Girlfriend Cheated On Me, Then Broke Up A Week Later

[LighthouseRocket]

Typical story: my girlfriend and I met in graduate school and started dating 9 months ago (two days after 9/11). We had a very intense relationship: spent about every day together, many family events, went on a cruise together, traveled together, and we even had a pregnancy scare. I have been in relationships as long as three years, but something about this one had a much deeper bond.

 

However, we were not getting along that well over the past 6 weeks. She felt neglected, while I felt stressed with homework and finding a job - we both graduated in May. We talked about it, but obvioulsy it wasnt completely worked out. I realize that now. Although everything seemed to be OK - we still said we loved each other, spent more time together, we were intimate, affectionate, etc.

 

However, the week prior to graduation she went to a wedding without me. Dates weren't invited. She came back and I knew something was wrong - she can't tell a lie. After a little prying she confessed that she "hooked" up with some random guy because she was drunk. I, of course, flipped out, said some nasty things and told her to get out of my apartment.

 

For the next week we spoke a few times, but I was too angry with her to say anything nice. Obviously. However, after graduation I missed her and began to think maybe my neglect, my "taking her for granted" actually pushed her into the situation - I was not going to shift the blame, but I was willing to accept my own part and learn to forgive.

 

That is when she decides that she doesnt love me anymore and doesnt want to work it out. huh? A week ago she was devasted and upset by it, and wanted to work it out. THen she turned completely around. Before you jump to conclusion, she didnt leave me for the other guy at the wedding, I know that for a fact.

 

So, I feel not only dumped, but betrayed as well. Two big blows to the chest. But, I love her still very much and would take her back today, but I know many would say her cheating is enough to run the other way. I have erased all phone numbers in my cell and have refrained from calling her. I have also started the acceptance and greiving stage. But, can anyone tell me why someone would tell me they cheated on me and that they would never do it again, but then change on a dime, and feel nothing. Maybe I live in the past, but I always felt a serious relationship isnt worth throwing away over something that could make us stronger, especially since I was the one cheated on, but was willing to forgive.

 

Is it because she feels so guilty about what she had done, that breaking up with me almost justifies her actions. Or, is it because she didnt tell her family what really happened, (she focused on my flaws that I thought we were working on) - and that they basically reinforced her decision to follow through with the break-up?

 

Either way it sucks and I cant wait to be six months removed from this...

[kamurj]

Hi. My name is Stacia and I read your post. I must say that I am really sorry to know that you are feeling the pain and neglect that you are. It is a bad situation to be in, I know. I was there 2 years ago and dont think I am over it. I think this one will last forever.

 

I dont know what to say about her cheating on you. I do not believe that you can truly love someone and they cheat on you because they are drunk and that is an excuse. I believe no matter what, there is no excuse for it. You just didnt fall in because you were drunk. Something had to be going through her mind when she did it no matter what. Unfortunately it wasnt you. Because she wouldnt have done it. Let me tell you, I feel that I have found my tru love. Or I thought I did. We were very close, and like you did everything together, and also had a pregnancy scare. It was so fulfilling to my life to know I had him in it. He did everything for me. Well, I had low self-esteem so low, that I started to mistreat him. I started to argue for no reason and leave him on several occasions just to hear him beg to come back to me. I was bad. I had low self-esteem. I couldnt handle alot of the things that I was going through and because I couldnt, I took it out on him. Well basically the last time I left him, I had no intention that it would be the end. But it was. He started going to this club and messing around with ecstasy and one day, 2 months after we broke up and I swore him off and wouldnt even talk to him. He slept with this waitress at the club. Of course, I didnt find this out until 9 months later. I called and tracked him down after a near life threatning accident I had and told him how I felt, he asked why it took me 9 months to tell him. Later that day, I got a call from the girl whom said she is expecting his child and they are blissfully happy and he never loved me. So all at once I had my heart torn apart. See I went 10 months or a little longer without knowing he was with someone and we still talked. Yet, never worked things out because I kept refusing it, I wanted to get the help I needed for the self-esteem before we got back together and he wasnt patient. SO, I took it to drastic measures and told him never to contact me again. and didnt talk to him everytime he tried I blew him off over and over again. I dont know why but I did. Well after all that time, I find out he is expecting. It was the hardest thing that I ever had to go through in my life.

