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Oh god I've [color=#fa7777]* [/color][color=#fa7777]* [/color][color=#fa7777]* [/color][color=#fa7777]* [/color]ed up so much... Thoughts of getting back together in a LDR?

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Yes, this is a LDR, me in NYC and her in Singapore. We planned a trip in May for me to go to Singapore for 2 weeks. We were planning to go from Singapore->Malaysia->Thailand->Laos->Vietnam. I booked the ticket already, but we did not plan anything else in detail so it's still up in the air.


Please ignore the LDR part and try to focus on if I can get her back. This all happened withing the last week.



Monday 11am - She called me, said we should break up. Said she wants some space and to be single, but wants to remain friends. I tried to convince her for 20 minutes, fail. I ask her about the trip, she says she would still go. I ask her to think about it for a day, and call me again at night.


Monday 9pm - She calls, I ignore it and continue hanging out/drinking with my buddies.


Tuesday 9am - She sends a message confirming the breakup.


Tuesday 12pm - I send her a msg asking her to call me so we can discuss the trip we planned.


Tuesday 9pm - She sends message saying she is busy with school work and will call back on Thursday.


Thursday 9am - She calls, we talk, I try to convince her to come back again, fail again. I ask about the trip, she is more hesitant this time and says she needs time to think about it. I ask her when, so we schedule another talk Saturday 9am.


Thursday 6pm - I send her a message apologizing for trying to win her back, and agree to give her space.


Saturday 9am - She calls, but I put her off for hanging out with my cousin. She asks to reschedule to Saturday night.


Saturday 11pm - She calls, we talk for 20 minutes awkwardly, slightly about a relationship, a lot of silence. She said that she still loves me and misses me, and asked if I miss her (she knows I still love her). I told her yes. She also said she hates me for making her miss me, and hates herself for breaking up with me. It's uncomfortable, so we decide to stop talking.


Saturday 1120pm - I call her back, decide to try my luck and at least ask her what her main reason was for breaking up. She says that she doesn't think we have a future together, that my beliefs are different from hers. This pissed me off, because she NEVER talked to me about it, and instead thought it all out herself when she decided to break up with me. She mentioned a specific example of our "different" beliefs, which I told her was wrong (but in a nice manner of course). We talk some more, this time more comfortably. We tell jokes, laugh, have fun. I * * * * up here and let the conversation go on, and she ends it after 30 minutes saying she's tired. She asked if she could call me back, specifically saying when she wants to.



I've been reading these forums for the past few hours... I feel like I * * * * ed up so much with all this contact. Especially the last one, because it reinforced the friend thing through the comfortable talk. Now she's satisfied, and probably won't contact me again for a while.


The problem is, I don't want to stay friends; I want to try another time for our relationship. I was thinking of using the trip in May to try and win her back, but I don't know if that's a good idea... Especially if I continue contact with her now, as she will just friend zone me more.


And this trip in May might be the last chance I would ever see her. We still haven't talked about the trip at all... I am thinking I still want to go, and am prepared to do the whole trip by myself if I need to. Of course, I would like to see her if possible...



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Sorry dude, I don't like your chances of getting her back... I think your best option would be to keep on moving on.


There's too much drama to be able to make an LDR sustainable, and if the issue that's making her feel you're incompatible is one that's not gonna change... No dice.


And ignore the "friendzone" crap - IMO it's just a way people make themselves feel better when they want to get with a friend who doesn't want to get with them.


As far as the trip goes, I'd still go on it yourself, have fun, take your mind off things. Take a mate if you know anyone willling/fun to travel with.


HOpe it all works out, and welcome to ENA.

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