He likes me, *and* he likes his ex? Help, please!

[Niinjaa]

I'm 15, and a sophomore in highschool. He's 16 and a sophomore. His ex is 13-14, and a freshman. Sorry, this may be a bit of a long post.

 

I've liked him since the beginning of the school year. He has hurt me before--long story, but it was a major deal. I was over him, but then he apologized (and I could tell he meant it). I was head-over-heels for him. Lately, he'd been really sweet, calling me beautiful and amazing, and he hinted that he liked someone. So, curious, I asked him who. I finally got him to tell me who it was, yesterday--it was me. I was *so* happy! We talked/texted all night, and he was such a sweetheart. However, this morning, he texted me saying "I need to tell you something." I asked him what, and this is exactly what he texted me: I like u and someone else. Now I have to make a desision. I don't want to hurt either of you. So I'm gonna need some time to think. I still rly like u and all. So cld u bere with me through this??

 

He told me that it was his ex. I asked him why they broke up, and he said that it was "immaturity from both ends". I told him I'd wait for him to decide, and be here for him to talk to. So, while we were texting, I mentioned to him that I was upset with myself for thinking that I had finally found that special someone who thought I was special. I told him I just felt stupid. And he's like, "Have you already given up?" And I told him no, I hadn't. I just felt stupid for thinking things would be easy. And he said I wasn't stupid, and I just said "Thanks." And he text me and said that he was going to go for a bit, because he didn't want to fight. Now I'm worried that he's mad at me, and I don't know what to do. I really like this guy--I'm not going to say I'm in love with him, but I think I like him as much as you can like someone you've never dated. I'll be upset if he chooses his ex, but I just want him to be happy. I want to tell him, but I don't want to text him after what he said. Help, please? What do I do? I know I can't make him choose me, but I need help.

[Niinjaa]

I forgot to mention, he told me that his ex still likes him as well. Apparently she liked another guy for awhile, but he didn't feel the same, and now she likes him again.

[HouseKitten]

Wow. This guy is a serious manipulator.

 

So he tells you he likes you. Then he says he likes you, but he still likes his ex. But that's okay, because he's said a lot of stuff about wanting you to be there for him, which of course you want to do because he's worded it in a way that makes it difficult for you to say no without sounding like a b*tch. Then when you express to him that you feel uncomfortable with the whole thing and a little stupid for imagining things would go smoothly, he comes right back asking if you're giving up. Giving up? On what?! On the fact that he 'likes' you and wants you to hang around while he makes his mind up, but won't actually be with you right now? Awesome, what a great deal. But again, the way he's worded it gives you little choice but a positive answer. Then when he senses you're getting upset about the whole thing, he signs off with a cryptic message about going 'for a bit', which is conveniently vague enough that he can leave you to stew for a while in your anguish, then hop back in later, all smiles, to pick up where he left off.

 

He is keeping you on a string in case he doesn't manage to get back with his ex. The chances are, even if they get back together he will keep telling you that he's just going to see how it goes, that he's not sure yet, etc etc. Eventually a day will come when you realise he's not really that unsure since he's still with her, and it'll hurt all the more because of the amount of time you've wasted on him.

 

By all means talk to him if you must, but try and get some distance. He's offered you... pretty much nothing. You need to keep your head and try not to lose yourself in infatuation, because there's a big chance he's going to break your heart without ever actually going out with you or 'doing' anything.

[Niinjaa]

Thanks. He *is* really good at manipulating--I honestly don't know why I like him. All of my friends know he's a jerk, and I do to, but it's just...I don't know.

 

And now he's texted me again.

[HouseKitten]

What's he said now?

[Niinjaa]

This is just so difficult, because I thought I finally had him last night, and now...he does this. And I *do* want to be there for him, but honestly, if he chooses her, then--no matter how hard it's going to be--I'm going to have to let him go. I won't wait until they break up, because I don't want to be his second pick. I mean, I liked him at one point, when he was dating her, and I waited, and nothing happened, except for him hurting me. And I'm worried now that, even if he does choose me, he'll still like her, and I'll never be sure that he completely cares about me.

[Niinjaa]

Oh, he's like "Hey.", then I didn't realize I had a message, so 10 minutes later he's like "Hello?????" So I told him I was busy. And he's just like "K. Idk wat to do", so I told him to choose whoever made him happy, and he's like "But u both make me happy".

[HouseKitten]

So to summarise, your friends think he's a jerk, you're not sure why you like him, you know you'll probably always wonder if he wouldn't rather be with his ex, he's manipulating you to keep you around in case things fall through with his ex...

 

Now tell me why you want to be with him?

[Niinjaa]

I honestly don't know. I guess because, most of the time, he's so sweet, and he makes me feel special, and...I don't know. I wish I did, trust me.

[HouseKitten]

Is he making you feel special right now?

[Niinjaa]

He was, until he brought up his ex. It's just...I honestly don't know. I've tried answering that question, and I can't give a single good, logical reason why I care so much about him. But I know that I do care, a lot.

[Niinjaa]

I just wish he'd mentioned the fact that he still liked his ex last night, instead of bringing it up this morning, after I'd had an entire night to spend thinking that he cared about me exclusively.