Difficult situation

[dynamite]

Well, I'm new here and I need a little advice.

 

I met a great girl at uni, after 6mths when it was time for me to go back home we still went out and saw each other on wkds. After 2 years or so I went travelling for a year around the world, we obviously split up.

 

When I came back, we ended up seeing each other as she'd moved much closer to me 'cause of jobs and we ended up sleeping together for the past year but without being bf/gf even though it felt like we were most times, I told her I didn't want us to get back together for whatever reason we only discussed it once and she accepted it.

 

Now she's started going out with someone else for 2 months, and she seems really smitten with him but I can't stand the thought of her with someone else and it doesn't help that I know when they're seeing each other 'cause we still speak to each other once a week.

 

I know I've put myself in this situation because we never properly went out last year and she's told me this. I've realised way too late that I love her. I need some advice as to what the best approach is to the situation. Should I have no contact with her for a month or so or try my best to stay friends with her in the hope she'll fall back in love with me?

[Beec]

Tough spot. If you go out and just chase her, then you might chase her away. If she is really smitten with him, then you will have a tough time getting her away from him. If you just keep talking to her, she might put you in the friends category, i.e. not a guy she will want for sex or love. So my answer is that you need to try some separation from her, less, little or no contact.

 

Before you do, ask yourself a question and answer it honestly: why do you wnat her in this way now?? If it is onyl because you don't have her, then think about it.

 

How would I pull back? I'd would tell her:

 

I know I did it to myself, I know I kept things loose and free, and I know I gave you free reign to do what you want to do. Right now, you are smitten with him, and you do not want me. I have only myself to blame. But I realize that I do want you, I want all of you for all the right reasons, and it hurts me to know I cannot or don't have you and someone else does. So, I would like to lessen the amount of contact we have. If this other thing ends, and you think you want something with me, then let me know.

 

That's along the lines of what I would say.

[TrueHeart]

Beec has an excellent suggestion....

 

Truly falls in-line with the old addage, 'You don't know what you have, until you don't have it anymore.'---

 

 

Just give her time too, in time, she may or may not realize that HE is just not YOU... but leave all possibilities open, and you will not be disappointed...

[dynamite]

Thanks for the suggestions.

 

To a certain degree I think she wants to put me in the friends catergory but when we see each other there's still something there.

 

So far I've kept contact once a week but I think I'm gonna ask for a little space and maybe contact her in a month or so I'm just worried in that time she'll fall more for him and less for me, I guess I have to take that risk.

[TrueHeart]

You've got the right idea!! Absense makes the heart grow fonder!!!

 

\ You'll be happy with the results, either way!!