Agrajag Posted March 12, 2010 Share Posted March 12, 2010 I'm 23 and she's 18. For a month or so she's obviously been dealing with issues but didn't want to talk about them - and when she did she said she felt so lost in life and felt "empty" and emotionless. We just had the Vancouver 2010 olympics about 30 min on transit from out home and she said she felt unmoved by them. She couldn't get herself excited about them For several months we've had a steady routine. Spend time together at my home Thursday evening - Sunday morning where she goes home (40km from mine) to spend time with family and friends until the next Thursday night. (or wednesday, depending. I thought that was enough but it clearly wasn't. She sent me a text message Tuesday morning..this is going to make me teary bringing it out of my phone "Hey I didn't get to say, but i really miss you. And can't wait to be back, with your arms around me Then tuesday night i phone and she clearly wasn't feeling good and was in tears crying and crying. She starting talking about needing space but wasn't being very clear about it. It was very very hard to hear what she said behind tears and the heavy muffled cell phone signal. I said a lot of things that i regret and she brought up her list of things that had been bothering her. Most of which i think i heard clearly to understand - but we both came to need to sleep on it and talk about it in the morning I called Wednesday morning and I tried to phone her with no answer, then texted "good morning i insisted because i didn't know what she wanted me to do i didn't know that she wanted "complete" space. I felt angry I answered "whatever" "stop punishing me because you're feeling sorry for yourself" I have no idea why i said this. the conversation got worse and i'm sure i said more stupid things but i just need to know what i can do She implied that Monday would be the day we would talk again. Will I still have a relationship after this "space" Why did she bottle this up? What can I do!!! Link to comment
captain_james Posted March 12, 2010 Share Posted March 12, 2010 I would request a break for her to deal with the issues she's having. Perhaps mention when she's ready to discuss them to get in contact with you, and then go No Contact. You're currently pushing her away, and you don't want that. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted March 12, 2010 Share Posted March 12, 2010 I think you need to steel yourself for a breakup. Hopefully she can talk with you and you two can work it out, but a breakup is possible. You said some pretty mean things and mean words can't be taken back. Also, she may be depressed or have some other issue going on. She's very young too ... maybe she's not ready for a serious relationship. Lots of possibilities. Just give her space for now and be ready to listen without anger when she talks. Link to comment
Agrajag Posted March 12, 2010 Author Share Posted March 12, 2010 When we talk again i'll have a change to state my case. i obviously just reacted badly - she didn't give me any time to understand what was happening. i hope she understands i didn't mean what i said. Link to comment
Agrajag Posted March 13, 2010 Author Share Posted March 13, 2010 how can i make her miss me? or know if she does? can i send her flowers? or call to tell her i understand why I was wrong but i still know we can make it as a relationship i'm breaking down - i will eventually fail Link to comment
Agrajag Posted March 13, 2010 Author Share Posted March 13, 2010 Why was she in tears with me on the phone. She seemed so confused and hurt I don't know why she felt so bad - she is in complete control i'm so..male. lol Link to comment
Agrajag Posted March 13, 2010 Author Share Posted March 13, 2010 okay..so i can't break the silence until she calls me Monday Can I call her then? OR what should I say when we finally connect? tell her i'm sorry tell her i understand tell her i can be different now that i KNOW she was having problems Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted March 13, 2010 Share Posted March 13, 2010 Don't torture yourself hon. Just think that it's ok for you to reach out Monday if she doesn't. Try to make it through the weekend. Link to comment
Agrajag Posted March 14, 2010 Author Share Posted March 14, 2010 I still don't really understand why she doesn't want to actually talk with me for so many days. It's kinda hurting out of the fact that someone that just said they loved me and missed me can't even talk it out with me during this kind of time. I see her "online" facebook contantly now...clearly having a lot of chat with friends about what shes going through. I'm worried that they'll make judgments about me and i've never met most of them... Link to comment
