Life

[j.d.byrnes]

Hello, I came accross this site randomly, in fact I dont even remember how I did, even though I'm sure it was only a few minutes ago, anyway. I decided to post here and see if anyone had any good advice for me. Well my problem is a common one, unhappiness. It comes from the stress in my life. Most of it is internal or internally rooted in my lack of purpose or motivation in life. I am completely capable of doing the things in life that I need to. Like school and everything, I just don't seem to be able to put the effort into it. This is lack of motivation seems to come from me finding no point if life. It's not that I don't think I can be happy, I have complete confidence that it's possible for me to be happy, It just isn't happening at the moment. It's just that not very much seems to make me happy anymore. I remember when I was younger, I can remember how I was so much more innocent and how I was just blissfully unaware and uncaring about any troubles, I was so happy and at peace. But that has been a while and now the only things that I find at all relaxing or that make me temporarily happy are listening to music, just thinking about life, and being with someone I love, which I can do anymore since I don't love anyone. I don't love my family, I don't find comfort in them, I'm simply living with them and letting them provide for me. I feel graditude but no love. And as far as any female that I might love, well, that hasn't happened so I'm still waiting. And listening to music and thinking don't reallly motivate you to work towards goals. Well without having motivation to do things you can guess how the rest of my life turns out. It's not that I want it to turn out that way, It's just that I'm too unhappy to care enough to do anything. I guess i spend most of my time lost in the emotions of the music I'm listening to and dreaming of incredibly wonderful and beautiful things that will never be. I know I shouldn't, it doesn't help anything, I just can't help myself, I guess I'm too caught up in the moment and too uncaring about anything else to fix my life, or even put up with the daily things. And to let you know, I don't believe in god. Please don't try to help me by telling me to find faith in god, I think I know how to do that on my own. I don't know if I believe in anything. The only reason I haven't killed myself is because I know that it wouldn't help anything. I'm not stupid enough to think that ending my life is going to take me to a better place. I just want relief now. I'm just a selfish, self-pitying, ignorant fool trying to make himself look special because he's so hopeless, Oh poor me, I know there are probably people out there in worse situations then me, even if there's the little voice of ego inside saying no there aren't, your so bad off, just pity yourself. I don't know. I guess something that might help my situation is a purpose. I'm just tired of waiting for one and I can't even muster up enough willl power to go look for one. Tell me whatever you want, I'm just in a sad mood at the moment so I'm probably going to go to bed, goodnight.

 

P.S.- I thought this was kind of funny so I just decided to say that. javascript

[Eh Im Canadian]

Hey, welcome to this site, hope you like what you've seen. Unhappiness is a tough problem to solve, but I'll do my best. When you are unhappy, you aren't thinking about things you like right? Why would you want to think about things you don't like then, if it always makes you unhappy? If you like god, then think about god, if you like music, think about music. It's all the same thing, just different peoples interpretations of what is good. To motivate myself, I first think about what would require the least effort, but give me the most return. Then I do it, and keep doing it, until I have gotten whaty I was afterI congratulate you on not wanting to kill yourself, because so many people try and hide behind that and it makes it really hard to talk to them. Hey the dreaming about beautiful things that you can never be is almost the best thing you can possibly do. The almost is because, there should be no "never". I quote Morpheus from the Matrix: "What is real? Is something real if you can touch it, feel it, or see it? Those are all just electrical signals interpreted by your brain". If you think you can do something, then you can, there is no doubt about that. The only problem, is that people doubt, and that is what makes the things impossible. Since you don't think you have a purpose, I'll give you one. Bring peace to the world. I don't care whether or not you don't want that purpose, thats what everyones purpose should be. Don't be sad, think of something beautiful, that you have no doubt that is possible. Hope you feel better, and what is the PS about?

