My Child and his dad's infidelity

[Brenda222]

I knew my ex was cheating with his ex even though he wouldn't admit it. He was staying out all night and then even talking to her on the phone with me sitting in the same room with him. I kept hearing we are friends but I knew that was a lie. It got unbearable the silent treatment he gave me. He never spent time with our son like he should outside of the home or take him anywhere. Our son would ask his dad if he could go with him places, his dad never took him with him. He asked me to move, said he didn't want to be with me anymore. The silent treatment and all the way he treated me got to be unbearable so I moved. Now here it is a few months later, his mom and his sister and his ex have move in our home. Our son has been in the bed with them together, in our bedroom. When he picks up our son, our son doesnt sleep in the bed anymore but yet the ex is still in the home along with his mom and sister. Our son cries with me sometimes and says it hurts him because his mom and dad are not together. He said he doesnt mention that to his dad. Now everyone seems to be so happy over in our home. The same people who come to our home wouldn't visit when I lived there for 7 years, now they live there and others visit. Im gone a few months and the ex is living there. Our son doesn't say anything to his dad about it. I am not allowed to come to our home or even park near it. I have to meet him to pick up our son, but I don't want to go there and see all this anyway, it hurts too much. If I tell him our son is hurt he will say I am lying and then tell me how he doesnt want me and how good a person she is and how it was my fault we broke up. Even though he asked me to move and made it unberable for me to be there he tells everyone I uped and moved cause I wanted to. Three questions (1) Will anyone ever see that I was not wrong and how hurt I am and how this has hurt our son (they laugh and party in the home while I sit and hurt from not being in my home) (2) Why is he the one that cheated and I am the one who is still hurting while he walks around smiling and laughing (3) Will he ever get his (he seems to get what he wants even though he broke up his family and has another woman sleeping in our bedroom?

[Brenda222]

Oh btw I have to say this. Before the ex moved in our home he never took his son anywhere with him. Now that the ex and the family have moved in he is constantly taking his son places. I asked our son if she goes with them. He said she never goes anywhere with him. Before when we were together he never took his son anywhere and 1/2 the time didnt come home and wouldnt even call him while he was out. Now to everyone it looks like hes always done this, even though he hasnt, but they havent been around to see this so they think he has always spent time with his son. When wed get back together he would stop taking his son places, each time we live seperately he takes his son around the family and takes him places and they think he does this always. When we live together he visits his family but leaves his son at home. Why all this phoneyness? Will anyone ever see thru this. Now it looks like he is a dad who spends his time with his son always. How can he have the audacity to put his son in the bed with him and this woman not even two months after we have seperated? To me, we have seperated and gotten back together but this is the first time he has had other women in our home. Before our apartments were in my name. Even when we broke up I never brought a man in our home because I felt it was disrespect in case we get back together. Now this place is in his name. He didnt wait a good 2 months before he had someone in our bedroom. I just want one day for him and everyone else to see the wrong in this. How can his family and this woman move in knowing that I am not allowed to come near our home? How can they sit around our son as if I don't exist. They heard his whole side about our problems, not mine so they dont know the abuse he put me thru and the foul language he spoke to me because he doesnt do this to them and they don't see this side of him. I just keep telling myself karma will come back on him but it seems he is the one walking around happy while I walk around with hurt. I wanted to end it all one day, even wrote a note, then I realized that he would just go on living with this woman and have our son around her and still make me the bad guy. Why does he seem to not get his. How is he the one who is so happy when I am the one who got put out and am hurting. How can others sit and enjoy being in my home and spending the night and living there knowing I cant come there and do this around my son.

[Unity]

Brenda -

I think you need to focus on being the best mom you can be. Forget about your ex and just focus on your time with your son.

 

If he tells you he's sad that you're no longer together, it's probably best to be firm with him and tell him that although you know it hurts him, you and his dad both love him whether you're together or not ... and tell him that although you and daddy won't be together any more, you'll always be there for him if he needs you, and so will his dad.

[Brenda222]

Thank you for the advice. I hope to try to do this. Hard part is that while I'm sitting here struggling he has so many people living in our home for free. I just wonder how people hurt other people and walk around so happy. I know the Lord will bring me thru all this and one day I will look back, be doing great and I know what goes around comes around. I don't wish bad luck on anyone but I know you will reap what you sow. This is why I don't do anything to get even or go to the house or say anything to anyone. Hard part is knowing that I couldn't come to my home while everyone else sits and enjoys it. He and his ex never thought about buying a home, his family either. Now that I get a home with him he and them all want me out. And now that I am out everyone is so happy in it. I just think its so wrong that the minute I get a home with him he suddendly wants her there. When we were buying the home he really didnt want her to know about it and wanted nothing to do with her. He had to have me out of there because he couldn't show her the home he bought with me there. Now she is there in my home. Can you imagine how it hurts. I cant go to the home with my name on it but she can live there.

[Startingover2007]

If your name is on the house, then you didn't have to leave. The house is half yours.

You can have the ex and family move out if you wanted. I would be going to court over this. If I had to leave, He would be buying out my interests in the house.

[Brenda222]

Problem with the house is I can't afford to pay for it and don't want to pay that much for a house. He can afford to pay for it. I think I would have a hard time ever being in that house again knowing that this woman, and who knows who else, have been sleeping in my bedroom. I am not taking my name off of it til I get me another home. That house is double the mortgage of what it cost to buy a home today so I'm glad my name is not on the mortgage. I just have to find a job. Everyone says I can kick them out but I don't to be in that home it's just the dirty way everyone did me to get me out. Everyone says what goes around comes around and the ex wants the house. She has told him she wanted it to be her home too. Funny thing is that when she was with him they never put forth the effort to get a home and they both have longivity on their jobs and make good money. The way the homes are today, there is no equity in the home or anything and since he has always paid the mortgage I know he would tell the courts that I have not paid on the house. I just want another home to start over. I had to leave, it was so abusive and unbearable for me there. He made it like that so he could get rid of me and move everyone in. He lets them stay there for free but even though I went thru all the work to get this home, he told me if I couldn't pay for my half I had to move, while they sit there and pay nothing.

[Brenda222]

I go to school and oh my GOD, it just makes me feel so good. I love going to school. When I get out of class it just makes me feel I have a future somewhere. I feel right now that I can find a job soon. I went thru depression today. I had to talk to him but Im glad it was right before I went to school. I walked into school feeling down and depressed after hearing his voice. When class started it didn't even cross my mind so I know GOD is good and once I find work, get into exercise and stay in church like I have done it will all pass. I just hope I feel this way tomorrow.