Time To Call It Quits?

[KeepMe]

I'll be as brief as I possibly can.

 

Long story short there is a super lazy girl that my boyfriend works with, and we will call her "R". Having worked with my boyfriend at the same place in the past before I was let go, I knew "R", and I always tried to befriend "R." "R" had some problems with her ex boyfriend, and I seen her crying quite a bit', so I tried to be nice and comfort her. "R" and I were never friends, and I was fine with that. I had a feeling "R" always liked my boyfriend, and I even told my boyfriend that early on.

I do not in anyway mean this conceitedly, I'm far from it ... but I was the most attractive girl working there at the time. After leaving, the ball was in "R's" court in her perspective. "R" was surrounded by a lot of guys including my boyfriend, so she started feeling good. "R" started calling my boyfriend a lot, supposedly to get him to work for her. One time in the car I needed to use my boyfriends phone to call my mother and I didn't realize it wasn't my phone. My natural instincts on my phone is to push send and scroll to find my moms name, remembering it was his phone I realized these weird numbers were not my calls. I noticed "R" had called my boyfriend 8 times that day. I said "Geez! Why does "R" call you so much?" he said "I don't know, she probably wanted me to work for her." My boyfriend claims that everyone hates "R", nobody likes her, no one can stand her, including him. However, when I'm around he fails to show his disliking attitude. He is always polite to her, and even jokes with her, which makes her think that he likes her. But I took this as him being kind, and civil, so I accepted it.

 

After being let go from work "R" started telling my boyfriends friend that my boyfriend and I were not good for each other, and that we made a bad couple cause' we are two different kinds of people. This upset me because I knew she liked him, and now that I'm gone, she wanted to make it clear. I ended up seeing a text from "R" that said "Will I see you at 10 today?" And my boyfriend replied "Yeah." Obviously she was referring to seeing him at work at 10 am. Really bothered by this, I still let it go, because I trust him.

 

Yesterday I had been sick the night before yesterday and I didn't get good sleep at all. I finally got to sleep around 5 o'clock just to be awoken again by my boyfriends phone. I asked who it was and he told me that it was "R", I asked what she needed and he said "I don't know" and put his phone on ignore. He won't let me answer it, and he won't answer it himself. Needless to say I was furious, and upset. I tried to go back to sleep but I was just awake, so I got up. Finally I came back to bed and asks "Are you still mad at me?" I said "Yeah" and he replied "It wasn't my fault, I didn't make her call me." And I said "Yeah, but you won't put a stop to it either." And he said "Well what do you want me to do! Tell her to quit calling me?" He said that as if it were the most stupid thing I had ever said in my entire life. I yelled "WELL YES!" he claims he can't do that since it regards work, although everyone who works there is responsible to cover their own shift. An employee does not have to take a shift, and another employee may not harass them and call seven or eight times. We began to be mad at each other all morning, and I told him before work I said "You need to tell her to quit calling or I will, and it won't be nice." Well he claims that at work he said "I won't be taking your morning calls." * * * how does that solve anything?

 

So he came home and he tried getting my own father involved with this, and that made me irate. It's between us only, not my parents. I called my mother and told her what was going on and she said to nip it in the bud quickly, that he was being unacceptable. While on the phone he came in and demanded we talk, I said I was on the phone. He gave me the ultimatum and said "We need to talk now, or I really am leaving right now!" So I got off and he started out with "THIS JEALOUSY IS GOING TO STOP AND I MEAN NOW! I'M PUTTING MY FOOT DOWN, AND THIS IS HOW IT'S GOING TO BE" He started sounding like my father, and put it in the words of how he is only living with me because he cares about me, and that he has to work. He has to make money, and so do I. I'm actually in school right now, so I'm not working as of yet. After being let go I decided to take sometime and go to school. He said I needed to go to school and focus so that I could make a job, if hes going to put effort into it then I need to too. He said that he was also a fresh young block that is still experiencing and living life, and that he was just fine when he was single before me. He almost made it sound like I was a burden to him and that he was better off single, he was just with me to support me because I "needed" him. Which he doesn't support me, he lives with me doesn't pay rent, doesn't pay anything, and I never ask for money, I receive money from my father solely.

