Marriage proposals, mutual friends, shrinks, and dignity.

[gallway]

Hi all. My case is pretty typical. Obviously we all wouldn't be here if we didn't have 80% of our feelings in common. Long story short 6 years on, 6 months as friends, 2 months of "no contact." So I've been in therapy for a while and one thing that's come out of it is my fear of rejection made me keep my ex at arm's length. Well, I'm over it in a big way. It may be too little too late but I am seriously considering re-establishing contact as friends, seeing the ex once or twice to be sure we still get along, and if we do just asking her to marry me. What's the worst that can happen? She says "no?" What do I have to lose really, we don't talk as it is? A few friends say I'd be risking my dignity by popping the question like that, especially considering she's casually, but exclusively, seeing someone else. I guess I disagree. I'll play it by ear and go with my heart on this one, but I was wondering if this type of thing has occurred to anyone out there.

[Ingrid]

For sure, the exclusive bf she has is a major problem. However, perhaps (or probably) she is very disappointed that your relationship did never become permanent. May be she still loves you, but she thinks you are not truly interested in her, since you never asked her to marry you.

 

Unless the two of you had major problems in the relationship, she probably still loves you. She might be dating other people in order to forget you.

 

I'd say, go ahead, ask her. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. If she says no, this will be a lesson for you. But if your relationship was good and the only thing missing was a serious commitment, then she will probably say yes, unless the new guy is fantastico, much better than you.

 

Good luck!

[DragonGirl724]

i am dumpee i am not sure what role u played in the break up but tho i didnt see a doctor i thougth about goin to one. but i self analyzed myself A LOT & the relationship b/w me & the ex i love. & i wrote him a handwritten letter after 2 months broken up sayin i see how i went wrong & i appologized for it, and never once in the letter did i say i love u or i miss u etc. i wanted him to feel confortable in his decision he made consciously w/o applying any excess pressure to him. and yea given it wasnt ALL my fault i took a lot of the blame & manned up to it & i felt better for myself!! i said if u want to rekindle a friendship etc the ball is in your court, but that was NOT my intentions of this letter. it was to simply applogize for i see the errs in my ways & youre a great person & i at least owed you an appology. i wish u the best & im here if u need anything. and i only wrote that letter b/c i was over my little complexes & understood FULLY how i mucked $**t up in some aspects. so maybe that can give you the satisfaction you want right now. it worked for me. i wouldnt jump the gun at the purposing idea as of right now. but im no expert, jus goin by my situation & experiences. tho i dont have him bak yet he also has a lotttt of work to do on himself & he knows wat he has to do & he appologized to me countless times for how he acted too & he said once he gets his ***t together ill be the first call he makes...so maybe the same will go for you. but the ring is probably too much to handle right now. timing is everything & u could kill all chances if u jump the gun, take your time feed off of her reactions to things and take it one day at a time. as difficult as that may be, a journey of 1000 miles begins with a single step.

 

goodluck.

 

-DG724

[Mun]

Hello there,

I say call her up and talk to her casually. Wait a bit, like a week and then if the conversation on the phone was good-invite her out for a casual date. Nothing romantic just quiet like dinner. Start slowly and get a feel for what is there. You will get the chance to see if the both of you still "click "and if there is still feelings between both of you. Start slowly, don't pop the question right off the bat. Once you start dating, assuming you will, wait maybe a month or two before becoming more committed. Good luck!

[tere]

you need to consider the reason why you both break-up... was it because of the commitment or because of something else... either way she needs to see that you have made improvements