Really Really Hurt and Confused!!!!!

[Aussieguy]

About 6 weeks ago my Ex G/F broke up with me after 2 and a half years together. When we got tegether she was 15 and i was 21 and i was nervous about us going out because of the age difference, but when i first saw her which was when she was just 14 i fell in love at first sight (Which i never believed in) and i KNEW i was going to marry her which totally freaked me out at the time.

 

Anyway about 7 months before we broke up she moved in with me and my family and everything was great, then suddenly the break up happened, her reasons being she didn't want a relationship anymore, and she didn't know whether she loved me or not because she liked another guy.

 

She stayed with me for about a week after we broke up in the spare room because i didn't want to throw her out cause she had nowhere to go (She doesn't get along with her mother) but having her in the house really hurt especially when i would let her take my car all the time and then telling me she was going out with this other guy who just happened to be twice her age at 34.

 

So after i told her to leave she went and lived with the other guy and his friends, this really hurt especially when she told me they were having sex although she would always tell me there was no chemistry between them like there was with us.

 

I would either talk or see her every 3-4 days and each time she would seem less distant then what she was at the start of the break up. After 3 weeks she broke up with him and rang me to come get her and asked if she could stay with me for the night. I asked her if she wanted to sleep in the spare room and she immediately said she wanted to sleep in my bed which i was ok with me.

 

Nothing happened that night except for me kissing her which see recipricated and me giving her oral sex. She stayed with me for another week in which we had sex 3 times, until she found a house to rent with that other guy and some other guy who she was friends with.

 

Anyway they moved in together, and she kept suggesting i move in with her, but i thought it would be to uncomfortable. She kept insisting she just wanted to be "Lovers" and nothing more and that there was a 50% chance we would get back together. After a week i noticed she wasn't holding my hand and cuddling and kissing me as much as the week before and eventually she told me she just wants to be normal friends and so now am really hurt and have found out she now likes the other other guy and they have been kissing and such and i don't know what to do.

 

I don't know what to do because i feel we are still meant to be together!!!

 

Any suggestions????

 

P.S sorry about the long story!!!!!

[SweetGemini]

Hey aussieguy,

 

How are yah? hmm sticky situation huh? Well man, i cant understand how u can put up with her disgusting behaviour.. if i was u there would be no way i would let her back in my life after treating me like that! yeah it hurts but man dont lower urself to her level, hold ur head up high and start reinventing yourself, and u will find someone that would love and adore you!! and RESPECT you!! this chick does NOT respect you!!

 

Do yourself a favor and cut all ties with her!! LET HER GO and MOVE ON!! LIFE is too beautiful to waste!!

 

All the best mate!

[Belinda]

All I can say is people change. Especially young people. She's completely gone through puberty now, and of course thats one obvious change, but during puberty the brain changes too. As do peoples tastes etc. She might not see the relationship as clearly as you have, as you've always seen it through adult eyes.

As much as it is kind of rude, and not my place to say, but her sexual promisquity is gonna kick your ass emotionally if you get with her again. I suggest if you cant be with her completely, you should not be with her at all, in that way. It will end up hurting you too much.

A percentage change at getting back together, as far as I have experienced may as well translate into "I dont want to be with you in the long run, I dont love you, but I dont want to hurt you. Il give you a chance, on the whim I change my mind"

Love is not like that. When youre in love you know about it. You dont doubt it, or give it a percentage marking, then test it with sexual activity.

Love isnt physical. The physical is just a repercussion of love.

You have to realise though, that the girl you feel in love with, may not be the girl you are in love with now. She's becoming an adult now.

[Mar]

I hate to tell you, but she's just using you right now, and I think her age and immaturity have a lot to do with it. She basically said as much, in telling you that there wasn't chemistry with this other guy that there was with you-why do you think she keeps wanting to sleep with you?

 

Have a little pride, though. Move in with her and this new guy? I wouldn't think of doing that in a million years! She just about said you'd be her convenient sex toy and nothing else. Her doormat when she needs a shoulder or your car or some sex or some money. There's a name for that, and it's not a very nice one!

 

Let this girl go and let her make it on her own. If she was so determined to break up with you and throw away a good relationship because she wasn't sure if she wanted to be with you, then that was her choice. You can do so much better than this child, this little girl, who apparently just wants to have multiple partners without the commitment! And yes, that sounds harsh-but I think the age difference does play a big factor in this and she needs to learn a little bit about relationships first before she can learn how to commit to someone long-term without breaking their heart. I'd hate for you to be that person!

