Superman87 Posted February 1, 2010 Share Posted February 1, 2010 Does this all seem a little to much? I have found a valentines day card with an elephant on the front (I know she loves elephants) so I am going to send that. She loves diet coke, so I have managed to find some limited edition Ugly Betty bottles (which have the initial B on them, her name happens to begin with B). I am also going to send flowers (I sent them when we were going through the break-up and after we met a couple of weeks ago she said she loved them, but thought it wasnt me being me and I only sent them cos we were breaking up. Hopefully this will show her that I genuinely want to romance her). The last bit is I was going to include a copy of Alicia Keys new song "Doesnt mean anything, now that your gone" which pretty much sums up how I feel about the situation. We left our last meet that we both needed to go away and think about what it is we want and feel. Perhaps I could write in the card "I couldnt have said anything better than the lyrics to this". When I read it back it all seems alot? But we have been in contact and she has told me she loves me, misses me, still finds me attractive etc? Link to comment
JBaker Posted February 1, 2010 Share Posted February 1, 2010 I would avoid adding the song. You don't want to make her feel guilty (for hurting you). Giving her the lyrics to a sad song saying that your life is missing something without her would show her you are still hurt. Link to comment
Superman87 Posted February 1, 2010 Share Posted February 1, 2010 Cheers JB, I think I knew that anyway but just wanted someone to confirm it. Considering the situation I'd say the card, coke and flowers are more than enough. Link to comment
JBaker Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 Yes. Those should be nice. A nice gesture, but nothing too fancy. Enough to say you are thinking about her, but not so much that you are saying that you cannot live without her or that you are trying to buy her affection. Link to comment
Diagonal Posted February 2, 2010 Author Share Posted February 2, 2010 Gotta agree with JB, superman. I'm still considering what I'm going to do.....it's tough. As we're getting on well (seeing each other again thursday), but I don't want to push it too much, but then I don't want to under do it. I think the middle ground is a safe bet then. As then I don't seem too stingy or cold and I'm not pressuring or embarrassing her with mass tokens of love. Errmmm...... Link to comment
JBaker Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 Think of a creative date that is specifically tailored to her personality. Something more exciting than dinner and a movie. Something thoughtful - something that shows you put thought and preparation. Link to comment
Tired Tiger Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 Unless you're dealing with Paris Hilton, thoughtfulness will always have more profound effect than quantity or expense. Maybe something creative and hand made... Link to comment
learning2relax Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 So a girl's perspective here......if you are at the front end of reconciling, don't overwhelm. As far as gifts, cards, flowers, etc.....something small and thoughtful. I thought the homemade card or card like you get as a kid in school was sweet and charming - maybe with a few of those little candy hearts with the little silly messages on them?? As far as what to do for a date? Do you know that you are going to go on a date? Have you discussed doing something or asked her if she would like to go out? If she says yes, then a nice dinner with a single rose? Nice, sweet, no pressure. Big fancy restaurant, a huge bouquet of roses, Lexus with bow, diamonds, etc.... WAYYYYY too much. I have to say that it is awfully "cute" to see guys talking through what to do. Nice to know that you guys actually think about this stuff and want to do it right. Now if mine would only think of me enough to consider doing anything........oops! Gotta stop that - on to healing myself! Link to comment
Diagonal Posted February 2, 2010 Author Share Posted February 2, 2010 Thanks people, great advice and discussion We're going to a concert on the 13th, although it may be moved to the 14th and possibly going to a different concert on the 15th. We're seeing if we can rekindle things, but at the moment, I just want to take it slowly and not do anything that smells too much of a date. I have a cute card picked out (not a valentines one, but one with a kitten on that looks like our cat that she misses) and I've got a little charity badge I'm going to put on the card. The badge is the badge I put on the first ever birthday card I bought her. She lost the badge, so this is a replacement and a nod to the past. I've got a little present planned too. We met over the internet and I've compiled all the emails before we met and am going to glue them page-for-page in the book she mentioned in the very first email she sent me. On top of that the book is my copy, which I bought from a thrift store in a place we went on a date to in the early days, plus a few other conntections I won't bore you with.... So that plus the card and badge, is a definite nod to the past, thoughtful, simple and not too over the top. What do people think? Link to comment
JBaker Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 So that plus the card and badge, is a definite nod to the past, thoughtful, simple and not too over the top. What do people think? I agree. Don't rely too much on the past, though. Consider something to emphasize the present or the future if you can. Or just something unrelated to the past. Those sound like some nice thoughtful gifts, though. Only you will know if she is likely to be receptive to such gifts. Link to comment
Diagonal Posted February 2, 2010 Author Share Posted February 2, 2010 Good idea. We're working for the future and I don't want to dwell too much on the past considering I ended up screwing up the relationship. That relationhship is done and it's about building a new one, so yeah....a more creative gift to focus on the present and future is more fitting. Thanks JB, I'll get my thinking cap out. Link to comment