[j.d.byrnes]

Perhaps I did not make myself clear. When I'm unhappy I think about wonderful and beautiful things that I absolutely love. I think about the things i desire to happen. I think about finding love about ridiculous things like living in a fantasy world. But these things always make me unhappy because I don't have too much hope that they're going to happen. It's not that I think that they are impossible, It's just that I dont think it's likely they are going to happen, and that makes me sad. And the thing that requires the least effort and gives me the most immdeiate output is listening to music or thinking about life, they both make me feel pretty good or at least much more relaxed, but I can't get myself to do things I dont' enjoy, I already don't enjoy my life, taking away the only things that make me happy is just sucha terrible thing that I can never seem to get myself to do it and work. And the P.S. was just marking it away from the rest of the topic because it was just some random after-thought i found amusing.

[christina0001]

I don't want to say that I understand what your going through, because I get annoyed when people tell me that they understand what I am going through. All I can say is life is hard! Life is so Hard! You have to find something that makes you happy, find a hobby or something like that. I know that it doesn't sound like a great idea but its an option. Maybe find someway to volunteer in your community. For some reason volunteering makes me feel good (even though I hardly ever do it), at least for a minute. If you have ICQ and want to chat, my ICQ number is in my profile.

P.S. I like your smilie

 

Good Luck

Christi

[thePuma]

Hey, welcome!

 

There are important issues about your post that need to be noticed.

 

1. You show symptoms of depression.

Depression is a big problem that can't be solved by posting on a forum. If this lack of motivation starts to influence too much on your life, you might need therapy and medication. Check you school counselor or your doctor, he will know what to do.

 

2. You can't reach the target, lower it.

So you believe you can't be a rocket scientist nor an astronaut nor a brilliant surgeon: give up on that. Focus on building a life as happy and simple as you can.

 

3. Yes, you're being very selfish (should be read egotistical, noticed by j.d.byrnes).

But that's what happens with depressed people. You need a kick in the butt. A slap in the face. Unfortunatelly I can't reach you. Go see a doctor and then try to keep your mind busy on doing something like what christina0001 suggested: community work. I have been sort of where you, and I still get amazed and self-grateful when I actually finish a task all by myself.

 

4. How to get motivation?

If people around you don't understand what you're going through, than something's wrong with your relationships. I think I know what you mean by "I feel graditude but no love" about your parents. If I were younger, like you, I would have a serious conversation with them. I would tell them to forget thinking about me as brilliant mastermind. To think about me as someone who needs something more than just the basic human needs. I don't remember being hugged by my parents. But I'm 20, I'm a man. I'm supposed to be tough, tough men don't have problems with motivation. Tough men join the army (now this just sounded bad..).

If you can have this conversation with your parents, have it. Maybe they'll be able to push you forward a little. Do your real friends know how your feeling? Let them push you too. Motivation is something that comes in an upward spiral from each achievement you get. However, you must unbalance that downward spiral of apathy. That's where medication/therapy/lot's of strenght come in.

 

I don't have real friends where I live now, just work partners. Don't let yourself sunk in loneliness. I have to fight against lack of motivation when I have group work to do and my partners are counting on me. I hate group work..

 

Hope you find your way through this greyscale city..

[j.d.byrnes]

As far as clinical depression goes, I have gone to a psychologist and a psychiatrist and neither of them think that I have clinical depression, they simply think that I am an unhappy person.

Second of all, I didn't say that I am incapable of doing great things, quite the contrary, I have a lot of potential I am simply not taking advantage of it due to my lack in motivation.

Third, I didn't say I was being selfish, I said I was being egotistical, which is different. If I'm egotistical it simply means that I think I'm either a special or unique person or full of myself. I do care about others. I feel bad a lot of the time because I know that I make other people feel bad and it eats me up inside. It's a terrible feeling. Just not a motivating one.

Lastly, I dont have good relationships with anyone. I have never really shared my feelings openly with people and when I do share them they are confused that I feel bad about not doing what I should and yet I continue not to do it. I don't have good relationships with my family because I choose to. I do not greatly like my family. They aren't the kind of people I would go to for help, I apologize if that seems rude or insulting to them somehow but I find no comfort in them not for lack of their trying. And I haven't been able to feel good about an achievement in a very long time, simply because I haven't done anything that reaches my standards I have set for myself. I don't get motivation from my friends and family because I don't greatly care about what they think of me because I have an excellent idea of who I am and I do not need people to judge me. I am looking for alternative forms of motivation. I have also tried volunteering and similar activities and found no satisfaction in them.