 

Mar

[TrueHeart]

I agree 100% with the past 2 posts. I'd like to elaborate:

 

Firstly, of course your hurt.. You've been betrayed and baited back, and betrayed again.. I indefinitely agree that you should stop contact... This will hurt, but think of it this way.. Her 50/50 guarentee is no guarentee at all... nothing but heartache. Its hard, but you cannot allow yourself to go through that.

 

If she's sleeping with this guy, and sleeping with you... who knows what this guy has, and who HE's been with? Do you want to put yourself at a sexual risk of getting a STD or anything? Right there, she doesn't respect you by using you as an emotional hanky. Differences with the "chemistry" thing with this guy... plainly.. she's comfortable with YOU... so shes taking advantage of you there... I agree, she is not the person you fell in love with, you need to just accept that as hard as it is. She has insulted your home and mistook your kindness for weakness...

 

Cut all ties my friend... you'll see you'll be better off with someone who will respect you, and find someone who is on your same mentality... Hang in there... You'll get through this.. Just stay tuned here to friends that have gone through the same thing!

[Aussieguy]

Thanks everyone, very good advice, but very hard to accept.

 

I actually told her last week i didn't wanna see her anymore, and guess how long that lasted???? 3 days and i was back, and the only reason i lasted that long was because i was thinking that she would be missing me just as much, but when i saw her she bluntly said she wasn't and then told me about how she likes the other guy she lives with.

 

The thing is though she has always told me and still does that no one has loved her more then i have, parents included and i don't want her to lose me because she trusts me and values my opinions more then anyone else, and if i walked away from her i would be doing exactly what her parents did to her.

 

I know i can get over her, but the problem is this feeling i have that we are meant to be together, it just won't go away, and i am scared that when i fall out of love with her i might realise that she is a total bitch and i don't wanna think that about her, especially her being my first love.

 

I am a very emotional person and get hurt easily, but my problem is i am too caring which i sometimes wish i wasn't, and i like making people happy even if it hurts me in doing so, i wanna find someone else, but i am scared i will compare her with my ex which isn't fair to her and then just use her to get over my ex, and that is just not me.

 

I am a decent looking guy and have been told by some female friends that i could get a girl just like that, but i am not ready to find someone else, but at the same time i want someone else.

 

It is all very confusing!!!!!

 

Thanks again for all the advice guys.

[dikaia880]

Sorry about the hardship bro...but we're all here going through the same, it's tough be we all will get through it....

 

This girl, is not worth your time...she is using you and you can let yourselve be her rock because no one else has in her life...

go out and date, don't get into anything serious for now that will come with time, but go out and have fun...You will compare others to your ex, I do in my case that makes it hard to find someone...In your case comparing other girls to your ex will make them seem great (and your exposure your ex for what she really is, a munipulative, immature girl who is using you)

 

Good luck and we're all here for you>

[Aussieguy]

Hi everyone,

 

Just an update on what has been happening lately.

 

Well my Ex GF is still seeing the guy from the last post and she still seems to be fully into him even though its been 3 weeks since they have been going out which is how long it lasted with the other guy after me, so i am getting the feeling she really does like him.

 

A week or so ago i told her i don't love her anymore (not actually sure if i do or not) and that i just wanna be friends just like she does.

 

Anyway i have only been seeing her about once or twice a week now, and today i drove one of our friends over to her house and stayed a while. Later the conversation was about her 18th party which is in a month, and our friend was writing down the people she wanted to invite, and when our friend mentioned my name my ex straight away said no as did i, but it still hurt thinking that she doesn't want me at her 18th. Anyway later they were talking alone, and our friend later told me that she does want me to go, but i still don't want to because i don't want to see her together with her new BF in case it upsets me and puts me back at square one again.

 

During my time there i was teasing her and making fun of her, which i think surprised her a bit and after a while she would give me these nasty looks whenever i would tease her and hit me if i was close enough to her.

 

About a week before we broke up we found out that she has a small or no chance of falling pregnant, but i would always say it will happen and she would say there is no chance, but today she mentioned how she knows that there is still a chance she can get pregnant and her new BF is 19 and thereforeeee highly fertile and they have unprotected sex, and she hopes she falls pregnant with him. All i could say was that she was an idiot and she can screw her own life up if she wants. Was that the right thing to say??? (this was before i started teasing her by the way).

 

She also said that she knows that she and her new BF will last forever, and i replied thats what you said about us, and she says yeah i know but i always had doubts that we would, which hurt even though i didn't show it.

 

Is she still playing games or not????