forgiveness

[lipgloss]

forgiveness is one powerful tool. ever since we parted, i've had a hard time forgiving myself for the demise of the relationship. every day/night i wonder the what ifs...

 

that is the worst battle...once one is able to forgive him/her-self, the journey becomes easier; however, when the one you love just gives up and walks away without any concrete reason, how does one proceed to healing?

 

forgiving oneself is the biggest obstacle in the healing process. i'd like to hear others' perspectives. the one i fell in love with told me that i was a great girlfriend that he loved but could not fall in love with for the future. how does one forgive one's own qualities after hearing such?

[top bloke]

You have nothing to forgive yourself for. He just didnt appreciate your qualities and you cant hold yourself accountable for how he ended it.

[jimmajam]

I know it's a boring and generic answer, but it all comes with time. Eventually you'll have went through every moment and scenario that you can on how you helped cause the breakup. Once you've done this you'll realize that it wasn't just you and the playing field will become more even. Once this happens it's easier to forgive yourself.

[sidehop]

This reminds me of the Tao of Forgiveness...it's worth reading. A very good example of why you should forgive yourself as well as others no matter what the situation may be.

 

link removed

[cntrofthestorm]

^^they're right, you have nothing to forgive yourself for.

 

I am having a really hard time with this also. There are times when I am feeling confident about moving on but then i have days like today. All i can think about is what I did wrong. I feel a ton of regret and guilt for things that (some of which) I'm not even sure were problems. My ex-boyfriend didn't give me a reason as to why he broke up with me.

 

although it is hard to wrap my head around, I feel like the lack of reason means that he just didn't love me in the same way anymore, and maybe he didn't even know why that happened and maybe there wasn't even a reason why it did. I try to sugar coat in my mind saying that he just needs time, like i do (we're young and he was my first everything) and that one day we will work it out. But if that was the case, he would have wanted to talk things over. He had made up his mind already when he broke up with me and it was very obvious that there was nothing i could say to change it and I had no say in the situation.

 

I know he still cares about me, just not in the way he used to and not in the way i still care about him. I think I have to learn that there was nothing i could have done to change this from happening. It happened because we weren't right for each other (even though i still can't bring myself to believe that... but one day, hopefully very soon, i will)

 

I don't think you should feel anything bad about your own qualities. If he can't see himself loving someone with great qualities and who makes a great girlfriend, that says something about him, not you. I don't know exactly what your situation was but maybe he was a great guy (just stupid for letting you go ) and that just means that you can be thankful that you have qualities that attract someone like that and it should give you hope for someone new and even better in your future.

 

it's hard to stop the what if's all at once but try to at least cut them down. maybe instead of thinking about what you could have done differently, take a break and think about it in a future tense, like what will be different in a new relationship with someone else or even better, what can you do for you and in your own relationship with yourself? embrace all the great qualities that your ex is missing out on!!