 

I really wish I handled things better. We may have still been together. I have someone in my life now whom I love very much, but I know I have felt more before, so I hurt everytime I think about him. He contacts me here and there. Like he'll im me, andI did talk to him like 3 weeks ago and he told me he made the biggest mistake in his life and he still loves me. So you tell me, what do you do in a case like that? Can a person that has true love truly love you and make a mistake like that? I dont know. I wish I knew. Because the man I am with now would do anything for me and I have never been so content. But my ex did everything for me to at a time. and all the things I did drove him away. Then the pregnancy scare and abondoning him. Hmm, makes me wonder, did I throw my soulmate away? Its like this movie says I just watched last night. The Wedding Planner. It said it is hard to be happy knowing you were happier before.

 

I am telling you this because I am currently going through the same feeling and do not know what is right either. I cannot tell you she didnt love you when she cheated on you. I want to say she didnt. But, in my situation, because I know how we were when we were together and he necessarily didnt cheat on me, but even then still, I dont know what to think.

 

All I can tell you, is that you only live once. You have to be happy. Can you trust her? If she was to come back and ask for another chance right now, would you do it? You have to think about what would make you happy first. I think if my ex cheatedon me while we were together, I couldnt give him another chance. Only because I couldnt believe he loved me and was able to do that. Do the things in life that make u happy right now. Interested inany sports? recreations? teams? hobbies? Try to do as much as you can to get it off your mind. Leave it in God's hands. What is meant to be will happen and only you will know at that time if it is the right thing to do or not. They say "true" love never dies. That is what I try to believe everyday. I go to school and work full time now. I am rying my best to make a life for me. I love the man I am with but I do not know if I will get married soon. Right now, even after 2 years, it hurts. The one thing I can tell you is dont expect to forget about her, it wont happen. But, sometimes, it will seem easier than some days.

 

Good luck and try to take care of yourself the best you can. This is all we can do.

 

~Staci

[kamurj]

"So, I feel not only dumped, but betrayed as well. Two big blows to the chest. But, I love her still very much and would take her back today, but I know many would say her cheating is enough to run the other way. I have erased all phone numbers in my cell and have refrained from calling her. I have also started the acceptance and greiving stage. But, can anyone tell me why someone would tell me they cheated on me and that they would never do it again, but then change on a dime, and feel nothing. Maybe I live in the past, but I always felt a serious relationship isnt worth throwing away over something that could make us stronger, especially since I was the one cheated on, but was willing to forgive. "

 

You can't forgive infidelity, man. Women cheat with their hearts, not just their bodies. It's hard to move on, but you need to. It's a very big world out there. Given the same circumstances, she'd do it again and again.

[knightbear]

you never should have hook up on 9-11 this was a sad time

[bzborow1]

I can totally sympathize with your situation, as I am in an almost identical one. We had planned our future together heading into our graduation. Then she went away to a conference in another city for University and slept with someone else. She dumped me right away saying she needed to "figure herself out". I thought all the things you're thinking.

 

"What could I have done differently?"

"Why did she? What was going on in her head?"

"Howcome this is so shocking?"

 

People have kept telling me that if you set it free, and it comes back it was meant to be. And I think that's the approach you have to take. Try to get her out of your life as best as you can, you have to move on. And besides, if she finally realizes what a great guy she's lost...you don't want her unless she essentially begs for you back. The obstacles of not calling her and moving on will not stop her if she truly wants you back.

 

She may have been scared about a "future" at a younger age? If that's the case you just gotta let go. She may come back for you, but don't count on it. Besides, all the time you're stressing over the "what if's" of your past you're denying yourself of the opportunity to meet someone else.

 

I'm a firm believer in that all things happen for a reason. The reason may be as you said, to make your relationship with her stronger. But that's gotta be realized by her first, not you (let her find her way back to you). But again, this could have happened because there's someone out there you're supposed to be with, someone who'll appreciate you and not do the things your ex has done.

 

Good luck!

 

Bill