dolcedolore Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 I'm in this wonderful new relationship with this great guy. Obviously he's not perfect, but he treats me so well, gets along with my friends, he's serious about me, and we have a lot in common. It's great. There are quite a few concerns that I have though. He was my first, but he's had three partners before me. Let's just say... the guy knows what he's doing. We've had sex four times now and yeah, I can tell that in the future, the sex will really be great. We're very open about everything and we talked a lot about sex before hand and even now. He has always wanted me to be able to orgasm, says that's the goal, and I could tell he was really working towards that today. He thinks that I won't be able to though until I'm really trusting with him not only in our relationship but also sexually. I think he's right (and today there were other problems... such as my roommate coming home and myself knowing she's in the other room lol). Anyway, I'm extremely tight apparently even though I'm not still a virgin and it really hurt a lot this time. It feels like tearing around the opening. I think I was really tense today due to the roommate, but I'm guessing I need lube? Another problem I'm having is... he's really not good with foreplay. Before we had sex he was fine with that, with making me comfortable, etc., but now we just go at it. Every time we start, I think it's going to last awhile and the next thing I know he's inside me (don't think he takes advantage, he is very respectful and asks permission all the time)! Today he finally admitted to me that he really doesn't like making out. He says he likes kissing, but just short ones, that he's a bit self-conscious about his breath and teeth, and that it just gets boring. I like making out! I like foreplay! He's great with cuddling and says he loves it (and I can tell) but that has no correlation before we have sex! I don't know what to do and I have talked about how I do need foreplay. I'm wondering if that's why it hurt so much today because we pretty much went right in for sex. I mean like... the "foreplay" lasts all of five minutes tops and mainly consists of undressing. So what can I do? I'm certain that the sex will be great once I can let go and it doesn't hurt so much when he's first penetrating, but I want the foreplay! Any suggestions? Part of the problem I think (and from what he's said to me) is that he pretty much gets hard as soon as he walks into the room. Yeah, I guess that's a compliment, but it's getting annoying because I like suspense and build up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greywolf Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 I think your bf needs to go a lot slower. It took me about 7 days (and trying almost twice a day), before sex stopped hurting for me. Get some lube. It'll help a lot. And ask him to go down on you first. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
citymouse Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 Let's just say... the guy knows what he's doing. . If there is little or no foreplay, then.... he doesn't really know what he is doing. You'll have to speak up more. It sounds like he wants to please you and that is half the battle. You just need to educate him on the whole foreplay issue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
His Annamchara Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 Well he has your orgasm as a goal... I find that it's easier to reach that goal if there is a lot of foreplay before hand so the body is really wanting. Maybe you could tell him that if there isn't enough foreplay that there is no chance of reaching orgasm. that may make him rethink his position on the making out and foreplay issue lol If that's not the case... what he doesn't know cant hurt him, especially where the female body is concerned. lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dolcedolore Posted January 13, 2010 Author Share Posted January 13, 2010 Well, when we DO actually have foreplay (which only happened the times before the first time we had sex really..) it was great. And when it comes to the actual sex, the guy is great. I actually did tell him right after sex today that I wouldn't be able to orgasm without lots of foreplay. I've said stuff like that before so we'll see if it sticks or not. I don't know if he even realizes that he's going so fast when we're in the moment; he just likes to jump right in, and me being so tight and sore now, that just doesn't work. How should I go about the whole educating him about the whole foreplay thing? I've been very open with him about it and yet this has been the fourth time we've had sex with no foreplay, so I'm getting pretty frustrated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
His Annamchara Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 I had my guy read a lot of websites on foreplay, pleasing me, etc. Even-though he hates reading, there were plenty of helpful diagrams for him lol that seemed to help him a lot. Maybe he doesn't do it because his previous relationships didn't require that of him so even if he's great at sex, he may be too afraid to perform foreplay simply because he might not know what the hell he's really doing... or past what he's already done when it was performed as you stated. link removed link removed (tip 1 is especially humorous in your situation) link removed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iridethedirt Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 Agreed... No foreplay=not doing it right/doesn't really know what he is doing. I have been in his shoes... In a way it's sort of a compliment, like you said he's hard for you right away. BUT, foreplay is a funny word with a wide variety of definitions. My wife has half jokingly told me that me doing the dishes and other housework is great foreplay! But seriously though, he should be touching you, rubbing your body, kissing you all over and so on... Maybe tell him you think the best way for you to reach orgasm would be for him to do the previously mentioned foreplay activities to the point where you are... Well not to get too crude, but to the point where you are nearly begging for him to be inside you... In my experiance, that method almost always gets the job done. Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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