Age Difference

[gounc1]

I have an issuse with a girl that I am interested in. We have strong chemistry between us. I am 29 and she is 37. She also has 3 kids and she is recently devorced. There are actually 2 stipulations involved here. The first is that she is friends with my ex who now lives with her new bf. The other she said was the age difference. I dated a girl about 1 1/2 years ago that was 10 years older than me. We were a great couple unfortunately I was still in love with my ex and we got back together. I do understand the friends part, but still at this point it should not make that much of a difference I think. I think she is worried that I maybe looking for a rebound relationship and I am not. Then she brought up the age difference and I said does the age really make a difference and she went back to the friendship thing. Any ideas??

[laurag78]

I really don't think that age matters at all, unless you are under legal age ofcourse. In your situation, it probably has to do more with the fact that she is friends with your ex. I understand her point, since i would never date my friends ex.

 

How good of friends are they? How does your ex feel about the whole thing? Do u think that she would be okay with it?

 

When u say that there is chemistry, have you been together?

 

Perhaps she doesn't feel the same. You need to talk and lay your feelings on the table and see what there is. Good Luck

[gounc1]

laurag78,

 

It all came out of the bag this past Friday. We went out with some friends to a block party and at the end of the night I walked her to her front door and she ended up kissing me. We have innocently flirted for the past year. Nothing ever happened though. She and my ex are friends, but not the kind that really hang out or do much together. They just talk on the phone some. I don't know how my ex would feel about this I don't know if I should even bring it up to her.

[charmed]

Hi Gounc1,

 

She is using the friends thing to stop the conversation. While it probably isn't an issue for you - and perhaps not even for her, she has discarded the age thing herself - that is not an issue !!! So forget about that.

 

The friends thing is a little more complicated. With your ex in the circle there, it's going to be difficult. I really don't know enough about the group of them to say what to do, but you need to figure out a way that makes your relationship acceptable in her eyes, and more in your ex's eyes.

This new girl is surely conscious that your ex is watching here every move here, and she at least values what your ex thinks which is a good sign of her being a good and honest person.

 

Figure out a way that you guys being together would be ok concerning the friendship circle there. Do you think your ex would be cool about you anc this girl being together - and I mean really cool? Because that is what this new girl is surely most conscious about.

 

~

[gounc1]

charmed,

 

I think my ex would be cool with it. Me and my ex were together for 12 years so we are still very good friends. My ex and this girl are not that good of friends. They talk every now and then and they play on a beach v-ball team together and thats about it. I even thought about discussing this with my ex, but I don't know if that would be a good idea. I just hate to think that the chemistry is there and the only reason nothing can happen is because of my ex. I agree with you that it does show she is a trusting person because she cares what my ex thinks.

[charmed]

Hey Gounc1,

 

OK - Well then this chick is using your ex as an excuse because she is either unsure about what she wants, or she genuinely believes that you ex would have a problem with you guys getting together.

 

Eitherway, you are going to have to figure out a way around it. Probably spending time together and refining your interest in her will at least let her know that you are serious, and the rest is really up to her. Don't force her, as she is uncertain here and needs to get this together in her own head.

 

Good luck,

 

~

[gounc1]

charmed,

 

Do you think it is something that I should discuss with my ex? I think that she may also be worried about being that rebound girl. I do not feel that way about her at all plus my ex is now living with the guy. I don't know if that really makes a difference or not. I know this girl does not know this yet. Should I make it known to her my ex is living with this guy?

[charmed]

Hi Gounc1,

 

If you could talk to your ex about this, and have a successful conversation, then it may well be a solution.

 

It puts you in a position whereby the next time you and the new girl have a conversation about the two of you, on she bringing up your ex as an excuse, you can say "well actually Ex was wishing me the best of luck to get this together" or something to that effect !

 

So, Yes ! Perhaps that would be a good move. Eitherway, it helps you eliminate her fears of the ex from her excuses and you might get a result out of it !

 

~