shygirl711 Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 Hi fellow enotaloners, if anyone isnt too busy can someone pls give me some insight into my situation? Ok so short story been with my bf for nearly 5 yrs, no big probs, been steady in love for the whole time. then he breaks it off. says he needs to be on his own while he finds a job, gets a place of his own and basically find his feet. he said he loves me so much and does not want anyone else (relationship wise) but needs to be selfish and deal with his baggage alone. At the beginning of the breakup, my ex knew how hurt i was and said maybe we shouldnt talk for a while until things settles down. he felt so sorry he hurt me but said he wasnt sorry we broke up coz he needs to do this for himself. that was a month and a half ago. then last fri i msged him just asking how he was (light contact) but he didnt reply. then i msged him again on saturday following up on it and saying i thought we could just talk as friends but stil no reply. then this morning i got a reply just saying his ok and asking how i was. but that was it! and his msg was so cold. like he never really wanted to ask how i was. that he only replied just to be polite. its been 2 and a half months in total since the break up. I thought if he wants space and thers no one else in the picture then i will respect his wishes as he made it clear i was the only woman in his life but the way he is being irrational makes me think he has gotten over me already? What do you guys think? Pls be blunt, maybe i need to snap out of this in order to move on. Even though in my heart i only want him in my life =( Link to comment
GoneCrazy Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 Well my personal opinion is he was using you, got on his feet and was trying to let you down easily, and try to stay friends and he failed at that he just dropped in said hey to just keep you as a reminder in your mind that hes there and over time he would dissappear over time kinda like old school friends. But i could be wrong, this is just my 2 cents. Link to comment
shygirl711 Posted March 22, 2010 Author Share Posted March 22, 2010 really after 5 years together? i have a thread i posted b4 this which is the whole story of our relationship and our love was so intense i fail to see how this can change over night or to really agree with you. we are both 24 so was not just messing about. we were looking to the future together, getting married, and moving in together... Link to comment
GoneCrazy Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 Well the marriage and moving in could have been going to fast for him also he could have fallen for someone else, also the chances of him just over night falling out of love with you could happen. Link to comment
shygirl711 Posted March 22, 2010 Author Share Posted March 22, 2010 but he was the one who actually initiated all the plans. do you think maybe he could be acting cold just to convince himself he did the right thing? or am i just making excuses :s Link to comment
Smythe Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 Only reading your post here, maybe he is still trying to land on his feet and dealing with his baggage? Him not answering could be that he is having a rough time with it. Does he have any close friends or relatives you can confide in? If he does, maybe you can ask them if he's still struggling? He may need more space? Link to comment
shygirl711 Posted March 22, 2010 Author Share Posted March 22, 2010 Thanks for your reply. Well i understand he may need space but i dont understand y the cold shoulder now. He is a very closed person. ie he does not confide in much people about how he feels. I feel like im living in limbo. Do you think there is shope and a justification for all this? I actually feel like im making excuses for his actions but feeling like maybe his way of dealing with this is to shut me out? Link to comment
Smythe Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 I think there might be a chance of justification. If he is a closed person, then maybe it should be expected the way he is acting now?...at least if he is struggling with his baggage. Maybe one course of action is for you to write him a note or letter to let him know that you are there if he needs you...that you support him and that you are thinking of him. Nothing too long or deep. Just something simple and to the point. Nothing pushy. Link to comment
shygirl711 Posted March 22, 2010 Author Share Posted March 22, 2010 u know i actually did not see it like that. but it makes sense. not that its right, but i never saw it from that point of view. i really need to stop pushing i guess. its just so hard when they say its always been you but completely turns off. i guess people will say i should move on but after 5 yrs i keep thinking thats got to be worth something, esp if he said all those things. and my ex would not lie. Link to comment
iBroken Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 I dont think he is being irrational. He has said that he needs to deal with his baggage on his own. He is doing just that. He also recognized that he hurt you and said maybe we shouldnt talk for a while. While you might have been ready to speak to him after a month and a half, he may have not been ready for it. I think he responded the best way he could in this situation. Respectfully reply as a courtesy and not share or discuss to much as to send out the wrong message. If I were you, I would treat this as a break up and not wait for him anymore. Let him do his own thing and if he comes back, you might find that he wasnt the one for you. Link to comment
shygirl711 Posted March 23, 2010 Author Share Posted March 23, 2010 Sounds so easy to do that when you both love each other and it came out of nowhere. its unfair that people can go through these situations so long down the line. Thanks for all your advise. Nc is so hard as im missing my bestfriend and that person who was always watching out for me. Now it seems like he doesnt care. or maybe he does. Sometimes i think they dont care at all if he cant even text back like the way he used to speak to me but i guess he has to be like this? Link to comment
shessofly Posted March 23, 2010 Share Posted March 23, 2010 at this point, if it were me, i would just wait for him to make contact before we spoke again. seems like he wants to be left alone for the time being. at some point i would think he would be ready/willing to speak to you again. hang in there. Link to comment
shygirl711 Posted March 23, 2010 Author Share Posted March 23, 2010 I know its hard to say, but how long is waiting around? wait until i move on? i feel like if i wait i might get hurt =( Thanks "shessofly", i guess patience is a virtue. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted March 23, 2010 Share Posted March 23, 2010 Sounds so easy to do that when you both love each other and it came out of nowhere. its unfair that people can go through these situations so long down the line. Thanks for all your advise. Nc is so hard as im missing my bestfriend and that person who was always watching out for me. Now it seems like he doesnt care. or maybe he does. Sometimes i think they dont care at all if he cant even text back like the way he used to speak to me but i guess he has to be like this? Hi Sweetheart, I'm so sorry this is happening to you. In this thread, it kinda sounds like you think this is a break. If the original post is correct and it's a break up, then I think you need to treat it as such. How he responds doesn't matter. What really matter is that you are torturing yourself over trying to read the meaning in it. If you keep in touch with him and yet feel this bad about it, maybe you should reconsider initiating contact. The only other thing I wanted to add is that people don't fall out of love overnight. You combine emotionally closed with leaving you, and I would say he'd been harboring these feelings of wanting to leave for a long time but had not fully processed them (or communicated them to you) before the breakup. Link to comment
shygirl711 Posted March 24, 2010 Author Share Posted March 24, 2010 Hi Ms Darcy, thanks for your reply. no after 2 and a half months ive come to realise this is a break up. but in my heart because it came out of nowhere and we both love eachother, inside im holding on. You are right about me reading into all the msgs and signs out there. it is torturous and kills me because i feel after 5 yrs he has all my life has been about. we both finished uni, then i started working, he bought his flat and all ive been working for is our future. we go on holiday every year for the past 5 years and i had no thought as to how he was feeling about us. he then said even maybe after 5 yrs together his not ready. i am picking up the pieces and even though i am doing well with work, i feel like it doesnt mean anything if i cant share it with him. The foundation of our relationship has always been abt love and give & take. we always met eachother in the middle and was eachothers best friends. When i asked him how long he felt like this he said in the last month. how can someone make a decision to leave someone after 5 yrs in a space of a month. i know he still loves me, but maybe im pushing him and his pulling away when all he wants is time to be alone,t ime to be independent and not tied down. i never realised being in a loving relationship could make someone feel like that =( Link to comment
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