Yup, im finally getting there i think.

[matador1972]

Coming on for 8 weeks since i split with my wife of 16 years, we have been together 17 and a half years.

 

I did all the wrong things at first, i called, i texted i broke down, i sent love poems, long emails telling her my feelings.

 

We have spent a reasonable amount of time in each others company, the weekend before last we were out for dinner on friday, went to an activity day on the saturday, and drove a 600 mile round trip to a concert on the sunday, staying overnight in the same bed, we had more heart to hearts when she said whatever happens she will be staying in her flat for the full 6 month lease.

 

She started dating, i started dating, i met someone but recently broke it off because she was coming on too strong, i think she still continues to date the guy she has been seeing, and last night was our last night out at a concert, it was the first time we met up where i didnt mention getting back together or the breakup, i finally feel like i am moving on.

 

This is what i have done to help that, i hope it helps others. Inititally i took the entire blame for her leaving on my shoulders, i felt it was my fault, i wasnt happy, my wife was always quite emotionally distant which put me in a bad mood, when i realised that i actually was unhappy, and once i realised that i realised the reasons why.

 

We will always be good friends, up until last week i desperately wanted a reconciliation but now im coming round to the idea that there will be someone out there who is a better fit, last night she fished for a few compliments, usually i would respond with "no you dont look too thin, you are lovely", but when she said "people say im too skinny", i just said "oh thats a shame". We had a nice night, i didnt feel any pressure, and i feel in control of my situation now.

 

I am not closing the door, but realising that she needs to work on her problems as well is very cathartic, i looked at her last night for the first time and saw a great friend but maybe not a partner for the rest of my life, we laughed, we joked, we enjoyed each others company, i wouldnt want to lose that, we have another concert next wednesday, i dont plan on contacting her until that day, after that, we dont have anything lined up for nearly three weeks, i have it in my head that i will be open to a resolution before christmas, but after that i will completely let go of that.

 

Anyway, its interesting to see how much difference a week makes, last Friday i was really down, i stupidly organised the date for last night, but in hindsight im glad i did, im missing her as a friend, and i think we will always remain good friends no matter what.

 

So if you are down, if you think that you need someone else to make you happy, realise that its yourself that makes you happy, start dating (i have a date tonight and one tomorrow), it gives you something to focus on and look forward to and it takes the pressure off with your ex as he/she starts to realise they arent the centre of your world anymore, so they start to act differently towards you.