Please help, I feel terrible..

[Tinkerbell]

My boyfriend of 1.5 years and I broke up Easter weekend...He had gone thru a very drastic change for the worst and had hurt me a great deal. He went from being this amazing guy, to this near monster that I hardly even recognized.

Anyway, after about 3 weeks of not being together, we decided to give it another shot. I had missed him dearly during this time, and there was no doubt in my mind that I still cared for him despite all the pain he had put me thru.

The first time I saw him after the break-up, things felt weird. I just didn't feel the same, it was as tho this big chunk of me was missing. However, I told myself it was just because I was trying to protect myself from getting hurt again and that it would all pass in due time. Unfortunately, it didn't, and today when I saw him, I let him know what I felt. I told him there were 3 parts of me: One that hated him, one that cared for him, and one that was just downright confused. I apolgized for feeling this way, but told him the truth, that I couldn't help it! Although I have forgiven him, it's impossible for me to just magically forget, he has put me through a great deal of hurting, and I don't want to make myself vulnerable..

I was sitting there telling him all this, and looking at him sitting upon my bed, and it just occurred to me that my feelings for him..they just weren't there like they used to be.

I said to him "I care about you a lot, but I just don't think I'm in love with you anymore.."

The look he got on his face broke my heart. He just got up and left, drove off rather quickly, and left me in the dust. I feel so terribly...I know I must sound like a b!tch..I just don't know what to do..I do care for him, but nothing like how I used to.

Is it time for me to end it forever?

I'm 17, and I know most of you must be thinking that's much too young to be thinking that you're in love, but trust me, I was very much in love with him. For the majority of those 1.5 years, he was the first thought in my head when I woke up, and the last before I went to sleep..I wish more than anything that we could be happy and in love again, but my heart tells me otherwise.

Please, someone help me..

[Tinkerbell]

There's one thing I've forgotten to add..Lately, he's been trying SO hard to be a better person..He's been making such an effort, he really wanted to make me happy and be the perfect boyfriend..It means so much to me that he did all this for me..

My brain tells me I made a mistake, but my heart tells me it wouldn't have been fair to him to lead him to believe otherwise.

I feel so sorry, I pray that he doesn't think this was all a game and I just did this for revenge. I don't know if I should call him or email him to let him know this..Hell, I don't even know if he ever wants to see or talk to me again. I know he has a reason to be angry with me, I've just broken his heart, but it was unintentional! I couldn't lie to myself any longer..

All my life, I've strived to be the best person I could possibly be, and right now I feel like a demon for hurting someone so badly...It hurts me too, because the last thing I wanted to do was hurt him..

[maninaredstealth]

honestly follow your heart. do not feel you are an evil person because you are feeling this way. you are doing the right thing as much as it doesnt feel like it. my ex a month ago did what she felt her heart told her and she told me the same guilt you are feeling. now in my heart i know i have to move on. its all about the feeling in the heart and not the brain. i dont think there is anything wrong with a short email letting him know that you didnt mean to hurt him but just that maybe you need time to still find yourself. it hurts but keep busy and even vent about it. i do that and it helps me. hope i helped and if you can can you read my post

 

"ex and i broke up and 1 week later she hooked up with someone"

 

please give me your view and advice..

[ConfusedBloke]

wow thats tough, Im on the other side of the fence (my gf broke up as her feelings had gone), but as much as I would like to still be with my ex, that's only if she wants to be with me, so its probably best she told me how she felt.

 

The only weird thing is that i have been through the period of not feeling anything, but for complicated reasons i stayed with it, and eventually my feelings returned, not to the same intensity as before, but more of a warm enduring feeling, but thats just me

[tiff8434]

I wish I could help or make the pain go away but I cant. I dont really have any advice on this but take it one day at a time and see what the good Lord throws your way.

[JT]

I let my ex go two weeks ago... I still feel very confused, hurt and angry. My attachment still exitst because I am hurt and angry. Her attachment still exists because she is hurt and angry. Takes time for this to go away. I must feel the four emotions of the breakup: anger, sadness, fear and sorrow. If I choose not to feel these emotions, my sense of direction towards the next relationship will be warped. I want to feel again. All in all I want her to change. I forgive her for the things she did, this forgiveness is necessary to move on. I put a lot of work into myself during the relationship, and especially now that we are not together. I am still greiving my loss, even though I was the one to initiate the breakup. I want to be a better person is what I tell myself. The fear exists within me that I woudl never find someone like that again.. but its a necessary fear. Naturaully our instincts want us to run from this fear.. but, its a fear we must endure so we become whole again. I left also becuse I wasnt sure she was "the one". Perhaps in time she will prove to be the one.. but I also must be her one. All in all I broke up because I was'nt sure... but for myself, my own knowledge.. I had to find out. Else I'd live in my indecesiveness forever.

[asia604]

hey tinkerbell, I felt the same way you are feeling now, except we didn't have a break for 3 weeks, my ex was the most perfect bf in the beginning and then turned into this obssessive monster, nitpicking about everything.

He pretty much blamed me for all of his problems, I stuck it out and put up with it, and then he wanted a break and on that break it turned out he cheated on me. I know exactly what you are going through, because I am going through it right now. I think about him first thing in the morning and last thing at night. But the only thing I suggest is try not to think about him and put your mental energy elsewhere, let your heart do the thinking for you. Go out with friends, read, get reaquainted with the hobbies you once did before the ex came along. Try to find yourself again. After my breakup I felt as if I lost my identity, I am working of putting the pieces of my life back together and rediscover myself. That's my advice to you, focus on yourself right now, because you only deserve the best.

[Tinkerbell]

Thank you so much to all of you who have posted, I really appreciate your advice!

-xxx-