xoxoxo21 Posted May 27, 2004 Share Posted May 27, 2004 Hey! I've been gone for a while but I am back now. I am going through a pretty big step in my life right now. Okay so my fiance is away right now fighing for our country, he has been away for quite some time now. In the meantime I have been here trying to keep my life going knowing that he is there. It is very hard. I have my good moments and my bad. I am most sane when i am with my friends. Recently I was out at a bar with some friends and I met a guy and gave him my number. Thinking he wouldn't call, then next day he calls. He asks me to meet up with him and his buddies so I bring a friend and we go. By doing this, I am doing nothing wrong. As time progresses to now we have seen each other a few times since and we talk on the phone. I have done nothing with him, meaning kissing, bed hop that stuff. He told me that he really really likes me. Problem is he doesn't know I am getting married. I just didn't feel he needed to know that first night. He is lusting me and I feel awful. I like him to but I can not pursue things of course because I am in a relationship with someone I really love. How should I go about this situation? It's a toughie. You can be in love and like someone else and your first response his that guys comfort and that guys presense because your guy isn't there ya know. MAle attention. What should I do without telling him that I lied to him? Link to comment
ang3l2004 Posted May 27, 2004 Share Posted May 27, 2004 The only thing I can tell you is that you didnt lie because he did not ask,You did nothing wrong by going out having fun with your friends you did nothing with him more then a phonecall and hanging out there is nothing wrong with that,There really is nothing you can do because your getting married but you are already with someone and are you really ready for marriage?By your post it seems as if your not only because you like someone else I mean you can like someone else but in my opinion and with me if im with someone I do not get my self in a place to even be able to like someone else if u know what I mean.Anything can happen but its all up to how you feel inside,Do you like him a little more then what you say?Now your soon to be husband probably would not be to happy about the situation.If you go about telling this guy that your getting married and that you do like him you will just being setting yourself up for confusion.Sorry if I didnt help to much just wanted to tell you my opinion good luck with everything though. Link to comment
dikaia880 Posted May 27, 2004 Share Posted May 27, 2004 Hey, I don't think you've done anything wrong, the position your in has to be very hard, several of my buddies are over there and I know their fiancees are having a hard time with it...All I can say is that if you really love your guy, and your not doing anything with this other guy...then your really just in it for the companionship...I think the other guy needs to know (and respect) your situation...if he knows that and still goes after more than just friends I don't think he's the kind of guy you really want to be around as it is...but if he's fine with just giving companionship and support, I think it's actually a good thing... The other question should be, do you tell your fiancee....he might not like that your hanging out with this guy, but how would he feel when he gets back and finds out? that I can't really give any sort of answer... Best of luck, and thank your fiancee for doing what he's doing for me! Link to comment
xoxoxo21 Posted May 27, 2004 Author Share Posted May 27, 2004 Hey! Thanks for the advice, it helped me a lot. Because I knew in my heart I am not doing anything wrong but I think I needed that reassurance from someone I don't know. I love my fiance and I am not going to hurt him. I believe that I can have a male friend as my comfort zone. I am not sure if I am going to tell the guy about my fiance. Thanks Link to comment
Michael2 Posted May 27, 2004 Share Posted May 27, 2004 Ask your fiance about this situation. I can definitely tell you he wouldnt think its right. What if you fiance gave out his number, would you be upset. You are lying if you said no. Link to comment
avman Posted May 27, 2004 Share Posted May 27, 2004 I think you should tell this guy about your fiancee. I mean, if there isn't anything wrong with your relationship with this man - then why shouldn't he know? Its when you start hiding things that the relationship goes down the wrong path. Keep everything in the open, and there won't be problems. Start hiding things, and thats when it will all blow up in your faces. avman Link to comment
dikaia880 Posted May 27, 2004 Share Posted May 27, 2004 I agree with Avman.....the more things are hidden the more they will cause problems... At the very least your friend should know your engaged...mainly to keep him from getting other ideas and putting you in a bad situation... Link to comment
sarahblues7 Posted June 18, 2004 Share Posted June 18, 2004 I personally believe that 'not telling' is the same as 'lying'. I know that if I found out about something that I wasn't being told & it involved my FIANCE, that would really hurt me...even more so that it was being hid from me. The other person involved (non-fiance) needs to know, otherwise they have no other way to access the situation in how they should feel about you or you about them. You are not being fair to neither your fiance or your "friend" if you don't explain everything. Not telling is the same as lying... Link to comment
ComputerGuy Posted June 19, 2004 Share Posted June 19, 2004 The same thign happened to me with my g/f, she was at a party and she gave another guy her number. She told me the same night when she got home, and said she just wanted a friend so I needn't worry. It didn't bother me because I trust her and that fact that she told me straight shows she has nothing to hide. Link to comment
dida Posted June 20, 2004 Share Posted June 20, 2004 You really should tell this friend that you're engaged.. if he's been good to you so far then at least you owe him that truth.. Going out with you knowing you're single could eventually give him ideas about more than just friends (especially if he thinks you're nice and he's starting to feel things for you).. and because you don't know how it will progress then you should make things clear for him so that he doesn't let it go too far if he wants more... But most importantly.. i think that you should ask yourself one direct question: "Would you have wanted him as a friend if your fiance was right there with you?" If the answer's NO and you're sure of it.. then always keep in mind that nothing's worth losing the one you love.. so don't risk it! And maybe even tell your fiance about it when he's back.. dida Link to comment
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