Where to start?

[somename]

Let me try to gather my thoughts now. Feelings can sometimes be complicated when they are conflicting. I don't quite know where to start, but I guess I can start with how im feeling right now -- trapped. Trapped in the sense that I love her deeply, and every feeling I have tells me that breaking up with her will make me feel like someone I love died, but my common sense tells me that we can not go on. I have had this feeling for some time, but always shook it off me, telling myself that it'll be alright, we'll manage, we're not THAT different. But the thing is, im from Scandinavia, she's from behind the ol' curtain. Now the cultural differences are not a problem, but she doesn't speak my language, which she of course can learn... but she does not see a reason to learn it, which is kind of a big deal if she wants to get to know my family and were going to have relations with my family in the future (I will of course learn hers also). So apparently its not that important to get to know my family. And its not only that, she's got immense problems letting me go to events I want to, like spending time with friends (am I not enough?), going to parties (getting home at 1 is too late!), or disliking all the people I consider friends (thats not a good friend, those people are not very nice when they dont behave like this or that). Its not like I am doing any of these things excessively, like 2 or 3 times a month. I should probably add that were living together in my homecountry, and she still haven't managed to form a relationship with anyone so she's completely alone... I have for a long time suspected that she could be helped a lot by a psychiatrist and a lot of her traits probably fits in a psychology schoolbook about people not being loved enough in childhood. And indeed she wasn't. And, is my impression, was also very lonely, abandoned and depressed and full of despair (and inches from suicide) as a teenager. But she's got her feelings neatly packed and organized in her mind now, and I don't think she dare unpack whats hidden there, and even if she does I don't think it will change much. A last thing: we will have to move to a third country if we decide to start a family because of our career choices. All in all this means that I will most likely leave behind a huge amount of people who I love and care for, which would be OK, if it wasnt for the fact that she probably would not would be interested in getting more involved with my family (I think this is a very important thing if we had kids), by learning the language, visiting them on a regular basis. Or even in the third country we would probably not get to form many, if any at all, new relationships with new friends, as she is quite 'selective' in who she likes and dislikes.

 

Its not supposed to be all about her, I have lots of shortcomings I am aware of, and which she really dislikes and traits I dont posses, but she values. One thing though, if there were nothing around us we would probably be the happiest couple. But you can ask 'who cares, as long as you love each other'. And you would be right, which leads me to the question: Would it be better for each of us in the long run if we ended it? Except I think I am the first one who have really loved her, and breaking up would probably destroy her.

 

Hope I don't sound crazy. Just a side note, were the same age roughly 27 both of us, and been together for two of those.

[somename]

Bumpetibump!

[Cuppedia]

There might be many reasons why you think you should stay with her but if you are not comfortable and finally decide to pay attention to those red flags then you are going to have to do something about it.

 

In my opinion she's not interested in making an effort, she wants you to be in a state similar to hers so you won't go anywhere but I suspect she wouldn't do the same for you. I have the feeling she's after the good things only, not willing to do sacrifices, so as soon as things were to get complicated on your side she wouldn't be as supportive as you have been to her.

 

That you would be perfectly happy together if you didn't have any other "options" might not be a good sign of what you are sharing. You're supposed to be choosing the best girl in the world, not the only one around and certainly not a relationship "based" on being the single thing the other has.

 

I'm sure the relationship was good and still has nice things but sometimes we really try too hard to justify our actions and try to keep having faith in something that may not be there anymore.

Beautiful things don't remain the same and it's not a bad thing, we have to learn how to accept that.