What do men want from a serious girlfried or even wife?

[AnotherChick]

This question isn't for those who are not interested in a real relationship. I understand that men don't get women and women don't get men in general. That isn't new, but I'm feeling so lost and thought I would start with this simple poll.

 

What is it that men want? What about the male commitment phobes. You may freak about being tied down but I bet you're still wanting a special woman in your life. What does a man day dream about when he thinks of that certain someone?

 

Do men even do that?

[Lone Dragon]

Hmmm Good questions. Personaly what I look for is a woman who is more than just my girlfriend/wife, I would consider to have her as my equal partner in my life's journey.

 

I want a woman who is compassionate, loyal, caring, controlled, competent, spritual, joyous, modest, kind, vibrant, unselfish, delightful, prncipled, energetic, capable, centered, secure, disciplined, dynamic, serene, altruistic, inspiring, warm, elegant, confident, motivitating, clean, affluent, loving, tenacious, robust, captivating, fit, brave, appealing, humble, hard working, virtous, vital, daring, charismatic, considerate, funny and romantic.

 

If not I'll settle for lovable and cute....

[kungfumaster]

Holy Lone Dragon - that's quite a list - AnotherChick - good question - right back at cha - what do women want from a man if they are considering a serious relationship??

 

I guess I will contribute my response. In a serious and commited relationship (common law, marriage, ltr), I would want (in the list of importance to me):

 

1. My lady to love me for who I am.

 

2. My lady to treat me the way I treat her - it has to be 50/50 (well, as much 50/50 as it can be). I give, she gives back, she gives, I give back - 50/50.

 

3. My lady to get along with my family (she doesn't have to be ecstatic about them, just show up at family gatherings, be respectful and just be social).

 

4. I want my lady to be intelligent in the practical sense (doesn't have to be book smart) - just not really ignorant about societal and world problems.

 

5. My lady doesn't have to have the same religious beliefs as me, but just has to have respect for my religion, and I in hers (or lack thereof) - and be open to the idea of getting married in a church (and sometimes going to church with me).

 

6. I want my lady to be "thrifty", in the sense that she is good or "smart" with money (saving, investing, get best deals for quality, etc).

 

7. I want my lady to have a job.

 

Too much to ask??

[Lone Dragon]

Kungfumaster,

 

Nope, you are not asking too much, not as much as my demand..

 

Anyway, in seriousness, all I ever wanted is really To paraphrase Nat King Cole " The greatest thing I'll ever learn to love and be love in return"

[Lone Dragon]

What is it that men want?

 

CLARITY in communications. I prefer verbal communications not subtle hints

[odysseus77]

I only have a few requirements myself...

 

1) MOST IMPORTANT by far, the rest can fall how they will....They MUST be completely loyal in the sense that not only will they not do anything physically with anyone else, but also not emotionally like someone else or flirt with someone else...I do this when i love someone fully because I don't want anyone else, I expect the same

In no particular order...

2)(this is me personally)...I want a good girl who doesn't party, drink smoke, but knows how to have a good time (jetski, motorcycling, dancing)

3) Passionate...I need my girl to be as passionate towards me as I am towards them

4)Love me and trust me with all of their heart (though i would sorta like a little jealousy to show they care)

5)Came from the same or very similar background as me...i'm a poor boy who enjoys the simple things in life, my last relationship was with a rich girl and it brings about more differences than one would think

6) Of course she has to be pretty hot or cute, because without physical attraction, why not just be great friends?

[AnotherChick]

This is all good stuff. I guess what confuses me is that I'm "that girl". That may explain why I'm always in long term relationships. I think my shortest relationship is a year.

 

However, I've noticed a trend. This isn't an attack on the male race, everyone can change their mind, but when men get that it isn't enough. Then add difficulty to communicate emotions and what could be happy and healthy just becomes a drain. I feel like they are getting everything they want and I'm just jumping through hoops.

 

So, I have finally learned over the years that I need to be more worried about what I want and what makes me happy. The crux is that in my personal life, I realize I don't speak up for myself because then I'm being selfish. I have no idea why I'm that way because in every other aspect of my life, there is NO QUESTION about what I want. In fact, I'm referred to as dominant by friends and co-workers.

 

So, since none of you touched upon this aspect of it, I'll ask a more specific question. I'm ready to bring some of these dominant characteristics over to my love life. And I guess I'm scared of alienating myself because then I have no doubt I'll hear that I'm a domineering b***h.

