Help!! I need assurance that NC is the right thing!!

[holidaybluze]

This is my first post here.

 

My boyfriend broke up with me about 4 months ago. He has since started seeing someone else but keeps in constant contact with me. Saying he misses me etc. I have been being very foolish and have been nice to him hoping that he would end things with the new girl. He is still with her and I can only assume he is just loving having his cake and eating it too. I finally had enough when he called me yesterday morning on the way to work. The day before, he had completely ignored me the whole day. This has become his pattern when he has plans with the new gf, he will pull away the day he is seeing her. However the next day he always comes back as though nothing has happened. Stupid me just keeps talking to him. So when he called yesterday morning he obviously did after he had just left her house seeing as he has to leave from there about 45 minutes earlier than he would from his own house. I can't believe he would do that. It makes me feel terrible for her. I am sure she has no clue. He usually calls about 7:45, he called yesteday at 7:15. I didnt answer and let it go to my voicemail.

 

I finally had it out with him last night and told him he can't have it both ways. If he wants to be just "friends" he has to behave in that manner. He completely tried to turn it around on me and say I was the one that had the problem and that I was overacting. Basically in not so many words just deal with it. He says things aren't serious with her at all. Her facebook status went from "single" to "in a relationhip" then the next day back to "single" again. That was about 2 months ago but they are still together. Seems like he is jerking us both around.

 

I told him I wanted NC and we can see how things are after the holidays. He put the ball in my court saying "well it was your choice not to have contact so don't expect me to get in touch with you". That I will have to contact him if I want to talk!! Like everything is all my fault??? Is this a common tactic?? He tries to put everything off on me and takes ZERO responsilbility for anything!! Is it possible for me to have closure this way even without him being accountable for any of his actions??

 

HELP

[Moontiger]

I think you are completely right by saying he wants to have his cake and eat it to. He wants to have some kind a casual relationship with this other girl but still have you around.

 

You are completely right to go NC. Dont let him mess with your head by blaming you. Do what is going to be healthiest for you. Stay strong!

[holidaybluze]

I think you are completely right by saying he wants to have his cake and eat it to. He wants to have some kind a casual relationship with this other girl but still have you around.

 

You are completely right to go NC. Dont let him mess with your head by blaming you. Do what is going to be healthiest for you. Stay strong!

Thank you! I will never see him the same way again. He will just do to me what he is doing to her. I just want to get over feeling like crap. I know he is moving on with his life without any regard for me at all. I am trying to do the same thing but it's so hard!

[Sparrowhawk]

I second moontiger. Stick to NC! I'm glad you can see him in a different light now. You DON'T deserve to be treated poorly. One foot in front of the other, holidaybluze! Do things you enjoy, take care of yourself, celebrate what a smart woman you are for seeing things the way they are . . . and move on!

 

You CAN do it!

 

Hang in there!

 

SH

[holidaybluze]

Thanks for writing back you guys! I just wish I could make time move faster. I know he is a jerk and I long for the time that I can see things more in perspective and don't hurt anymore. He isn't worth it. I have had boyfriends in my life and have been through a divorce but I have never had anyone treat me the way that he has. Hard lesson to learn.

[Moontiger]

I know how you feel. I am still not completely over my ex and I still hurt when I think about him. The longer you stay NC the better. it will let you focus on yourslef. SH is completely right in my opinion.

[holidaybluze]

I can't see how he won't take ANY responsibility for his actions. Do you think deep down he knows he is wrong trying to keep me in his life "on the side" while he has a girlfriend? Or is it that he doesn't really care about my feelings at all and is just looking out for his own selfish needs?

[holidaybluze]

Tomorrow will be my 3rd day of no contact. I'm feeling sad but relieved. Is second guessing your decision to go NC a normal part of the process? It is just fighting the urge to contact when the feelings creep in. I bought a book called "Do Not Call That Man". I have found it very helpful. It has two chapters on ambivalent men. I would suggest it to anyone!