How to move on in life after all this...? :'(

[Aphorodite86]

Like most people's it would be a very very long story if i explained it all,

and so i will instead keep it as short as possible to not bore everyone,

although it will still be quite long sorry.

 

 

Im now in my 20s, and since i started dating girls at 14/15 ive never ever dumped a girl before.

Ive never ever cheated, lied to, been to busy to meetup with or talk to, been nasty to, made feel worried that id ever do anything bad to her, led on, given unclear answers to, or done anything at all that would hurt a girl emotionally in any way.

 

And yet every single gf that i ever had did minimum 2, and often many more in combination of the following-

Led me on, lied to me about multiple big things, cheated on me, stole money from me, found another guy n then dumped me, stood me up, did things that they knew would hurt me emotionally but did it anyways.

 

(And this was about 60-80girls, of all different types and personalities, over all those years. Yet every single 1 of them turned out to be exactly the same in the end).

 

 

 

In my mind i know that with every single relationship there are only 3 conclusions of what will have to happen-

 

1. Either the boy will dump the girl.

2. The girl will dump the boy.

3. Neither will dump the other and so they will get married and stay together for the rest of their lives.

 

 

And as i refuse to dump girls ever as i cannot plus have no interest in hurting any girl who i care for,

i know that every single girlfriend the only 2 outcomes are going to be that she will dump me and break my heart and hurt me,

or she is the girl who i will get married to and spend the rest of my life with.

 

 

So everytime i meet a girl who i like even before we start dating i know that unless im going to spend the rest of my life with this girl,

then me starting this relationship with her is simply going to hurt and crush me emotionally,

and the longer i am with her for the more it will hurt and destroy my life when she leaves me.

 

 

 

I had got engaged about 2 n half years ago to a girl who i really really loved (i very rarely use that word).

 

And so when she left me it completely and totally crushed me emotionally and pyschologically.

 

I spent 1year chasing after her everyday trying to get back, and then just trying to keep false hope in my mind that i would have her in the future if i just waited quietly for her now.

 

 

After abit over 1year i finally managed to get desires and focus on her out of my mind completely,

accepted to myself that i needed to accept the reality of how girls and relationships are and always would be for me,

and so just accept that for my life i will always be a single guy who spends my days and evenings trying to meetup with as many different girls as possible for as much sexual fun as possible till i was an old old man in my 60s-70s.

(But refuse to offer any girl any sort of commitment of affectionate emotional stuff, as there was no point starting something when i knew that itd end with me getting hurt so much)

 

 

 

And for the 1year i did just that.

 

Went out clubbing with my friends every weekend that i could get them to come out with me (they all quite boring now),

metup with as many nice girls off the internet as i could for nice fun days,

and spent all the time that i didn't with any girls, online trying to find some girls to meetup with

(Was spending about 1-3hours per day on dating sites/facebook ect).

 

 

It was very lonely in someways, as i had no girlfriend to send sweet affectionate texts to each day, to spend time with during the week, and to make plans with for the future,

but at the same time i knew that i was totally safe atleast from being hurt and heartbroken by having to get close to a girl to then just lose her,

as i had no emotional attachments to have lost.

 

And when step back and looked at,

all those sweet texts and time spend together would be nothing more than more and more increasing number of knives being sharpend and stored up all waiting to stab me,

as the longer the relationship had lasted, the more it would hurt me and more deeply it would hurt me when she left me.

 

 

 

However in late January this year it all changed.

 

As i got back in contact on facebook with a girl who id metup with a few months before id even met my ex-fiance,

had never really known her much as had just metup 1x for fun.

 

But she seemed nice, and was extremely pretty, and so we decided to meetup again.

(Had initally meant to have just been for an afternoon of fun)

 

 

She came to my flat and we had fun that afternoon,

but we also felt very close and happy being together, and so she stayed over that night, and the next night, and for 2more days n nights after that.

 

We texted quite abit over the next few days after she had gone, both had reallyed enjoyed it but were both cautious about having relationships.

