I just realized after 6 months..

[INeedHelpFast]

I JUST realized..

 

when my ex broke up with me the first time, she gave me the reason of her needing to "find herself". It was funny how that happened right after she met another guy. That first time we broke up, I begged and begged, and she still left. And when she came back a month later, guess what.. I STUPIDLY took her back. I cannot believe how stupid I was. I should have said no right then. But no, I took her back. and then what happened was.. she kept that other guy as a friend, and me as a "bf" but I only felt second best. I felt uncomfortable with him in the picture as he kept flirting with her and it made me uncomfortable, as would anyone (and I put up with this crap for almost 2 years), and she couldn't respect my decision of her cutting contact with him, and I broke up with her.

 

Moral of the story, After the first break up, I was just USED. I feel used in the sense that I was just some sort of "security". Well f*** her! Sorry for venting , I'm just furious.

 

I don't usually hurt people that hurt me, because I believe in karma, but where is her "karma" for hurting me? It has been 6 months since I have talked to her, and I don't plan on talking to her. And to think, when I DID talk to her, she played it off as she was some sort of a gift.. she said "don't worry, soon enough we'll be able to be friends, you'll be okay" ....

 

what do you guys think? Don't ever talk to her again right? If I see her in public, avoid her very existence? Or should I just play it cool and just consider myself a fool. This girl was my first gf and I was her first bf, first love (maybe it was just lust who knows), but I really really cared for her, and it obviously wasn't reciprocated.

[Hopeless1234]

i wouldn't talk to her again. unless she came back begging you to take her back and that she'll cut off all communication with this other guy, i would ignore all communication from her. even then, i'd be a bit wary.

 

i know it sucks and i wish i could say that you'll never get "used" or mistreated like this again. however, it'll happen again and again until you meet that "right" person. it's hard, but you gotta dust yourself off and believe that what doesn't kill you, will only make you stronger. there really is no other viable option.

[INeedHelpFast]

i wouldn't talk to her again. unless she came back begging you to take her back and that she'll cut off all communication with this other guy, i would ignore all communication from her. even then, i'd be a bit wary.

 

i know it sucks and i wish i could say that you'll never get "used" or mistreated like this again. however, it'll happen again and again until you meet that "right" person. it's hard, but you gotta dust yourself off and believe that what doesn't kill you, will only make you stronger. there really is no other viable option.

 

 

thanks for the input, if she does come back asking to be friends, do i just say no? it seems a bit hard to completely cut someone out of your life for good, but at the same time, I guess me being friends with her and whatever is going on with that guy is "the best of both worlds" for her. Unless, if she were to come back and ask to stay friends.. and I said yes, but never initiate anything. I'm dead set on not getting back with her, so her begging is not an issue.

 

It seems as though lately, (6 months later), im still making those subtle attempts to get my "revenge".. may showing up in a place where she will be and just hoping to blatantly ignore her. But at the same time, I didn't do anything wrong in the relationship (in response to her "emotionally cheating") so I feel like God has to take care of it. Not really sure what approach to take.

[SushiOji]

The best way I think of of the "friends" thing is put yourself in her shoes. When she is lonely and needs someone to shoot the * * * * with she will call you or whatever just to feel good for whatever reason and then go back to whatever guy she has in the picture (i.e. not you) and then you'll see why you shouldn't be friends.

[rigguy]

Good point SushiOji, have not and would not be a friend to an ex (probably my personality issue, think it's great if you can make friendship work). More I think about it more I am convinced my recent ex had a guy "friend" on a back burner.

[jc123]

i think you should have known early on that she wasnt going to let this guy go. i believe you should cut contact with her. she obviously was more into this guy and to an extent you were used. but later on, you let yourself be used. you should not be in contact with her as i think even as friends you will still feel the bitterness and anger towards her. you will move on from this.

[INeedHelpFast]

yeah I guess I shouldn't. I was thinking from the perspective of having her around whenever I needed someone to talk to, but that probably isn't a good idea. I still don't feel a sense of satisfaction after breaking up with her. But then again, after I broke up with her for a good reason, I tried going back to her because I was caught up in feelings. Yet, I don't feel a sense of satisfaction or a sense of "being even" , I feel like she should be put in my position (competing for 1st place), and I should have a better person in my life. I feel a sense to "rush" things just so I can prove to her that my life is indeed better off without her and for some reason, I feel like the only way I can do this is to find another girl.

 

I felt a sense of superiority after breaking up with her. A sense of satisfaction in the sense that I deserved better, but suddenly I feel the need to compete, and it makes me restless.

[bish0p2004]

I'm reading through your threads, INeedHelpFast, and our situations are very similar. I broke up with my ex (not for the same reasons as you) and I feel like she has attempted to do things to try and make me jealous. She created a Facebook account and sent me a friend request just to show off her new pictures with her new guy...I was paranoid enough to reject the request, but she later told me about them.

 

She has tried to contact me again, but I told her that I'm not playing this game with her. Since I was the dumper, I feel bad for ignoring her, but I feel like I might have to if she tries to contact me again.

 

Anyway, the only thing you can do, and I know this has been mentioned many times, is move on. I wouldn't even try to be friends with her at least for a couple of years from now, or if you've moved on completely (i.e. have someone else that you really care about). Even if she begged to come back in your life right now, I would still be paranoid of her intentions.

[INeedHelpFast]

Thats so cruel of her! lol Even if she begged to come back into my life, I wouldn't hesitate with my answer of saying no, so thats not much of a concern anymore. Its just the topic of keeping ties you know? But at the same time all the anger inside me just fuels me to ignore her very existence. I guess I'm just thinking way ahead of myself since her contacting me hasn't happened, but then again it may not. What do you do about the "rush" or the competition feeling? Or is that just me?