Diagonal Posted January 31, 2010 Share Posted January 31, 2010 Hey guys, This is both a personal and general thread. Ok, I'm on LC with my ex and for those who know my situation (see signature or previous threads), I've been working on myself and we're moving forward to see if we can re-kindle things. So with Valentines coming up, what would people suggest I do? Leave it be or maybe get her a little card or something. She is coming to a concert with me on Feb 13 and also possibly to one on Feb 15 (neither were planned before the split, so she's going as she wants to), so this is complicated On a more general note, I'm sure others are in a similar situation to me, so adivce on both my situation and just generally, would be really useful. Thanks, Link to comment
red.ribbon Posted January 31, 2010 Share Posted January 31, 2010 It seems like things are going quite well for you and that it would be safe to do something small for her on Valentines day. Perhaps just a nice card that isn't even a Vday card, with something on the front that she likes....like a nice photo of a dog or something...haha that sounds weird, but I would be happy to receive a card with a dog on the front rather than an ugly cupid. Anyway! You could just write a little message, saying something light but that you're thinking of her today. Maybe leave it on her door step early in the morning so she receives it on time. As for me, I think you know a little about my situation. It's probably best I just leave it alone for the moment! What do you think? Link to comment
Diagonal Posted January 31, 2010 Author Share Posted January 31, 2010 Thanks for the advice. She would like that and it was kind of what I was thinking actually. As for you, I'd probably leave it, but maybe just a text or something, saying you're thinking of them. Link to comment
Superman87 Posted January 31, 2010 Share Posted January 31, 2010 I'll be leaving a card and maybe a single rose or flowers. If there is any time of the year where you can do something like this, then it has to be valentines day?! Link to comment
Spanky88 Posted January 31, 2010 Share Posted January 31, 2010 My ex and I have run into each other a couple times and started talking occasionally back and forth after 4 weeks apart with NC. She seems very sweet and receptive to our contact. Says she still has feelings for me. At first I was considering buying her a bunch of flowers and making a very detailed card which I would leave on her apartment doorstep. I don't want to give her the impression I'm waiting for her. I'm not content with being her "backup plan" or "safety net" so I'm just going to make her a modest card with a poem and well wishes. I'll probably leave it under her windshield wiper on her car at school (I see it all the time parked), so as not to have that awkward moment or make her feel pressured into doing or saying anything. Link to comment
kvb10 Posted January 31, 2010 Share Posted January 31, 2010 like a nice photo of a dog or something...haha that sounds weird lol, cute. But I agree... something funny. (most) women love a man that can make her laugh. Maybe you can do something lighthearted that is funny and not too serious. Link to comment
Diagonal Posted January 31, 2010 Author Share Posted January 31, 2010 lol, cute. But I agree... something funny. (most) women love a man that can make her laugh. Maybe you can do something lighthearted that is funny and not too serious. I actually make her laugh a lot, so I'm sure I can figure something out Thanks guys, Link to comment
kvb10 Posted January 31, 2010 Share Posted January 31, 2010 That's good. Same with my ex.. I can always make her laugh. In fact I met with one of our mutual friends last week and we had fun and I was telling her these funny stories. Then that same friend met with my ex a few days later and told her the same stories and she said my ex was laughing a lot. Even when we are apart I am still making her laugh! But... Im stopping asking why and just moving forward for now. What will be will be. Keep us updated on what you decide to do for Vday... Maybe it can give other people ideas who are in the same situation. Link to comment
JBaker Posted January 31, 2010 Share Posted January 31, 2010 I'm going to go against the grain a bit here and say that your situation allows for you to make more than just a small gesture. Let us look at the facts: - One large cause for the breakup was that she felt neglected - like you did not spend enough time/effort on her. - She wants to "rekindle" things with you (I believe rekindle was her wording, right?). A large or at least moderately sized gesture would help to show that your focus has shifted from career/hobbies to relationship. It can also go a long way toward "rekindling" those old feelings. Doing just a small gesture would not hurt you or anything - it would be fine. I just think that a grand gesture would be acceptable here. But I don't know exactly how far you two are in reconciliation. I have very much enjoyed following your story, by the way. Link to comment
Diagonal Posted January 31, 2010 Author Share Posted January 31, 2010 Interesting.... I do see where you're coming from and I think although the fact that neglect was the main issue here, I think a larger gesture could help me a lot. She has said the words "lets see if we can try to rekindle things", so maybe this is her way to say, 'go on impress me!'. Maybe? Thanks for keeping up to date with my story, I really appreciate it. Sometimes I feel a million miles away from reconciling with her, but then others times I can feel it's just around the corner. I guess we'll see. Thanks again for the post JBaker, it's been a great help. Link to comment
JBaker Posted January 31, 2010 Share Posted January 31, 2010 Interesting.... I do see where you're coming from and I think although the fact that neglect was the main issue here, I think a larger gesture could help me a lot. She has said the words "lets see if we can try to rekindle things", so maybe this is her way to say, 'go on impress me!'. Maybe? Thanks for keeping up to date with my story, I really appreciate it. Sometimes I feel a million miles away from reconciling with her, but then others times I can feel it's just around the corner. I guess we'll see. Thanks again for the post JBaker, it's been a great help. You are welcome. I am just glad that I can sometimes be a little help to people around here. "...is her way to say, 'on on impress me!'" --- This was exactly how I have read your situation to be. She has not closed the door on you two yet. She wants to see that this time around (if there is to be a this time around) your focus will be on her. Once things start to go well (I am confident for you) you can bring up this issue and ask her if there are things that you can do that will show her you care, &ct. As for the coming weeks. When I say a grand gesture I don't necessarily mean to buy her something expensive. Gift giving of that magnitude should wait until things are a little more progressed. What I mean by a grand gesture is to take her on a creative and well thought out date that is specifically catered to her personality. I don't know your lady so I don't have any suggestions. If you go this route, let me know what you come up with. Link to comment