 

So, are men able to handle a woman who knows what she wants and is going to tell them, without concern to how they are going to react? Because I'm ready to throw a no holds barred attituded into my relationship because I'm getting no where.

 

Can you guys (in general) even handle it?

[Stinkweed]

even though I am little young to talk about a wife, I would like to have a girlfriend. One that could last with me for the longest time possible. I would like her to be comprehensive, loyal, smart, and someone you can talk to about anything regarding feelings. If she thinks something is sort of not working out, she should be able to "negotiate" about it instead of just getting rid of you in an instant. She must be someone who is willing to spend a lot of time with you. That is because you want to get to know her. The mind is really complex, and by just meeting once a week, you could never be able to understand it. There should never be an excuse for not meeting at least for a little while every day. Some people may think that it's not possible and that they would run out of topics for conversation, but that is not true. People can always have different feelings. You could talk about how you are feeling in that moment, or about how your day went. It is just what I believe is right, if someone doesn't agree with me, just post your opinion.

[kungfumaster]

So, are men able to handle a woman who knows what she wants and is going to tell them, without concern to how they are going to react? Because I'm ready to throw a no holds barred attituded into my relationship because I'm getting no where.

 

Can you guys (in general) even handle it?

 

Hi Anotherchick,

 

I can't speak for all men in general, but for myself (someone who's one year your senior), I can handle it if a woman just tells me what they want up front (or what they expect) from a commited relationship AFTER we've gotten to know each other for a while, i.e., dated for a while (maybe 3-4 months?) - actually, if you've dated that long, you probably have a good idea of what the other person wants I think. For me, the fact that you told me what you wanted would say, "I've gotten to know you, and I think that we have great potential for a commited relationship, and so I just wanted to tell you what I wanted in a serious commited relationship, so that we understand each other, and that we don't get "mixed" messages". I think also, it is good to be right up front about what you want (after some time dating and getting to know each other of course) because then, it says to me that you respect me enough to say what you want, and that you don't want to waste my time or your time if we don't want the same things.

 

I cannot handle it if she says it really soon (like on the first date, or within a month or something) - and I haven't gotten to know her really well yet - it would just feel like "okay, I don't know you very well, this is what I want though, take it or leave it". I'd probably think at that point you were just desperate for a serious relationship, and you don't care about getting to know me - you'd just take anyone who comes along first and happen to say yes.

 

That's my one cent anyways

 

Men? Any other two cents?

[Stinkweed]

Well, I would be willing to listen to the sort of girl AnotherChick is talking about. It's just a matter of how she would say things. If her tone was like some sort of dictator that wants to have her way by blackmailing you, I wouldn't be able to handle that. She would have to find someone who is willing to behave like her mindless slave. But if she was kind and just made herself be heard in a humble way (humility is a great trait also), then I would be 100% willing to comply. By that I mean that she could negotiate and not just behave like a tyrant. Total domination should not be had by either the man or the woman. It is like Confucianism. You should treat the others the way you expect them to treat you. If she want to be so dominant, then she shouldn't even find a guy. She could just find a mannequin. That way, she could decide even the way "it" walks. Well, that is just what I think.

[Lone Dragon]

So, are men able to handle a woman who knows what she wants and is going to tell them, without concern to how they are going to react? Because I'm ready to throw a no holds barred attituded into my relationship because I'm getting no where.

 

Can you guys (in general) even handle it?

 

I never really used the term "Dominant" as most of the women I have dated fits this type of personality. I have never really have any problem as I don't see it as "who were the pants" type relationship.

 

I actually prefer women who are dominant because it show self-reliance. Althought I consider myself an alpha male. I am secure enough to be able to take an order from a woman.

[Derek]

hmm, I like the way you expressed yourself AnotherChick,

 

I think boyhood egos can't handle it, but real men could definitely handle a woman that knows what she wants and is brave enough to say it.

 

I would like to think that it would be possible for us to dominate each other in different areas rather than it being one sided.

I could dominate you in areas that you let me, and you could dominate me in the areas that I let you.

 

You asked, what is it that men want? I think it more similar to what women want than they realize. Everyone wants intimacy, true connected-ness, real understanding, intense honesty and acceptance. It takes bravery to be truly honest and vulnerable. It takes self sacrifice as soon as another person is involved. There is no way around it. I think people want a genuine bond, but forget they have to mutually give up some of themselves to the other person to receive what they want.

 

 

 

 

P.S. I found this interesting about meeting common emotional needs:

link removed