7 years an done

[AN2004]

I just recently was told it was done by my now ex-girlfriend. We had been on and off for the past 7 years. Heres where my problems lay. We took the time off last year to see if we should be together and then we got back together. Over the last 4 months we had been doing everything together. We both seemed to be very happy. Looking at homes and I actually went out and bought a ring.

 

Then three days after we last had sex, (this wasnt just break up sex either, as we were out to a romatic dinner that night and were holding hands etc.) she calls me and says 'I have something to tell you... I am seeing someone else' This is what has been bothering me for awhile, I just dont get it. Am I so blind to see that maybe I was seeing the relationship going somewhere it wasnt?

 

Anyway, I havent broken off contact with her (big mistake) because we have some business dealings together. It just tears me up that she is seeing this new guy (she seems to be partying alot/drinking which she hadnt done alot in the past) So should I just cut my losses on the business dealings and never talk to her again? I feel so stupid, because even though I know I shouldnt I feel if she told me today she wanted me back I would go. help?

[BreArna]

Sounds like she was playing you , sorry to say.. like she was going out having fun with you and all that so she wouldnt be alone then she got a man and was done with you. Id probably cut my losses if i were you, but thats hard when everything is so fresh for you. You shouldnt feel stupid tho cos its not your fault. Hope you feel better soon!

[makaw]

Speaking from a five year yo-yo relationship such as yours, it's time to go. I'm sorry to say it, but if you two have not cemented your relationship by now, it's not going to happen.....ever. I agree with the previous post, it sounds as though she's been using you whenever it's convenient. The big problem is, you've let her.

 

I did the same thing so don't feel you're the only person who's ever hung in there. Love makes us do strange things. Perhaps you are in love more with the IDEA of a relationship than the actual relationship itself. Take some time to think about it. You need to remove yourself from contact with this woman, right now, and completely. You obviously have more invested in it than she does. During the time you are apart, try to really learn some things about yourself. What has REALLY held you to the relationship? What do YOU really want in a relationship? Are you finding those things in this relationship? If not, move on. Seven years is too much time to waste on an unfulling relationship.

 

As far as the business connections are concerned, I would try to find a way to either sell your part of the business or communicate with her only through writing. Be sure you concentrate ONLY on the business, nothing personal. If she brings up personal issues, just ignore them and address only the business. Ideally, I would try to sever the business ties altogether but unfortunately, that is not always possible. You're the only one to decide that.

 

I hope this has given you some help. I held on to my five year relationship for dear life and after it ended I realized just how one-sided it had been. I was too in love with the idea of the relationship to really see the true picture. Perhaps that is the same with you. Take some time to really assess. Good luck.

[bzborow1]

I agree with all the posters on the topic thus far, you need to just cut your losses. It seems obvious to me that she was unhappy for a while but was just staying in to be part of a relationship because she couldn't stand to be alone, but that's her problem....not yours. Don't go analyzing what you could have done, or should have, because inevitably you would have just ended up pandering to her needs to keep her from leaving anyways.

 

As for the business dealings, depending on the type of dealing and the money involved i would not just "cut my losses". Sell your half, or just do what the previous poster suggested and stick to letters, emails, and only to discuss the business.

[AN2004]

Why I am having such a hard time with all of this, is that she was my best friend right up till the end. I am friends with her family, brother etc. Went on family outings with them right up till the end. I now have none of that, and it was a major part of my life.

 

I just get so pissed off that I was probably working a lot harder on this whole thing than she was. I havent been able to function properly since all this happened. I was up for a big promotion, which I have probably lost since I was so shaken up when I had the interview. I've never really lost like this and it sucks. I always went under the 'if you work hard enough at anything, you can achieve it' This is not the case here.

[bzborow1]

I know what you're going through as I've been in a 5 year relationship that ended in the same way as yours, and I know it's tough. The reason it's so hard at first is that you are so used to the lifestyle, I mean seven years is a significant amount of time to be with anyone.

 

For me the toughest part was redefining myself. After spending so much time with someone, and to be hit with a bombshell like you were, it leaves you sitting there wonder what you're going to do because she was your life. So my advice to you would be to find some hobbies you like to do, or some ones you'd like to try, and do them. Get out and meet new people. For the immediate emotions, as well as long term health, I would suggest going for walks//jogs//gym regularly...they really help clear your head if even for a little while.

 

If there is an upside you can take this lesson, learn from it, and try and get your "game" back. In that respect, did you always give her what she wanted? Be her doormat...so to speak? Because women love "challenges".

[gizza]

i come to the conclusion that relationships just suck , i know that sounds harsh but so many of us hurt so much because of other peoples feelings towards us .

 

It seems that guys just are'nt emotionally as tough as our woman folk .

 

I do agree with all the posts that say move on etc but its just not that easy is it ?

 

I once knew a guy that was adament that relationships can never last & any that do are based on one or both parties being scared of the future, at the time i thought he was just bitter & twisted about his lot ,, but years later i can see where he was coming from !

 

only advise i can give is be yourself & act with pride , no begging , just say thats that over with then & take it day by day . be as strong as you can be

[densil]

I kinda know what you mean about relationships. And I am desperately trying to get out of this hole! It is literally hell on earth! But then when I ask myself. "Knowing what I know now, would I do it all again?" and the answer is most definetly yes!!! Maybe me being illogical, but i dont regret any of it.

 

Steve

[gizza]

steve , you made me think , would i do it all again ? if i know this would be the outcome? i like to think not but thats with hindsight & knowing the problems i have now . i suppose its the old 'better to have loved & lost than to have never loved at all' thing . it kinda works if i think of it that way , but i guess people that have never really loved & lost dont feel the pain of something they never had. Its just so tough at the moment , i'd settle for for the later i think !