JBaker Posted January 31, 2010 Share Posted January 31, 2010 My ex and I have run into each other a couple times and started talking occasionally back and forth after 4 weeks apart with NC. She seems very sweet and receptive to our contact. Says she still has feelings for me. At first I was considering buying her a bunch of flowers and making a very detailed card which I would leave on her apartment doorstep. I don't want to give her the impression I'm waiting for her. I'm not content with being her "backup plan" or "safety net" so I'm just going to make her a modest card with a poem and well wishes. I'll probably leave it under her windshield wiper on her car at school (I see it all the time parked), so as not to have that awkward moment or make her feel pressured into doing or saying anything. I don't know much about your situation, but I think that leaving it on her windshield would be a bad idea. It may come off as a bit stalker-esque. It shows her that you know where she is on certain days and at certain times. Link to comment
Diagonal Posted January 31, 2010 Author Share Posted January 31, 2010 That sounds like good advice JB I'll get my thinking cap on. I do have something planned for her actually but I think I'll see if I can come up with something else too. Thanks again Link to comment
JonasWaingaro Posted January 31, 2010 Share Posted January 31, 2010 I don't know about grand gestures yet. But your situation is very hopeful. I'd go with something very simple and sweet. I'd ask her if she would be your valentine. Perhaps make her a little card, like the ones from grade school. Yep, use the blunt scissors, glue and sparkles. Keep it simple, keep it from the heart. Link to comment
Tired Tiger Posted January 31, 2010 Share Posted January 31, 2010 Yeah, I'm not thinking that six dozen roses and a Lexus with a bow on the roof is the way to go. Not every kiss begins with Kay... Link to comment
Spanky88 Posted January 31, 2010 Share Posted January 31, 2010 I don't know much about your situation, but I think that leaving it on her windshield would be a bad idea. It may come off as a bit stalker-esque. It shows her that you know where she is on certain days and at certain times. We have class in the same building at the same time. We run into each other every time we have had class. The parking lot right outside the building is relatively small so we always see each other getting out of our vehicles. I don't know if that changes your outlook on the situation, but I'll keep your advice in mind, thanks. Link to comment
red.ribbon Posted January 31, 2010 Share Posted January 31, 2010 I don't know much about your situation, but I think that leaving it on her windshield would be a bad idea. It may come off as a bit stalker-esque. It shows her that you know where she is on certain days and at certain times. I don't think it seems stalker-ish.... Link to comment
Diagonal Posted February 1, 2010 Author Share Posted February 1, 2010 I don't either, not in your circumstances. It might be if you did it when she was parked out of town and she didn't let you know she was going to 'x', but I'd actually be more worried about it blowing off or someone stealing it! Link to comment
LoveSoDeep Posted February 1, 2010 Share Posted February 1, 2010 Okay...so we've talked about what the ladies might like...what about the guys? Is there something nice andnot too cheesey I can do for my ex? Seeing as how we aren't together and v-day is really for lovers/couples...is it weird if I get him a little something? I mean my dad always gives me a little something for v-day....just to be sweet in a non-romantic way and I think it's cute but what would a guy think? Link to comment
Diagonal Posted February 1, 2010 Author Share Posted February 1, 2010 Men are rubbish to buy for! I would suggest buying him a little something which shows a lot of thought and that you've been thinking about it. For me that might be a book my ex knows I would be like or something like that. You could put a little message inside etc. How about a piece of clothing. You could get him a nice shirt and say "you must wear it when we next go out". I know I would like that Any other men want to add anything? Link to comment
Spanky88 Posted February 1, 2010 Share Posted February 1, 2010 It wouldn't be any weirder than what some of us are doing for our ladies. Me personally...I'd love to receive a homemade Valentines Day card with a sweet message or poem in it. Something not too overly dramatic or romantic. Dunno if that would be a weird thing to give your man though. Link to comment
Diagonal Posted February 1, 2010 Author Share Posted February 1, 2010 Yeah a homemade card would be nice too Link to comment
LoveSoDeep Posted February 1, 2010 Share Posted February 1, 2010 Well his family is always giving cards so that wouldn't be too weird....but maybe not a v-day card just a cute one with a dog like his or mine....and maybe a DVD of a concert by his favorite artist. ...we went to the concert live (seriously the best night of my 2009) but it might be nice for him to be able to watch it anytime. Thanks you guys ROCK! Link to comment
JBaker Posted February 1, 2010 Share Posted February 1, 2010 We have class in the same building at the same time. We run into each other every time we have had class. The parking lot right outside the building is relatively small so we always see each other getting out of our vehicles. I don't know if that changes your outlook on the situation, but I'll keep your advice in mind, thanks. Actually, that changes everything. That would be perfectly fine. I was under the impression that you just knew where she parked - not that she knows that you know. Nevermind Link to comment
Spanky88 Posted February 1, 2010 Share Posted February 1, 2010 Actually, that changes everything. That would be perfectly fine. I was under the impression that you just knew where she parked - not that she knows that you know. Nevermind I pride myself on NOT being the neighborhood stalker. Link to comment
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