(Me for my reasons, her because she just didn't genuinely want to stop being single n having lots of boys yet although she didn't realise that)

 

 

So we arranged to meetup again for the valenties day weekend, and she came and spent 4days here.

And i officially asked her out that time, n she said yes.

 

And she then came back one final time a few days after that for a few days.

 

 

 

 

However from then till now (so for the last 1 n half months), every single week and weekend she madeup excuses why she couldn't come and see me.

 

Some were more hard to believe than others (like she had broken her arm, which then healed in 3days cos of an operation),

but all of them were just excuses,

as she was free everyday as shes currently unemployed,

yet avoided coming to see me even 1x in 6weeks.

 

 

We still texted lots everyday, chatted on facebook abit (altho she refused to let me write on her wall ever), but got very close through texting throughout the days, and making plans for the time we would meetup the next week.

(Although every single time that meetup day came she cancelled for various reasons)

 

I found this extremely odd and weird, as every other time a girl hadn't wanted me she just dumped me.

But never had or even heard of a girl ''Not wanting to see a guy, but saying to him she does and spending lots of her time everday txting him and being just like normal gf to him, and arranging to meet him just to cancel everytime with excuses, but keep on wanting to be with him''.

 

 

I even asked her quite a few times that if she just didn't want me anymore to please just tell me,

and so she could just breakup with me then, and i wouldn't be nasty or say anything bad to her at all.

 

But everytime she sayed that she did want me, it was just her life was busy and have problems that week, but that she did want to be with me and tht she wouldn't be with me if she didn't want me.

 

 

 

However lastnight (when we were meant to have been meeting up today), when i texted her asking what time would she come here for she just texted me saying ''Its over am sorry''.

When i asked the reasons why she was breaking up with me n why she had kept telling me that she wanted me for so long when she hadn't really she just said ''I dont want to talk about it''.

 

And that was it, no more reply when i txtd back 2x asking for explantation atleast to what id done wrong.

 

 

2days before id seen her write on some guys fb wall ''Sorry i fell asleep lastnight while txting u babe, i cant wait for our cuddles on wednesday huni. xxxxxxxx''.

But when i got angry and asked her about it she had just sayed ''Ive known him 10years, and thats just how i talk to my mates. if you got a problem with it then tuff''.

 

(However a few weeks before she had cancelled seeing me 1 friday night, so i invited a few friends who are girls over and was honest about it. She got very angry tho n sayed that if they came she wouldnt come if she could do later. So i univited the girls. But that night she ignored all my texts till 2am, and the pretended she had just finished some work trial. Although i foundout she had really just gone clubbing that night instead).

 

 

But when i googled the guys name a few hours ago today and looked at a profile of his on different website i saw comments made by her 7days ago saying ''Hi thanks for comment on my photo, you look fit and yh we do live nearby. maybe we should meetup? xxxxxxxxxxx''

 

 

This helped me get over feeling so sad about losing her,

as i was really really missing her alot yesterday n like crying and just feeling so sad cos i had really liked her,

but now i saw that she hadn't every really liked me as much as she said as she had been cheating on me with other guys.

 

 

 

However the problem i have now is how and where do i go now from here??

As ive wasted 10years of my life getting used, cheated on, hurt by, and lie to by every girlfriend that ive ever had,

and am now right back to square 1.

 

 

*I can't trust any girls at all in anyways.

 

*Can't start up any relationship, as until i managed to marry the girl id be constantly panicking and feeling absolutely terrified inside that she would leave me (i don't show this much tho as i know it would put girl off me),

 

*But after experiencing being in a gf/bf relationship again (after over 2years without it) i really really liked it and so have a strong desire to be in a relationship with a girl, instead of having to try finding dozens of new girls every month, month after month, and trying to get them to meetup with me.

 

As the searching process is just so soo dull and boring and repetetive after so many years of having done it day in day out.

