A Story

[Will757]

Some how, and to be honest I'm not even sure how it's happened, I've reached the age of 23 without ever having had a relationship, and I remain a virgin.

I have never posted here before, and don't know where this should go...

 

 

I don't know how it's happened to me. When I was 18-21 it didn't seem to worry me so much, I always thought I had plenty of time for that sort of thing when I was older, but since then my thoughts on the matter have changed. I think that the older I get without having had any relationships, the harder it is for me to actually have a relationship.

 

I mean the idea of a 23 male virgin is hardly attractive is it. People kind of expect people of my age to have some kind of experience, yet I don't have any at all. It is really starting to worry and concern me.

 

Yet I don't know what to do to change the situation, I try speaking to members of the opposite sex, and I try stuff like dating websites and all manner of similar stuff, but nothing ever seems to happen for me... I always get on with people really well, can talk, and laugh, and whatever, but no one ever sees me as anything more than a friend.

 

My situation is destroying me at the moment, I feel so angry and fed up all the time. I don't understand how I have reached my age without having had a girlfriend. I feel really lonely, and feel so pathetic about myself. Yet I am unable to change the situation because I don't know how.

 

This isn't a sob story, and I don't want sympathy, far from it. I just felt the need to write this down, in the hope it would help me collect some thoughts, and in the hope you would have some helpful advice for me.

[geekgirl4]

First off, people can pick up the vibe of how you feel about yourself. If you want to get anywhere, you have to start with yourself. There is nothing wrong with being a virgin at 23, I want to say half of my guy friends are in that age bracket. You're trying so hard that I think maybe you're trying too hard and letting it eat up your life, which people pick up on. You say you've tried all those dating sites and gotten along well with people, perhaps it might be you don't take initiative in terms of getting closer with people? A lot of my guy friends get along well with people but they aren't stellar in terms of getting a closer relationship with a girls, so that might be a start. Try to become better and closer friends with people.

[Green Mile]

I am in exactly the same boat as you and I'm 25, so don't feel as though you're the only one! Though it sounds like you've done a bit more than me as I've never been on a dating website.

 

I just have to hope it happens for me one day and try harder to approach women.

[LightbulbSun]

Same here, except I'm 27. I can't really see how I got here - I mean, plenty of girls have found me attractive. Even up to a few months ago, I was getting hit on.

 

I haven't lost hope, though. My 'issue', and the reason for my inexperience, is social anxiety and shyness. I've gotten a lot better over the past few months - I used to not be able to leave the house - so I know that if I keep on moving forward, I'll be able to make up for lost time.

 

Anyway, don't think you're alone, man. This mod I know from a social anxiety site is 35, and never kissed a girl (virgin, too.) And I know a guy who got his first kiss at 39, lost his virginity a month later, and now is married with a kid. There's no race, it'll happen eventually.

[pcmodemtcg]

Ok I am 38 and never had a relationship either.

 

I can remember being where you are now and I wish I had had the courage or the money to see a psychologist or something, but I didn't. Trust me, if you do not break out of this cycle, you will end up like me. I am able to co-exist with people at my workplace (although most of them truly detest me) just enough to get by, but that is all. I am pretty well past the point of any hope myself, but the one thing I can hopefully do is inspire you to try anything and I mean ANYTHING to help your situation. If I had a real answer or suggestion, (other than to see a psychologist) I would give it to you.

 

But if you don't you can expect to probably end up alot like me, bitter and angry at the world, paranoid and completely unable to trust people, and filled with self-loathing. I look forward to nothing, life consists of watching TV, playing video games, and going to a few movies (alone). While I am not a virgin (I have broken down and at least paid for it a few times), I do not have any idea what it would be like to be with someone who actually wants to be with me, just for me. I don't know what you look like, but at best I grade out at a D+ or C-, so if you are better looking than that (only you will know), then you have at least a small leg up on me, so for God's sake, use it.

Take at least some comfort that genetically you were not gifted with a multitude of undesirable traits.

 

Please - break out of your cycle. If I can inspire just one person to do that, then maybe my life will have had some meaning. Maybe its you.

 

Take care and all the best.

[LightbulbSun]

Pc, it's not too late for you, either. It's never too late.

[dr_styles]

You seem to know the score I guess so I'll say is welcome to the club.

It's not just the situation of being single and virgin and all the rest associated with us, but I have the same life story with having nothing, and honestly not caring until just over a year ago coming to my senses and realising I was on a pretty bleak path.

I've come a long way but still haven't made up for any lost time yet.

 

Rather than give specific ideas, which I'm sure you've all heard of anyway, I'll give my suggestion that at least have a list of ideas you can try over time. I find knowing you have another plan to try (like a makeover, job, possible new friend connections) helps keep morale up.