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PkyGirl

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is there ever a time that it is ok for your SO to say F u or go F yourself to you? I mean is there any comment that you could make that would make you think that response from that person would be ok or desirved? Or does this person just not repsect you at all? Really...please explain to me how you would feel if your signifacant other said this to you.

 

I posted this in the off topics thread but it never showed up on the main page, so if it ends up a double post I am sorry.

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It is deserved if you are being an ass, or if you said it to them first. Things like this are normal though. Its slightly healthy to argue a little and tell each other to F off. Now if it gets too personal and there are personal attacks being launched, then you have crossed the line. As long as nobody talks about the other's mom, I think its OK. LOL!

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Thats interesting..because I can not think of anything that my SO could ever say to me that I would disrespect him like that. I guess that is why I am having a hard time with him saying it to me. I didnt think I was being an ass. This has happened several times, we have discussed it, i have told him how it makes me feel and I have asked him to stop but it continues. Maybe I am an ass. IDK

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There should be no reason for them to be saying this in anger towards you. It is very disrespectful and the fact that they are saying this to you in anger means no they do not respect you.

 

I will tell you from personal experience. I've only ever had one guy I dated do this to me. In anger. And it only got worse. It went from this, to destroying my property, to hurting me physically, to spitting on me. Find someone who respects you. This person isn't worth it and they have some stuff to sort out. You're better off without.

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My bf and I say it to each other jokingly, but he has never said it to me out of anger or an argument.

 

Unfortunately, I cannot say the same for myself. I can recollect two incidents where I told him F*** You during an argument. He just gave me a look, told me to calm down and then let me know that it was not appreciated. I apologized and felt bad about it, but sometimes I know that I just can't control my anger (not that it's justifies my actions).

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I don't think it is ever ok. I have never ever said that to anyone, and would be very clear with my partner that it was not acceptable. Name-calling is a sign of extreme contempt, which is one of the "four horsemen of the apocalypse" for relationships (the other three are criticism, defensiveness and stonewalling). Telling someone to go "f" themselves is telling them that you do not respect their emotions, or them - and deride them. Really not constructive and incredibly hurtful.

 

If I were you, I would communicate with my boyfriend that I was open to discussing our relationship, and understood that we would sometimes be in conflict, but that you could not ever accept him scorning you that way, and expected him to never use such language to speak to you again.

 

I have said mean and hurtful things before, but things like "f you" and name calling are just scornful, contemptuous and disrespectful. Not ok.

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That totally depends on the couple. I've seen couples throw words like that at each other on a daily basis and think nothing of it five minutes later and I've seen couples nearly break up because of such vocabulary. I would be okay with hearing it if I did something very wrong and would probably forgive my significant other if she did that because of some outside factors ie having a horrible day and just snaps. I would not however be okay with hearing it daily.

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