 

 

 

Please don't say empty hollow cliche things like ''i should focus on myself and my own life, stop searching for girl and she will come''.

 

As that is just a complete and total load of cliche nonsense that doesn't actually mean anything at all in the real day-day life and world,

as 'my life' revolves around desire for girls as thats my main passion in life.

 

 

 

But does anyone has any tips or help and advice for me please??

 

Thankyou, and sorry that it endedup being such a long read.

[atelis]

Please don't say empty hollow cliche things like ''i should focus on myself and my own life, stop searching for girl and she will come''.

 

As that is just a complete and total load of cliche nonsense that doesn't actually mean anything at all in the real day-day life and world,

as 'my life' revolves around desire for girls as thats my main passion in life.

 

 

 

But does anyone has any tips or help and advice for me please??

 

Thankyou, and sorry that it endedup being such a long read.

 

you have an extreme case of abandonment and codependency. Sorry if you don't want to hear it, but i really don't think anyone else can help you unless you are prepared to admit to those issues first.

[Aphorodite86]

you have an extreme case of abandonment and codependency. Sorry if you don't want to hear it, but i really don't think anyone else can help you unless you are prepared to admit to those issues first.

 

 

Hi and thanks for your polite reply.

 

But yea i know that i suffer from a few pyschological disorders.

(I know i suffer from mild paranoid personality disorder, mild borderline personality disorder, and used to suffer from quite bad body dysmorphic disorder although that 1 is now gone due to a cosmetic surgery operation i had last year).

 

I didn't know that the 2 you mentioned were actual recognised pyschological disorders though which can be treated??

[atelis]

have you tried therapy at all?

[Aphorodite86]

have you tried therapy at all?

 

 

I did for a few weeks about 4years ago (but that was just on NHS for my body dysmoprhic disorder).

 

 

Now though i very much doubt that even if i did have some form of therapy that it could give any real help to me.

 

 

As while i do understand and accept that the reason why i get hurt so much is because i choose to not do certain things which i could do without being 'nasty',

the main reason why sadness keeps happening to me is because every girl now seems to be a total sicko, and does sick disgusting creepy things.

(However these are now just considered normal, and so the person doing them isn't considered a sicko)

 

 

I know that may sound like an over-reaction or too strong words.

 

But i very strongly feel that people (men and women) who do things like lie to someone about big things knowing that the lie is going to hurt the other person, cheat on their partner, lead other people on knowing that they will let them down n that it will hurt the other person but still choosing to do it and so must be getting some sort of pleasure out of it,

anyone person who does any of those things is actually a sicko who may do it due to pyschological problems or may just be cruel n sick inside,

but whichever reason causes them to be like that,

they should be locked away and not be allowed to live freely in society until it is cured.

 

 

It may sound very harsh n extreme to some people, but thats just my personal view, and i think its very logical and normal.

[thewhitewhale]

If you're a nice guy, this is bound to happen to you dude. Obviously I don't know the whole situation, but she had to have had some sort of "thing" with this guy prior to you guys seeing each other. She may have recently broken up with this guy and she still had feelings for him and you were the rebound. I'm not trying to me mean I've just been there. She might have stopped talking to him for a while while you guys had a good thing going then bam, he starts talking to her again and all that garbage happens to you. That's honestly my only explanation for her so suddenly cutting things off with you. As for what to do, you need to use all of these bad experiences you've had as tools to benefit yourself. You can obviously get dates with girls and you've been engaged so you have the first step. Once you start talking to her, play things cool for a while. When you get that number, wait 3 or 4 days before you call/text. NEVER do the night of or the day after that just screams desperation. Wait for her to ask you if you'd want to do something. Let her start the conversations. You need to make it seem like you're fine either way. It's not being a jerk to the girl at all and anything else just makes you come accross as desperate and needy, man. I know you're the nice guy and I'm a nice guy too but as long as you realize why all your relationships are going south and learn from it, it will help. I've been screwed over a lot too so I know how bad it is, but I'm slowly learning things that will benefit me.