My Final Mystery That Needs Answered

[mrvaughn]

So we all know that she was messing me about & i feel that i've healed enough now. I'm OK at last. I could never continue to care about someone who messed me about. She lied about rape & the kid and she used the lies against me during 'us'.

 

There is still one mystery that I haven't yet got my head around...

 

We'd have these arguments where she'd say i was being impatient and unreasonable. I wasn't...she was manipulating it all along.

 

She'd say something like. "Let's just leave it then", or "I don't think we could work" at the end of each argument. I'd then end up apologising (even though I was right) and she's say OK and i'd go back to being 'patient' for her to be ready.

 

What I don't understand is why at the time of saying these things, did she not just stick to it as being 'over'. Why allow me to go on thinking there was a chance for us to be together? She obviously wasn't interested...saying things like "my kid's dad will still be around, nothings going to change that" proves that she had no intention of being with me as there was no kid in the first place.

 

My thinking on it at the moment is that perhaps by this point she loved the control she had over me? She probably saw that she had that power and as she is an obvious attention seeker, liked it.

 

I mean, we rarely physically saw each other during that time, but we spoke every day on messenger in work (all day long) and this is where our convo took place. I think maybe she loved the thought of me chasing her without the hastle of actually having to see me (as she definitely was messing me about).

 

What are your thoughts ena'ers?

[HurtStudent]

Could it be she had a personality disorder?

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My ex would do the same things, but even worse at times (she would literally emotionally blackmail me telling me that her ex would do it.)

 

Either way, unless these people are willing to change- I doubt there's any point going after the mystery.

[minou]

Why are you spending so much time trying to figure out someone who is such a liar. There is an irrational quality to her actions and you will drive yourself nuts. No mystery here. She isn't a sincere person and you can't expect her words or actions to have integrity. Whatever was behind it, it's over. Let it go. Focus on finding someone you can trust, or just finding happiness day to day in small, or big, ways until you do.

[mrvaughn]

Why are you spending so much time trying to figure out someone who is such a liar. There is an irrational quality to her actions and you will drive yourself nuts. No mystery here. She isn't a sincere person and you can't expect her words or actions to have integrity. Whatever was behind it, it's over. Let it go. Focus on finding someone you can trust, or just finding happiness day to day in small, or big, ways until you do.

 

It did drive me nuts

 

But, yeah she is a liar & trying to make sense of what she did is pointless. There is no way I could be with someone like that. You are right about her words/actions having no integrity.

 

She hurt me a lot & even tried to place the blame on me. How hurtful can you be to someone who's only mistake was to love you, and want to do things right by both of us.

 

I am definitely in a better place about it all now. It was just a very confusing time in my life as she appeared to be this great person, and then she/it all changed entirely.

 

I was always honest and she always lied. It was bound to blow up. I'm a million times better than her anyway. She is obviously too damaged to see what she had in front of her.

 

You know what...

 

Here's the answer to the mystery:

 

She's a bad person with a bad personality...She sucks at being a decent person and excels at being a lying, manipulative, evil little sh*t

 

Truer words never spoken

[mrvaughn]

Could it be she had a personality disorder?

 

Unless these people are willing to change- I doubt there's any point going after the mystery.

 

I think (after looking into it before) she has many traits of a Sociopath, Narcissism and Antisocial Personality Disorder. There are a lot of symptoms shared....a LOT!

 

I hoped that I could 'fix' her, but what I need to recognise is that she cannot be 'fixed'. She has a condition that I cannot help (or would want to now)

 

The main thing is her lack of empathy. As it says in my sig below:

 

"I was so careful about what i was saying and it would have resonated with anyone who had a heart". She lacks empathy it would seem.

 

Dodged a bullet

[mrvaughn]

Why are you spending so much time trying to figure out someone who is such a liar.

 

I guess part of it has been that I obsessed about it all a little too much. Like what she did didn't matter at the time bcoz I loved her & that was it. I thought we'd get through this rough patch and it would all be fine.

 

I didn't want to be to blame. Now that she says the kid died, that 0.0001% of doubt is gone and I know she messed me about.

 

She does have a personality disorder, but I think she's also simply a bad person on top of that too.

 

I also hate that she was able to have this hold on me, when all she did was to treat me badly. I saw the red flags & should have stopped it there and then.

 

Instead I asked not to be kept in the dark and wanted to talk about it. She couldn't even do this simple thing & claimed "I don't like to talk about my feelings. I used to be able to talk to my gran about this stuff, but she's gone now"

 

What a load of bull...She didn't have problems telling me all sorts of things when we were just friends.

 

Why did I have to fall for her? I feel like an idiot...the signs were there ](*,)