Keeping me 'forever' as his friend than something else. What do u think?

[coffeebaby]

He said

"U are attractive, smart, funny. u are my type. if u want a one night stand, i'd love to have it with u, lol, but i guess in the end i will never do that to u,even if u offered urself. u were badly hurt from the past. i want to have u forever as a friend, a sis, as relationship that will never end. not romance. romance will die. the relationship we are having now wont die like how romance end. romance suck. i love u, i will protect u. if i get drunk and do something stupid to u,dont hesitate to whack me with something."

hehe no i didnt tell him how i feel towards him to make him say this. So with this keeping-me-forever as-his-friend-than-dating-me-temporarily, what do u think? have u gone thru an experience like this before? how was it like?

[Nixee]

Have you thought about asking him what makes him so sure every romance will die and end, and why he thinks a friendship can't end?

 

Yes... I think I did reply to you previously, as I did have almost the exact same situation. Except that we did cross the line, and we did become lovers as well as friends. I think he knew from the beginning that he wanted to touch me as well as be my friend, and of course I knew I wanted more.... as it kinda sounds like you want more with this guy.

 

When my guy still was too scared to have the relationship... the "romance", we went back to being "just friends"... or tried to. But the friendship did end. The thing I think your "just a friend" is fooling himself about is that he is just a friend at all. He seems to have more feelings for you than friendship, and you with him. At some point the tension generally breaks and it has to go somewhere. Either you take a chance.. a real risk to elevate it... or you don't. Either way the friendship is at risk.

 

I do recommend talking to him about it because your friendship seems to be suffering already at least on your end, even if he can't see it because you are silent. Just know that you can't push him to do something he isn't ready for.

[coffeebaby]

hmm the best part is that we;ve talked about this. we are not interested in romance and how it can die. we've talked about stuff like that, and we have same views on it.

 

we both sound like we want more, but nahh we kind of just play around, then stop and ignore and pretend it didnt happen. we dont really question like ''what was that?! did u do that?'', and we also didnt 'continue' the thing that one of us started , like flirting.

 

i guess we both feel that frenship is also a risk too, but romance hurts way more if it ends. we are just not capable of the pain, specially when we both could really click and understand each other. we both know that we both would be happier without being in a romantic relationship AT THE MOMENT IN LIFE. frenship can end but we wont need to spend time on relationship stuff as we have more important things to do for the time being and also we are not in the same country until another year. both of us are not ready for romance as we feel there are better things to spend time/energy and focus in life AT THE MOMENT/FOR THE TIME BEING.

 

i may not call it suffering, as i know that i will suffer more if i get to be his gf , actually. im pretty happy, but just curious, wondering, thinking alot. thx so much for ur time and ur thoughts. i appreciate it . and yes maybe one day he and i wil talk about it.

[Nixee]

hmm the best part is that we;ve talked about this. we are not interested in romance and how it can die. we've talked about stuff like that, and we have same views on it.

 

You use "we" a lot here.... yet in your original post, and what you posted previously about him, it all had to do with what he said, so forgive me... I just assumed he was taking a stance that did not reflect your own views.

 

You have seemed conflicted in all of this, and have appeared to want more. I guess I wonder why else you would be posting here unless it bothers you a bit.

 

we both sound like we want more, but nahh we kind of just play around, then stop and ignore and pretend it didnt happen. we dont really question like ''what was that?! did u do that?'', and we also didnt 'continue' the thing that one of us started , like flirting.

 

I can tell you right now from first hand experience that... on the road to keeping a "just friends" relationship intact... pretending something didn't happen, and trying to pretend there aren't romantic feelings where there very obviously ARE.... it does NOT work.

 

i guess we both feel that frenship is also a risk too, but romance hurts way more if it ends. we are just not capable of the pain, specially when we both could really click and understand each other. we both know that we both would be happier without being in a romantic relationship AT THE MOMENT IN LIFE. frenship can end but we wont need to spend time on relationship stuff as we have more important things to do for the time being and also we are not in the same country until another year. both of us are not ready for romance as we feel there are better things to spend time/energy and focus in life AT THE MOMENT/FOR THE TIME BEING.

 

It actually sounds even more and more similar to what I went through, as my friend and I were far apart near the beginning of our friendship as well. The thing is, even as distance no longer was an issue... the real issue was hesitation. Either you are committed to being with someone and ready to, or you aren't. I can understand an argument about timing, and not feeling ready. Not feeling capable of the pain.... well.. you are capable of anything really... you may be surprised. The rest is just fear.

 

So if the timing isn't right, I guess I can hope that you two will get a chance, because it sounds like you have some real feelings. But in my experience, trying to stay "just friends" in order to save things... or even to put someone on hold for the future (I feel sometimes like that is what my friend was trying to do to me in the back of his mind, subconsciously)....it doesn't work that way. You can't always help when someone walks into your life.

 

i may not call it suffering, as i know that i will suffer more if i get to be his gf ....

 

Wondering what makes you say/think this? Just the distance? Do you really fear love/relationships that much?