I'm gay, What now? (The Infamous Question)

[nltsyc]

So I came out to myself and several of my friends and have been wondering for a few weeks.....what now? I want to get involved with new people, makes some gay friends, get involved a little more, but I don't know where to start. I am not really looking to jump into any commited relationship right now because I am working on some other issues in my life that I know will not allow me to be a good partner.

 

I have been really stressing out because I am not that attractive. I consider myself to be slightly handsome, but I am overweight. I have started working out, but I feel that I won't be able to compete with all the really attractive men out there.

 

So are there any suggestion out there about networking, meeting new people, making gay friends, and is there any hope for a mere mortal who cannot stands before the body of gods?

[Russ]

is there any hope for a mere mortal who cannot stands before the body of gods?

 

Getting that lame-ass attitude out of here, for one thing

 

Come on - even if you're not attractive, all it's going to take is WORK.

 

And the kind of skills you gain from changing your body [determination, perseverance and pure willpower] are lifelong.

 

I've recently been in contact with a female lifter. She's gone from this:

 

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To this.

 

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So.. hard work. Is where it's at.

 

I know personally what it's like to try dating without feeling your 100% physical best [and although I'm not into dudes, I know some of us are pretty physically critical], and if it's a big barrier for you, you won't overcome it until you chance your health and fitness lifestyle.

 

Might as well get to it.

[nltsyc]

So.. hard work. Is where it's at.

 

I know personally what it's like to try dating without feeling your 100% physical best [and although I'm not into dudes, I know some of us are pretty physically critical], and if it's a big barrier for you, you won't overcome it until you chance your health and fitness lifestyle.

 

Might as well get to it.

 

Well, at least I am not afraid of hard work. Changing my attitude/mindset has always been the hardest things for me. It is true I am my own worst enemy. But it is really hard to stay positive about it when so many people make it look so effortless. I am not saying in any shape, way, or form that it is effortless, but some people are born more attractive or are able to get in shape more easily than others and it gets me down sometimes.

 

But definitely have started getting in shape and don't intend to give up.

[Russ]

Well, at least I am not afraid of hard work. Changing my attitude/mindset has always been the hardest things for me. It is true I am my own worst enemy. But it is really hard to stay positive about it when so many people make it look so effortless. I am not saying in any shape, way, or form that it is effortless, but some people are born more attractive or are able to get in shape more easily than others and it gets me down sometimes.

 

But definitely have started getting in shape and don't intend to give up.

 

Think of how much better it's going to feel when you did all that hard work for it

 

You can even shove it in "naturally beautiful" people's faces!

[lukeb]

If you want to get into shape, work out and all that good stuff that is great but you have to do it for the right reasons.

 

If you think that the only way to ever find a boyfriend is to have a body like a god is probably not where it is at. Chances of meeting someone substantial I would say has a lot more to do with just being yourself and not living up to some superficial ideal.

[nltsyc]

If you want to get into shape, work out and all that good stuff that is great but you have to do it for the right reasons.

 

If you think that the only way to ever find a boyfriend is to have a body like a god is probably not where it is at. Chances of meeting someone substantial I would say has a lot more to do with just being yourself and not living up to some superficial ideal.

 

I think I might have overexagerated my point. I do not think the only way to find a boyfriend is to have a great body. I guess i was trying to show that there has to be at least some initial physical attraction to begin with.

 

So does anyone have any suggestions about making some gay friends, networking, and getting more involved in general. I don't really know how to meet people and am kinda bad at networking. Don't even really know where to start. The club/bar scene is nice now and then but not all the time.

[True2Form]

nltsyc, I was sorta in your position. I lost about 30 pounds in a year, and I am now trying to tone up my body. Although people have pointed out that I have lost weight and they say that I look good, I still feel like I have work to do in regard to muscle tone. The point of that is, it is easy not to feel like you are good enough or look cute enough. When you say you are working on yourself, I hope that you are also working on underlying self-esteem and loving yourself appropriately. These are things that I am working on in addition to my body.

 

Also, I agree that dating is a big competition. But my question for you is this: who are you competing for? For me, part of what I was doing by working out and eating more healthily was to try to attract the physical type that I was attracted to. Essentially, I was trying to be the boyfriend that I wanted. There is nothing wrong with that, but, as lukeb suggested (and as you agreed), there should be some other motivation besides trying to get a man. Otherwise, you won't even keep with it if the motivation is completely external. Also, you might want to also consider dating guys who are in a similar boat in regard to weight and looks. Funny enough, those "gods" are not the only ones who are struck by looks.

 

Now, in regard to meeting guys, I recommend link removed. Unless you are living in a pretty remote area, you are bound to find a group on there that you are interested in. Also, there are probably a number of organizations and activity groups in your community depending on your interests. For example, if you enjoy singing, you might consider auditioning for a local community men's chorus, which will be either a gay chorus and a chorus with a lot of gay men in it. You might join a volunteer organization or political group with like-minded individuals. Finally, you might try some good ole gay chat rooms, personals, and discussion boards online.

[True2Form]

I've recently been in contact with a female lifter. She's gone from this:

 

image removed

 

To this.

 

image removed

 

Russ, how long did it take for her to gain those results? Impressive.

[nltsyc]

I am really trying to work on some underlying issues that I know will keep me from being the best person I can in a reltionship. Self-esteem/self-confidence are a really big part of that. I have actually started counciling because some of these issues have so greatly affected my life.

 

My motivation is definitely a combination of just wanting to be healthy and to impress others. I won't lie; it would be really nice to hear someone say Wow you re looking good these days! having said that I am really trying to work on not assesing/judging myself based on what others say about/or judge about me.

 

Unfortunatley I do live in a semi-rural area so it is a little difficult to meet people unless I want to go to bars. I don't have the time to go to any organizations at my college because I commute. Which is a seriou sbummer.

 

Thank for the link removed. I am going to see if I might be able to find anything.

[Russ]

Russ, how long did it take for her to gain those results? Impressive.

 

About 2 years of hard work.