Hardest Thing I Ever Encountered

[ZizousamA]

I've been dating this girl for a year now. She isn't just any girl. I've known her for so long and always loved her. I never told her I loved her though because I didn't wanna ruin our friendship in case she didn't return the feelings. I knew she liked me, but not sure if she loved me. Four years ago I went abroad to study my Bachelor's Degree. I lost contact with her, but was always on my mind. A year ago on March 23 I suddenly saw her email online on my messenger for the first time in THREE years. We started chatting and catching up. She then told me she loves me and always have and had to tell me now because she's afraid we wouldn't see each other again. I told her I loved her too and that she was the one. We both never dated anyone because we had each other at heart. So, we started a long term relationship and it was the best the we both ever had. I felt alive for the first time in sooo long. Before her, I had lost interest in almost everything. Nothing excites me anymore until she came and brought me back to life after I was merely existing! Really. We both felt the same. I know she genuinely loves me. Long before we declared our love. I once saw her many years ago shed tears because I had to leave after I stayed over at her place for a few days. 8 to 9 months passed since we started our long term relationship. Then, I finished my studies and came back. I went to see her after I arrived and I was excited like never before. Every time we met she'd cry we I had to leave.

 

It was like this for a month or so. Then she went through some problems and her morale was at it's lowest. She then became emotionally unavailable. She barely says anything affectionate and what I say has little effect on her. I know she loves me and that she doesn't think of any other guy. She's been like this for over three months. She spoke of breaking up 2 times saying that she doesn't want to keep torturing me like this. No matter what I say, doesn't help. I told her I love he and I'd rather be with her than anything. She says that she may never recover of what she's going through and doesn't wanna drag me in it more. I wasn't happy with her emotional absence, but I love her too much to leave her or end this. She said the reason is that she's down because of intense problems with her family and that our relationship has no future because her mom and mine are like arch enemies. Today she said that we can't continue and I told her that I'll talk to her at night about it.

 

However, I thought that we spoke too many times about what's going on and nothing changed. So, I thought that one more talk isn't gonna change anything and texted her that we should break up because we I tried to bring her out of this state for too long and it didn't work.

 

It's been four hours since I texted her. It's the hardest thing I ever did because she's the only thing I truly and passionately care about. I don't care if I lost anything except her and I know she loves me deep down. I'm torn what would you do if you were me? sorry for the long post but you know how it is.

[minou]

If someone is in a clinical depression, and it sounds like she is due to the family problems she's having, you can't bring her out of it, as you saw, no matter what you do. It requires clinical professional help. It would be a shame to end a relationship where there is love on both sides due to a clinical depression. When people are depressed, the future looks negative, which may not be true. It's the depression speaking. If you love her, suggest she get treatment. Tell her you'll wait for her to heal. If you can't be around her while she's depressed, just give it a break until she gets better. If she is willing to get professional help, there is hope for her depression. If you are willing to be patient for her healing (meds take about 3 weeks to kick in and can be short-term treatment during crises), there is hope for your relationship. How your mothers feel about each other should not impact your relationship if you are adults.

[ZizousamA]

I know this. Only if she would listen. I had to yield to her wish that I tried so many times to change. I for so many times suggested that seeks professional help. What more could I say. I spoke to her with every reason and logic I could think of. I'm so lost. I don't want to push her but it seems that I must for her sake.