time she was only thinking of herself and what SHE needed (space, time)Your are doing good at being there for her at this hard time in her life, but don't put yourself out. By that I mean "don't do it until it hurts you"

Let her be jealous of you and let her be a little bothered/scared at the thought of losing you. No harm in that

[shockeddismayed]

Ahh... Craig.

 

Grab hold of that imagination of yours... When you are nervous and joking, things just come out that don't mean anything. She was speaking figuratively about "sleeping to the top"... a common joke.

 

I'd be more likely to say that she obviously felt comfortable enough with you to joke normally, than to say that she even half-heartedly meant any of that.

 

She was just trying to joke and I'm it's entirely possible she is saying "damn, why the heck did i say that to him... now he'll think I am fooling around... oh my gosh, he'll go out and do someone himself... oh my gosh I have no control over him anymore... ughh what am I doing"

[craigblitz]

Hahaha Shocked you are probally right..... Dude you give some of the best advice on here in the world, thanks. I follow your story very closley as well. Sometimes I just want to tell you take your own advice and you will know what is best....lol Something about seeing the forrest from the trees comes to mind.... lol take care. At this point things are getting to comfortable for her as friends so I am going to back off a little.... no a lot.....