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...Is it me?


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I'll make this brief:

I was dumped by ex #1 of 3 years nov 2008. he got a new g/f march 2009 and they just celebrated their one year.

meanwhile, i met ex #2 and we started dating in july, ended in october. We talked until new years, no exchange since.

 

Since the 2nd week of Feb, I've been doing everything I can to improve my life past these breakups.

I find myself still stuck in the same place.

I have gone out nearly every other night the last 2 weeks. adn either I am (1) really ugly or (2) really invisible because I feel like men can't even see me.

I'm the only single person I know so when I go out, i'm either with friends and their boyfriends or unavailable friends.

No matter what, no one ever approaches me, talks to me, LOOKS at me.

I don't sit in the corner and sulk, but I'm not wild and all over the place either.

 

Here's the truth, I'm not really over my last ex but I'm refusing to let that get in the way of meeting someone else. I refuse to let that stand in my way because I know better.

But when I'm standing with a friend, and a guy approaches, its like i'm not even there. I'm being completely overlooked no matter where i go.

And if my friend doesnt talk to the guy (like i said, NONE of my friends are single) then he walks away, not even open to the idea of talking to me even when i try to talk back.

so then when i go home alone, I miss my ex #2. I immediately go to that place because there isn't anyone in my life. Not even a guy I have no interest in, or a new guy who has no interest in me.

I am totally alone. and I miss him, I do. And when there is no one else, he's what I go back to. But its been nearly 2 complete months of NC and I won't break it. (What good will it do?)

 

What am I supposed to do to get myself back out there? I'm so confused, and honestly I'm at a point of throwing in the towel.

I'm starting to question everything. Is this a sign? Why can't I meet someone? Am I really unattractive? Am I giving off bad vibes? What am I doing wrong?

I'm not an ugly chick. I know I'm not. But this is seriously killing my ego.

 

Any advice? I know this is petty but I've had literally an entire week of being over-looked & ignored and its really upsetting me to new heights.

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I asked my friends if I was giving off a vibe and they said for the most part, no. They said they could tell when they put me in a crappy situation (3 couples and me).

I'm on link removed and not getting that much of a response either.

I feel SO off that I am the only single person I know. Like... maybe there IS something wrong with me?

I don't think so. It's like the rules of wedding crashers.

"Do not sit in the corner and sulk. It draws attention in a negative way. Draw attention to yourself, but on your own terms."

I make sure to NOT do this. I'm not going to CHANGE who I am though - I'm not a wild child, skanky, ect. I don't dress like a grandma but I don't dress like a hooker either. I don't do 5 shots in a row and stumble around in 5 inch heels. I'm not going to change who I am into a Jersey Shore wannabe to just find a guy.

But I don't know what's right. I think tho, if what i do feels right but doesn't work maybe I need to start doing what's... wrong?

 

Like, I don't think about my ex 24/7 anymore. When I'm home alone @ night mostly and sometimes if there is something that reminds me of our relationship. That's kinda it. It's not constant like it was. Thats why I've been going out alot lately - because I'm ready. I'm ready now. I'm ready to be with someone.

I'm starting to wonder though... who? I don't know if I know what kind of man is right for me anymore. but I don't even have options.

 

What am I doing wrong? What should I be doing?

any suggestions? how do i get myself out there? what kind of places should i be trying?

 

I'm 23, I shouldn't be having THIS big of a problem meeting people to just casually date. its not like i'm looking for a husband AT THIS SECOND.

please help me.

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It sounds to me that the most likely explanation is that you are appearing unavailable. This may be because you are still hung up on an ex and you give off the "I'm taken" vibe. It may be that you you appear to be desperate. It may be that your confidence has been so shaken that men are picking up on that. Another explanation could be that you are intimidating for some reason - less approachable than some other women.

 

People can pick up these things from your body language.

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seriously i just cant seem to understand what's going on.

Last night I went out to a BBQ with 5 couples, new people i had just met, and everyone seemed to like and enjoy my company.

I went to a parade today and once again, felt invisible. I asked my mom if i was giving off bad vibes. She said no.

 

i hate to ask this... but is it as simple as I just need to be skinner?

I hate that but.. I'm starting to think my weight could be the issue.

I'm not even that fat, jeez. I'm only 30lbs overweight.

 

but where is my dilemma? I mean, do i look like a miserable person?

...what do i do? i just need some advice.

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  • 3 weeks later...

ah so i'm totally confused and stuck.

 

since the last time i posted, i started dating again. I've been casually seeing 3 guys right now.

And they're all nice, good looking guys.

 

But.. somethings wrong, guys. It's been 4 months of no contact with the ex and i still miss him alot. and it hurts. Its no longer standing in my way - i'm pretending he never existed to help myself move on.

but im kidding myself.

 

i still miss him terribly.

and i heard thru a friend that he was going to a specfic bar Friday night. I really wanna go and see him and see what happens. I know its not a good idea, I havent even told my friends I was thinking about doing this. But it's running thru my mind like a freight train. i feel like there is a greater reason why i can't let this go. because I CAN'T. No matter what i do.

 

i kiss a new guy, I think of X. I'm out on a date, I think of X. He's everywhere EVEN NOW that i'm actively doing everything i can to move on.

 

Would going out and "bumping into him" Friday be sooo terrible?

What else could I do to make these feelings for him go away? Because nothing i'm doing is working.

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Don't do that to yourself why would you waste your time going to a bar and bump into him where you can focus on hanging out with your friends and family or hang out with the guys you are seeing as you can see you pass this "Invisible veil" you felt but to tell you the truth it's been almost 6 months to me since broke up and 4 months of NC just like you and I still think of her but don't let that get to you because if you do you will keep on thinking and thinking right now it's pretty much almost as an obsession bumping into him will only lead to your friend telling your ex oh I told her you were gonna be at that bar what's gonna be the point of going think about it ? you gonna be there you gonna feel awkward and him too or maybe he's just gonna act like you are not even there or he's just gonna be the good ol' sup and start being friendly with you and be like I haven't talk to you in a while how you been catching up and you just gonna get hurt and break NC and be back to square one.

 

What I'm saying is date get your ego back yourself back before you do anything else before you start commitment again.

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so i didn't go out last night to bump into him. I avoided the entire situation at all costs.

 

but i feel it in my heart. like something is screaming at me to go back to him. and no i never felt like this before. the only thing preventing me from seeing him is not wanting to spoil my reputation. I don't want to look desperate. I don't want to appear to care. I don't want to try to hard because of how it looks. but at the same time, i dont care about how it looks because i love him so much and pride is not something im used to.

 

fear is standing in my way. And maybe thats good in the sense that i shouldn't try to go back

but being apart feels... wrong... i just dont understand why i still miss him, we;ve been apart longer than we were together.

And I'm getting involved with someone else and I'm pretty sure its a rebound because I don't feel strongly enough.

 

I don't know what to do anymore. I've done everything I can to not feel this way and it's not working. Hasn't been working and still not working.

What more is there I can do besides wait? Because obviously time doesn't help either.

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