I need this to be done.

[bluen]

I am a little over 4 months out of a LDR of which I was dumped. This break up has consumed all aspects of my life and I fear that if I don't make my peace with it now, I am going to be in big trouble for the foreseeable future. The breakup came out of no where and propelled me so far backwards as this was a girl I saw and discussed a future with. My hope of her coming back, changing her mind, regretting her decision have long dissipated so I no longer live in the what if territory of my mind- she is gone, past tense, moved on, sionara...

 

The pain that is left has niched a place in my heart and mind that seems almost uncontrollable to control. I've lost my job during this time and in the process have lost a lot of respect for myself for how far i've fallen in such a short amount of time. I should note that I am a professional at beating myself up and in some sick way take comfort in feeling this bad, i've been perfecting this for 25 years. All this said, I can deal with someone breaking up with me, its when I try to validate the relationship as a whole I am unable to feel happiness with the time we shared because in the end, after I was there for her through all the muck in her life, the support I gave and my natural ability to be a loving supporting partner, the best she could say back in return was how utterly worthless I was. She was cold, callus and down right nasty in her approach- all of this completely unwarranted because all I ever did was respect her 100%. The girl that broke my heart was not the same girl I shared a wonderful year with. As I continue to write on this board I don't know what I am seeking anymore. I have exhausted the subject am tired of repeating myself and want to let go this burden of feeling as low as I ever have in my life. I moved all in, in the name of love and got burned from head to toe, a lesson we all must learn at some point in our lives. Waking up in the morning is as mundane as falling asleep in the evening and life has truly become a blur. I can say openly and honestly that I don't know how to move forward because the pain has crippled me in such a profound way, and all because someone who at one point loved me so deeply, doesn't even care if I am dead or alive. As pathetic as that sounds, it's my reality.

[QuirkyCute]

Bluen, I understand the pain that you feel, and most everyone here surely does as well. As you say, you "need this to be done". It sounds to me, however, that you aren't "done". What will it take for you to get there? How many more mornings are you going to wake up and give credence to this? How much longer are you going to let your pain cripple you, as you say?

 

These are questions that I had to ask myself when I felt like my thoughts were consuming me to the point that I couldn't do anything without ruminating. The truth is, you WILL wake up one day and decide you are DONE. And I really mean DONE. DONE. DONE. Until you get there, it may take some behavior adjustment.

 

First, I think you need to understand that laying heartbroken over someone who, as you put it, was cold, callous and right down nasty in her approach, does absolutely NOTHING for you. Who does it benefit? Obviously, it doesn't benefit you, and you are number one here. It is wasted emotion. Yes, it is good to get your feelings out, but at this point, four months later, you could be so much farther along in your healing if you ACT to STOP these thoughts.

 

I have been there, and it is hard. You simply have to DO OTHER THINGS (as the saying goes, "doing things changes things"). You know what helped me? I accepted that, like you, my ex is not the guy I dated for almost a year and a half. Could I REALLY see a future with someone like that? Could I REALLY see MARRYING a man who, when the chips are down and things get hard, ABANDONS me? Once I decided that I really couldn't, I silently rejected him back. After that decision was made, it was all a matter of doing things to change things. To me, acting in that way signifies that one "needs this to be done". You must ACT like you need it to be done.