[Eh Im Canadian]

Hey, you said I misinterpreted you. You misinterpreted me. I don't want you to think of thoughts that you know will not work out or happen. You have to have thoughts that are happy and WILL HAPPEN. Thats the point of making them good thoughts. Hope this clears up what I said.

[j.d.byrnes]

I'm sorry if I misinterpreted you. Though to quote you "Hey the dreaming about beautiful things that you can never be is almost the best thing you can possibly do." and then again you say in your reply to my reply "I don't want you to think of thoughts that you know will not work out or happen." I am confused by these seemingly conflicting statements, though I agree more with the second one at the moment. The only good really good thing that I think can happen to me is falling in love or possibly finding a passion in something I do. But the first is seemingly out of reach but I do put forth effort to make it happen yet it is fruitless as of yet. And the latter does not bring me any enjoyment or fullfillment so I really don't care to think about it, it's like a chore really, and I already know my potential so thinking about it and how I'm not fullfilling it just makes me feel bad.

[Eh Im Canadian]

I guess I was saying it was coming close to the thing you should be doing, but it wasn't the best. I meant almost to mean it came close to being it, but it had one flaw. Sorry, I phrased it really badly, and I apologize.

[thePuma]

Third, I didn't say I was being selfish, I said I was being egotistical, which is different.

Sorry, I misread you, and my engrish did not spare me.

 

Even if you're not depressed, you could still get some medication for motivation and concentration.

 

I understood that you have the potential but you're not able of taking advantage of it because of lack of motivation. I know what that is. But if you continually fail to overcome the lack of motivation, you probably should lower your standards.

 

So, you're alone. Well I don't know any other alternative forms of motivation. Unless this is a post-puberty dramatic phase, you need a lot of inner strength to get through this without lowering your standards. You better be ready to hit rock bottom because things can and probably will get much worse.

[SandyD]

Maybe get a full check up with your doc to rule out any physical problems...

[Wraith]

I saw your post and really identified with it j.d.byrnes so much so I decided to join this forum.

 

Your situation seems really similar to mine although I was lucky enough that it didn't hit me until after i was 18.

 

I copied down a few sentences from your original post that I felt stood out in regards to how i feel as well.

 

Most of it is internal or internally rooted in my lack of purpose or motivation in life.

 

I find myself thinking very cynically about the future.

 

In terms of career almost everything seems so fake and pointless - working for a blood sucking company all my life - no thanks. My father sacrificed his life to his company and its currently killing him despite his fancy car and suits he's on blood pressure medication and has numerous other medical conditions.

 

I don't want to be slave to the bank all my life trying to pay off a mortgage working crap hours not having enough time to enjoy anything the money you're slaved for has bought you.

 

I realise that means I'm going to be a 'no hoper' all my life but I just don't seem to care at the moment.

 

The pursuit of money and 'status' just doesn't motivate me seemingly it just all seems so pathetic - some times I think how I'd like to see civilisation collapse just so all the rich and arrogant find the money they worship has become worthless.

 

Arrogant people annoy me greatly society seems to be filled with them and I'm loathed to want to enter 'their' world.

 

People who educate themselves simply so they can belittle those without 'qualifications' who fail to understand what Oscar Wilde meant when he said -

 

"Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing worth knowing can be taught."

 

Or rich people who feel because they have lots of money and can buy fancy clothes and cars they are some how better than others…

 

This is lack of motivation seems to come from me finding no point if life.

 

Perhaps I'm lucky that I do believe in God and think part of the point of living is finding Him but I realise that you aren't interested in this and I respect your wishes.

 

If you mean 'life in general' (as in day-to-day living) then yes I just find myself laughing at the insignificance of it all. Everyone constantly seems to be competing against everyone else for pointless reasons.

