Kinda hurt :(

[tacotac]

My boyfriend lives a half hour from me. In the beginning he stated how once in awhile he can come down to visit me like every other week as he wouldn't be able to afford it, driving down to see me that much. I don't make much myself, but I go up to see him once a week at least. He doesn't make an effort to come every other week. I get stuck going there every week, and him once in awhile. He has come down to visit maybe once or twice since the beginning of the year. I've been filling up my tank more often and was going to tell him I couldn't come up as much as it seems I have been making most of the effort. Then recently he has been driving around town everywhere for these things he finds on craigslist for free. He has gas for that. And the other day he said he found on craigslist a horse stable about 15 minutes or so from his house is looking for someone to come twice a week to clean the stables and take care of the horses. He wouldn't get paid for it, but in return he could ride the horses. He is excited about doing this. I got a bit upset because he makes an issue about coming down to see me every once in awhile because he can't afford it, but now he can suddenly afford driving out to this stable 2 times a week, the same distance if it were to come down to my house once a week, which he won't even do less than that. I was a bit hurt. I don't know what to make of this

[addictedblue]

Wow. Half an hour is not far at all. My high school was about half an hour from my house and I drove it every day. Either he's super lazy or doesn't care about you enough as he should. I feel that if he was crazy for you he'd drive the 30 minutes to see you. He is more excited about riding horses so....maybe it's time to have a talk with him.

 

Or you could try telling him you aren't going to be able to drive to his place for a while and see if he makes an effort to come to yours. If he doesn't, then you have your answer.

[catfeeder]

My feelings would be hurt, too. I also would not raise it with him, because his behavior would tell me everything I need to know. He's doing exactly what he wants to do. I would decide whether that's good enough for me.

[Distant]

I would drop him if he does not start to make an effort. My girlfriend lives 50 mins away from my house so if he thinks a half hour is far, could you imagine if he had to drive 50 mins.

[Kumatora]

Wait a minute...

 

If he's that broke, why doesn't he go out and look for a REAL paying job? It's cool if he's doing volunteer work at a horse stable for a past time (I can relate because I volunteered at a wildlife rehab center and got to work with birds of prey and snakes), but if he's always making up excuses of being broke and makes no effort to take care of that situation, I'd find myself another guy. Or ask him to take you riding >

 

Sorry, his priorities are not with you. Let him enjoy his hobbies then.

[tacotac]

Yeah, he says he is frugal and cheap, I know that, but there needs to be a limit. I am tired of this really. He likes to take more than give, and this goes with anyone. He'll do whatever it takes so he spends the less money, and hopes that someone else will end up spending their money on him. If he is generous to anyone, it is usually with things he gets for free, cheap, or his mom gives him to give to others.

 

I had wanted to go to an annual dog show in Chicago, I haven't went in ages, so I was going to put it on our Google calendar to take off that day to go. About a week or 2 later, he tells me about this fishing expo in Madison that his dentist talked about and how he really wanted to go to it. He put it on our Google calendar and it was on the same day as the dog show, but he didn't even say anything or notice. I said to myself that's fine I'll just go to the dog show next year, although it seemed kinda far (2 1/2 hours to go to a fishing expo) but I didn't mind, he really wanted to go, and I like fishing. Well the time came near and he seemed to indicate that I was going to be the one driving us there to Madison. I've never drove there before, and I particularly don't like highway driving. He knows this. He, on the other hand, drives to Madison often to meet with his mom and his doctor appointments, so he knows how to get there quite well, but for some reason expects me to drive him to this fishing expo?? I told him no, let's just forget about going. He wasn't feeling that well the evening before we were going to go anyway.

 

As far as the stables, I don't know how he'll fare with hard labor or what ever it requires taking care of horses, he doesn't seem the type. But after that I spoke up and told him that it is costing me money as well filling up more than once a week with gas and I was kind of shocked he was doing this stable thing, and that I would have to cut back going to see him as often as I do. It is beginning to be a drag, and then this. I was pretty upset.

 

He doesn't have a job, he is waiting to finish school, he is living off the gov. right now and social security, and his mom also sends him money every month.