JBaker Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 Good idea. We're working for the future and I don't want to dwell too much on the past considering I ended up screwing up the relationship. That relationhship is done and it's about building a new one, so yeah....a more creative gift to focus on the present and future is more fitting. Thanks JB, I'll get my thinking cap out. I think that you want to do a bit of both. Bringing up things from the past is great - it reminds her that at one time things were great and that she felt strongly for you. But you may want to do some things based in the present or the future as well. Let me try to help - I am usually good with such gestures (not to brag ). Does she have any plans for the near or distant future that you can reference? For instance, my ex was starting anatomy lab this semester and she likes christmas cookies. So I made her cadaver gingerbread men. She and her med student friend/new room mate loved them. It was a small but thoughtful, creative, and relevant gesture. Link to comment
learning2relax Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 That sounds really cute JBaker! Really cute. Link to comment
Tired Tiger Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 Nothing says "I Love You" like cadavers. Link to comment
Diagonal Posted February 2, 2010 Author Share Posted February 2, 2010 That is an awesome idea JB, let me have a think. I love baking too..... Let me think.... Link to comment
Superman87 Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 Argh! I am wondering whether I should re think my plan now, cheers guys LOL. The first valentines we spent together, I hid her a single rose behind her sofa and when I left told her to check behind the sofa. She absolutely loved it and even upto this year always reminded me about it. We were both 16 but perhaps if I could re-create something along those lines? Also what do you think would be acceptable to write in the card? I want to keep it as simple as possible and was considering writing Te Amo (I love you in Spanish) as we both took up Spanish speaking classes together. It's a good job this message board is here or else I'd have bought her the White House and wrapped it in a big red bow by now!! Link to comment
Speranza Posted February 5, 2010 Share Posted February 5, 2010 I pride myself on NOT being the neighborhood stalker. Why not just get a tee-shirt with that on? Guys, are any of you in the position of wondering whether or not to approach an Ex with the idea of getting back together? My Ex and I split in the summer, it was a communication thing and we are still very close and still flirty. Just not going out together... I suspect we are both in the 'What if s/he doesn't want to..?" zone. Of course I may be wrong - I do want to send a little something (probably just a card) but - if by any chance he ISN'T thinking that, will it freak him out? And if he IS thinking that, what do I need to put to encourage him to try again? (I know nobody has the answer to this but I do like to see how men's minds work... please help out!) Link to comment
Speranza Posted February 5, 2010 Share Posted February 5, 2010 Ha! He's just emailed me - "Just to say hi" - and I suddenly realised he's done it as a reply to an email of mine - one I sent in October... in which I discussed why relationships break down... Vairy eeentairesteenk!! lol Link to comment
Superman87 Posted February 5, 2010 Share Posted February 5, 2010 Speranza, I would like to get back with my ex at some point. When we met for the first time a couple of weeks back, she told me she still loved me, found me attractive etc so I dont think reconcilliation is out of the question completely. But she didnt give to much away and neither did I, probably because of the similar "What is s/he doesnt". The one thing I promised myself is that communication would be vital in my next relationship, it is the foundation to any successful relationship in my opinion. However I also dont want to scare her away by spurting out that I want her back. I am still undecided on the valentines day thing also. We never wished each other Happy Xmas or New Year and it wasnt even discussed when we first met up, so I could very possibly let Valentines Day slide also. I am sure she will be thinking about be on the day anyway. Such a hard decision to make... Link to comment
Diagonal Posted February 5, 2010 Author Share Posted February 5, 2010 Hey guys, An update on valentines for me. She is coming to a concert with me on the 13, but said it was a bit awkward, as she knows how I feel for her and she is still hurt. Now, while she agreed there was a possibility of us getting back together and things seem like they are moving forward nicely, she didn't want to rush anything and I got the feeling that doing something overly romantic wouldn't be productive in our current situation. So fo valentines I'm just going to write her a simple, non-valentines card to tell her I'm thinking about her. She's still coming to the concert (and one on the 15th) and we're still working and taking things slowly, but I just think a grand gesture at this stage would actually more likely embarrass her more and put unnecessary pressure on her than anything. All I'm saying is try and gauge her reaction on a valentines gesture. If you have any doubt, just keep it small and simple, I'd say. Link to comment
kvb10 Posted February 5, 2010 Share Posted February 5, 2010 Okay then I think low key is definitely the way to go. I'm rooting for you guys! Link to comment
JBaker Posted February 5, 2010 Share Posted February 5, 2010 Given the new developments you are probably right. Keep it small and simple. Link to comment
drewciouS281 Posted February 5, 2010 Share Posted February 5, 2010 My recommendation to you and i promise you this will work!!!! Take her to the concerts, have the time of your lives and act just like you did when you two first got together. DO NOT TALK ABOUT THE RELATIONSHIP AT ALL!!! Leave that away cause if you guys get back together, that past relationship is the past. If things work out, it will be a new beginning! Even if she starts talking about things of the past, tell her in a nice respectful way "hey, you dont have to talk about those things. Im becomming a better person now and want to prove it to you so lets just leave the past in the past, look forward to the future whatever it may bring and have fun!" I have passed this on to many friends, family as well as using it myself and it worked 100% of the time! Link to comment
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