 

Recently I thought (and I think a lot in my spare time) about the culture for young people like myself to go out drinking in clubs and pubs of a night. In the past evening drinking was all about relaxing and feeling happy after a day's work or fighting. But not today...

 

Today you go out and it's one big pointless competition between everyone to wear the best most overtly expensive clothes possible, to 'pull' the most attractive girl in the club, to intimidate or otherwise 'put in their place' the people at the next table.

 

Drunken fights are not uncommon - it's just one big battlefield every night. It seems to me for the most part everyone just seems to hate each other and thinks its normal and ok to 'evaluate yourself' by comparing yourself to others.

 

It's not that I don't think I can be happy, I have complete confidence that it's possible for me to be happy, It just isn't happening at the moment.

 

Some times I get a glimpse of my true abilities and I realise it is possible for me to be happy but this is rare and it never lasts.

 

I find myself waiting for some sort of chance life changing moment when everything slips into place and I'm sure of myself for the first time ever.

 

I believe what will make me happy is realising I've taken the first step along the path of my destiny rather than hoping I will win the lottery and not having to worry about money any more.

 

And as far as any female that I might love, well, that hasn't happened so I'm still waiting.

 

Same here.

 

Again I'm very cynical of this as I've seen so many people get a partner simply because they feel that if you don't you are a looser.

 

It's as if people don't realise that you find a partner for the purpose of spending the rest of your life with them and in my opinion starting a family with.

 

I swear people (in particular people my age that I know) today just want a partner as a fashion accessory someone to show off while it is fashionable to do so - they have no interest in proper a relationship they just feel the social pressure to be seen to have a partner even to the point of going out with someone they don't like.

 

I've actually had friends ring me up and ask me my opinion of people they obviously have an interest in to gauge whether they are at risk loosing 'social status' by going out with them.

 

Again it's just so pathetic and pointless and shows how the 'average person' in my opinion just sells themselves into the slavery of others due to this 'pressure' society exerts.

 

If I don't love a girl or at least see the potential for love then I just don't see the point of perusing anything with her.

 

I know I shouldn't, it doesn't help anything, I just can't help myself, I guess I'm too caught up in the moment and too uncaring about anything else to fix my life, or even put up with the daily things.

 

Even shaving is a chore to me I just don't see the point - I wouldn't care to much if I didn't shave but of course it's not socially acceptable to look like a 'slob'.

 

Perhaps I'm just clinging on before a long fall into depression I do just enough to just keep myself at the edge. I go to the gym regularly as being in good health is one of the few things I see as really being worthy of the effort. I suppose the fact that I have the will power to go to the gym gives me hope as I obviously I'm not devoid of motivation.

 

The problem of course is I think I'm motivated to go to the gym out of fear rather than hope for the future; fear of becoming over weight again (something I suffered with during my teens).

 

I'm just a selfish, self-pitying, ignorant fool trying to make himself look special because he's so hopeless, Oh poor me, I know there are probably people out there in worse situations then me, even if there's the little voice of ego inside saying no there aren't, your so bad off, just pity yourself.

 

I constantly make myself feel guilty - I've had so much opportunity in my life and haven't the excuse of those who are very poor living in deprived areas.

 

I have the time in the day to whine about my life while others in the world just wish they could find enough food to survive.

 

I do wonder where these starving people get their motivation to survive from though - what are they fighting for? What hope do they have for the future that I do not?

 

 

 

I know I can be happy in life but I'm just desperate to find the road that will lead me there. I've searched hard and am still searching but my exertions have left me tired and I'm almost out of motivation - I fear for my future.

 

Perhaps in the past I've had just a few too many failures compared to my friends and I didn't receive those few chance happy events that left 'you' wanting for more and excited about the potential for the future?

 

Perhaps my present unhappiness is a vital part of my life and is necessary for my future happiness?

 

However small I do still have hope but I can feel it fading.

 

I pray God forgives me.