i just want to find love. kinda wrote a lot. oops.

[useyourki]

i've never been in a serious relationship in my life. i'm 28. pretty lame huh, i know. i came close a while back, but i had doubts about her, and we both were left with broken hearts. i feel like such a screw up sometimes...i think the problem is, i'm too much of a nice guy, and don't put enough effort into dating people. ok, another problem is i'm picky when it comes to looks...well, not crazy shallow, but i have to feel attracted to someone to date them...unfortunately that's not the case on these dating sites, and i don't like wasting my time and leading someone on. i'm not talking drop dead gorgeous.. just cute. i know i'm missing out on a lot of great girls, but no feelings will develop if i'm not attracted to them physically at some level.

 

ok, another problem is with this last girl, i had trouble getting over her past relationships. it never was a problem when we first started dating, but when feelings developed it really bothered me...it was torture, because i have a pretty good imagination, and i just made her feel like crap, and i felt bad for questioning her... she ended up seeing someone behind my back at the end, and i don't blame her. But i hated her for doing that and not ending it properly. believe me, i struggled, even looking for answers on these forums on "how to get over her past" but by the time i had learned to be ok with it, she drops that bomb on me. I find out she's got some dude at her apartment. it tore me up, after doing all that soul searching trying to make things better.

 

It was a very difficult time for both of us. it's been 2 months since it happened, and we're trying to fix our friendship now, but it's not easy seeing her after what she did. oh, and she was friends with her exes...that was a trust issue i had with her...i couldn't stand it, but she made no effort to try work it out with me. i guess me having no experience and having ex partners, i just couldn't relate. i just felt it was disrespectful to what we had going on, call me old school.

 

i'm actually a really nice guy, been told i'm good looking, intelligent, i have a good job, and i'm really funny (except when i'm writing this stuff. lol) i just fear that i'm getting too old and i'll never find love. i'm ready to meet someone. seeing her today really brought back a lot of old feelings, and makes me wonder if i'll ever find love again... she won't take me back, and i couldn't ask that now, but i have to remind myself it didn't work for a reason.

 

like i said i've never been in a serious relationship...with committment. i know this last experience taught me a lot but i seriously need to do something about my mindset or changing some bad habits so i can meet someone. i've been without love too long in my life...and it makes me sad.

[Salicia]

Useyourki, at least you know what you want and how you need to go about things in order to get the things that you want in finding love. I commend you for that. Some people don't even get that far. You also know what you are looking for which is another thing that some people haven't done. Hey, you're 28, I wouldn't be really worry too much about finding love at this point if I were you, especially if you know what you want to find. I feel that when it comes to love, it will ultimately find you when you least expect it so if you know what you are looking for, you can also recognize it when it does show itself. I wish you all the best with your quest in finding love!

[Shallow]

I can relate to a lot of this, and believe me, it's much more difficult at my age than yours. That's the good news. At 28, you still have access to the pick of the litter, so you aren't too old at all. In fact, it sounds like you're about where you should be, which is past the hard-partying days and into your settling down phase.

 

You say you're too nice and don't put enough effort into dating people. That screams to me "passive". Most women don't like passive. I know this because I'm the same way. You're going to have to be more aggressive, and find some way to psych yourself up when situations arise. It's difficult when you've taken the p*ss so much in your life, but if you're not more aggressive, the same thing will continue to happen.

 

As far as being picky is concerned, everyone is picky. We like what we like. I'm not saying you have to "settle" or anything, but maybe be a bit more open about who you date. Someone who you find only borderline attractive at first can really grow on you once you get to know them and are around them more. I didn't realize this until much later, and now this actually works to my disadvantage since most of these women are married.

[useyourki]

thanks for your replies. you're right, i shouldn't be so passive and not afraid to take chances. obviously what i'm doing isn't working so I need to change things. my inexperience is what screwed up my last relationship, but going through such a difficult breakup forced me to reflect on myself, and my past actions, and i'm hoping that now i'm more prepared when the next girl comes along. (notice i said "when" not "if" ...staying positive! lol)

 

i have my up days and my down days, but i'm trying my best. and thank you Salicia, I appreciate that. I certainly hope I can find love someday with the right person.