shessofly Posted March 14, 2010 Share Posted March 14, 2010 I still don't really understand why she doesn't want to actually talk with me for so many days. It's kinda hurting out of the fact that someone that just said they loved me and missed me can't even talk it out with me during this kind of time. I see her "online" facebook contantly now...clearly having a lot of chat with friends about what shes going through. I'm worried that they'll make judgments about me and i've never met most of them... don't worry about her conversations with her facebook friends, since there's nothing you can do about it and you really don't know that you are the focus of her convos anyway. all of this is normal behavior for people who are "taking a break" from the relationship. read through the forums some more. "they JUST told me they loved me/missed me" and now.... it happens all the time. we've all been there. it sucks, but life does go on. i would say delete her as a facebook friend, but it seems common practice around here with most folks, that they keep the person on their social network and then torture themselves by stalking their walls/photos, etc. i personally don't get it, but it happens all the time. when i broke up with my ex i avoided any and every single opportunity to see what was going on in his world. my vivid imagination did plenty enough to keep me depressed thinking about what he was up to. i didn't need confirmation of it by looking at new pics, wall posts, friends, etc. anyway, i hope you are feeling better soon. Link to comment
Agrajag Posted March 14, 2010 Author Share Posted March 14, 2010 I'm not feeling better yet because i haven't talked to her. We're still "together" on facebook mind you Link to comment
Agrajag Posted March 16, 2010 Author Share Posted March 16, 2010 it's over she broke it off for good. but it still doesn't add up. they way it all happened seems like she's still in love but me but felt she was holding herself back to be in the relationship. I understand now that she finally told me and had time to think why it seemed that way. It's aproblem that was solved! So, of course, she says she feels more like "herself" now...the same thing she told me when she could get away from her judgmental friends and family. yet, I did not judge her - i always supported her. I just want another chance. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted March 16, 2010 Share Posted March 16, 2010 She is very young. I think she needs time and space to develop her own independence. Link to comment
shessofly Posted March 16, 2010 Share Posted March 16, 2010 it's over she broke it off for good. but it still doesn't add up. they way it all happened seems like she's still in love but me but felt she was holding herself back to be in the relationship. I understand now that she finally told me and had time to think why it seemed that way. It's aproblem that was solved! So, of course, she says she feels more like "herself" now...the same thing she told me when she could get away from her judgmental friends and family. yet, I did not judge her - i always supported her. I just want another chance. i am so sorry agrajag. she is very young and probably not all that great at communicating her feelings right now. she's probably got quite a bit of growing up to do, although i know that does not make you feel any better. if you know that you did not judge her, then don't assume those are her reasons for feeling like 'herself' now just because she used that excuse before. she may not be able to clearly convey how she feels about the situation. there's not much else can be said to make you feel better right now, but with each passing day i hope you will begin to feel better. Link to comment
Agrajag Posted March 17, 2010 Author Share Posted March 17, 2010 i am so sorry agrajag. she is very young and probably not all that great at communicating her feelings right now. she's probably got quite a bit of growing up to do, although i know that does not make you feel any better. if you know that you did not judge her, then don't assume those are her reasons for feeling like 'herself' now just because she used that excuse before. she may not be able to clearly convey how she feels about the situation. there's not much else can be said to make you feel better right now, but with each passing day i hope you will begin to feel better. She came to get her things from my apartment today and something very very interesting happened. She opened up. she obviously couldn;t make any promises ... but implied we may one day give it a shot again I know she has feelings for me. because i know she's said she doesn't know what to feel since she's seen me again We kissed. I made the move Myabe it was the wrong thing to do but it felt right...and she went with it. I just wanted to see if the feelings were still there...and they are I told her that I completely understood her decison. She said we could try out the friendship in maybe 3..4 weeks She never said no to the idea of trying a relationship now that we had a chance to FINALLY talk...face to face. She said it would take time but it could happen I'm happy but have closure at the same time Weird feeling Link to comment
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