 

He thinks that I'm insecure, and jealous of "R" but I'm not. I just don't understand why he hates her, but yet when she calls at my house and interrupts me, he won't put a stop to it? He says I have to "Trust" him and I do. Which he was totally hypocritical as we were driving the other day. I told him to get into the other lane and that I could see around the car behind us and he was clear. He didn't trust me enough to take my word and move over, he said that he couldn't see so he wasn't taking me word, and that he wasn't getting over until he knew for sure. I know that's a stupid comparison, but it's still trust and if he couldn't trust me enough with his car, how does he trust me with his heart?

Yet, I'm a bad person because I don't trust him? When I never said I didn't? I even told him I didn't think he was doing anything, he is just making it all seem really fishy. The texts, the calls, the niceness.

 

He sounded completely like my dad, extremely controlling, saying he had to stand up for himself, and this and that. That this is how it's going to be from now on, and everything he said dodged every factor of her calling him, none of it had a point. My boyfriend can never be wrong, ever! It's always my fault, yet he claims that I wait until I've had enough when I blow up on him. Which that's what he just did to me yesterday, he brought up incidents I didn't even know about. I told him five times we should break up during the conversation but he dodged those too. When talking to my dad he made it sound like he couldn't move back with his parents, that he had to live with me or get an apartment (he can't afford) yet he talked all macho to me like this is how it has to be, and if I don't change he's walking type of thing.

 

What do you guys think?

 

We will have been dating a year this June, and he moved in with me 4 months after dating.

[HeartGoesOn]

He has it made by living with you free of charge, playing around with this co-worker, while feeding you a load of BS.

 

Kick him to the curb, you derserve much better...

[Sanesoul]

If he was better off single, then let him be single. Kick his arse out and move on.

[KeepMe]

Thanks guys,

I know this situation is idiot proof, and it's a slap in the face for me, and I should get rid of him, it just upsets me. I called him back and yelled like I never yelled before, my mother told me not to back down and I didn't. He tried to cut me off a few times and I told him he had better shush and that as long as he is living with me (not that I'm holding it as a leverage against him) I just refuse to not be treated like that in my own home, my own comfort zone.

I made it clear that I, too, was happy when I was single. I told him I wanted to be with him, but only if he stopped the calls, and that he would not control me. When we started dating we met at work, and he really took me by surprise, he didn't seem like this type at all ...

 

I wish more than anything that he would be more considerate of me, he does a lot for me, but sometimes he doesn't just go the extra step to be kind. I wish he would offer, though I'd hardly ever take his offers but just the point that he offered to do something kindly makes me feel good.

 

For Christmas he bought me a $150.00 Chow Chow puppy, I was so pleased. But he kept saying "Now this is your Christmas present, is this what you really want for Christmas? Cause' this is all." I said "Yes." But I got my Chow Baby a couple months before Christmas, and he doesn't buy anything else. I went out and bought him several things for Christmas, not that it matters to me, I just thought "Wow ... kind of cheap." But I didn't care, never brought it up, I was happy with my puppy.

 

My dad pays the bills, and he asked my boyfriend what our plans were since he is in bad health that if he died what would happen to us? Who would take care of me, and if we had plans together. My boyfriend "Well she will move with her mom, and I'll move with my parents." Well ... my mother is actually homeless, so I would have absolutely nowhere to go, yet he would move in with his parents, and basically leave me homeless. My dad was extremely bothered by this, and so was I being that he is living with me and my family is providing a roof over his head free of charge. He does a lot of good things for me, he is a gentleman most of the time, he just doesn't go the "extra mile" and wonders why I don't put fourth my effort?

 

I've been sick lately, and I had to go to the emergency room. I would be up all night vomiting from 10 that night, til' 9 the next morning. I was absolutely miserable, and I would have to get up and get everything myself. When I was in the most pain ever, he actually grabbed his blanket and pillow and moved to the living room couch so I wouldn't wake him up with my vomiting, and crying. Then decided a little later that he would come in and lay next to me and go to sleep forcing me to move to another room.

When yesterday I was mad about him with "R" he was sick, and complained I never took care of him. He takes care of me but he acts a though I'm a bothersome. If I ask him to get the trash can he sighs and acts like it's the end of the world. Still, he is gentleman and nice to me, and does a lot for me, pays for us to do stuff like movies, visiting my mother, and sometimes food and stuff, and that's usually it. Just his kindness doesn't go very far, he doesn't try to be out of his way kind like I try to be ... though I quit due to him not being that kind himself.